I ask this question because I have been thinking for ages what my role in life was, I kinda figured it out, and yes this might surprise you, but I think I am the kinda guy (please no laughing) who provides advice to friends and helps them work out their problems, I thought ‘wait a minute, doesn’t it take a lifetime to figure out’ some people I know have a vague idea on what they seem they have to do and just act on that.
I was the type of guy who just recently had no idea what I wanted do with my life, and now this has dawned on me it’s quite a nice relevation.
Is there anybody here think that it takes more than say, a couple of years to find out what you are truly here for?
i can kinda agree with that - i pretty much know who i am and who i want to be right now. I think a lot of people don’t find that out so easily though - sometimes never.
my roles:
Social - The Listener (particularly for women apparently). On the plus side i’m bloody good at it and it gives you that warm fuzzy feeling when you know you’ve helped someone. On the downside it kills a lot of my chances with women i’d actually quite like having as more than friends but who see me as nothing more than a frikkin male version of Guinan off TNG.
Work - The Web Developer. Knew that one the moment i first saw a webpage and i’m bloody good at it.
But then hey, i’m 22 and a mere bubby - so maybe those roles which seem so sure to me now will change in time, who knows.
Hey, I’m 38 and I still haven’t completely figured this out. I think it’s because our roles change.
I’m the practical one sometimes…other times I’m the emotional basketcase. Sometimes I’m the understanding listener, other times I rant and rave and selfishly insist on being the center of attention. Don’t try and fit yourself into one role permanantly - it won’t work.
Most intelligent people will agree that this is a lifelong quest. Your role in life changes as your life changes. You may be a student. Then you’ll be a spouse. Then a parent. Then a mentor. Then a caretaker for your elderly parents. The destination is the trip itself.
The simple fact is, you’re not the same person from year to year in your life. You grow, you learn, you change, and your circumstances change, too. Your role as a parent is different from your role as a friend. What you embrace philosophically as a young adult may change drastically as a middle-aged person. If you cement yourself into a particular role in life, you become stagnant and stunted.
Life, for most of us, will be a long and hopefully interesting journey. Over those years we will assume many roles as we change and develop new relationships and interests.
Our roles will even change depending on our circumstance and situation.
Right now, I’m playing the role of Dad, making sure that that the heir and the spare get off to school on time.
Oy, if only I could figure out what I’m meant to do with my life.
All my life it seemed I was destined to be a computer nerd. Now that I have been doing it for a living for far too long, I’ve become jaded and really would rather not do it much longer.
The obvious question is… what now? I have no idea. No iota of a clue. Nada. It sucks.
Socially… bah, who knows? I am the vault - the one people can tell anything and be certain their revelations will never see the light of day. In a way this sounds a little like the role of a priest/confessor… but really - I really don’t wanna be a priest. I’m not into God, for Og’s sake!
Ryan, my experience has almost universally been that as soon as I figure out what I’m supposed to do, then do it… I don’t want to do it anymore. I guess the focus is on changing and growing, rather than staying in one spot for too long.
I know for my own personal truth, that most of my time is spent working That I dont spend enough time exploring the larger role of my life. I was so glad to see this thread, its been on my mind quite a bit lately. I am at a crossroad, where in the near future I need to figure it out, because alot of distractions will be gone. and here I will be. With nothing to focus on but me. Which brings me to the role of Dear Abby, here is a thought Ryan. Have you ever thought that by getting too involved in other peoples lives, you neglet your own? I find it much easier to get involved in others drama, then deal with my own.
I tended for a while not to ponder the question and avoid it, it is the usual way I deal with new things, I ignore them until they go away, I guess I breaked away from my character, 'cause I was sick of my friends having the usual stereotyped view of me. It’s all to do with change, and it was thrust upon me.
I hope though I don’t end up like my uncle, who thinks he’s doctor Phil but ridicules everyone else whenever a view of how to change himself is put forward.
That sums up my outlook on life quite well. I’m reminded of a saying I heard or read somewhere (maybe a bumper sticker): Lead, follow or get out of the way. I’m not a natural leader and not much at following so I guess I consider my role as being more of an observer.
As others have observed already, you are a different person at different stages in your life. The definition of learning is change. So naturally you become different as you learn.
For me personally, I’ve gone through “periods”. As art historians refer to Picasso’s “blue period” or “cubist period”, I refer to important segments of my life in the same way.
I’m on the third major period of my adult life (childhood being a different period altogether), which is “Gassendi the Pilot”. I continue to hold the job I acquired during my “Gassesndi gets obsessed with his career period”, and the skills acquired in the period before that. But my current period is defined by having learned to fly a few years ago. Everything I’m doing now flows from that, and leads to my goals within aviation.
I’m very attuned to my major obsessions. Pursuing them throughout my life has led to being satisfied overall with what I’m doing. I’m also continually curious about what my next period will be.
It seem my periods typically last about 7-10 years. I’m in my 30’s now, so I’m really excited to speculate on what will be holding my interest in thirty more years.
Nobody has said it better than Aerosmith: “Life’s a journey, not a destination.” The goals of my life are to keep learning, and have fun. By being honest with myself about what I want to do, and not giving in to fear about my desires, I have done a lot of great stuff.
There’s a lot more for me to do, but if I got hit by a bus tomorrow I think I could feel good about how I’ve spent my time.
Find out what you’re interested in, then give in to your desires. Don’t force it, let it come.
Just try to see that it doesn’t involve non-consensual sex with four legged animals.
I felt that was my role in my late teens and early 20s. I was very depressed as a teenager and being there for other people helped me a lot in getting over it. At the time I felt that I wanted to be a helper in life. I got really good at it but I didn’t exactly “protect my boundaries” and I snapped at the age of 24 and stopped talking to most of the people in my life. For about a month, any time anyone called me I waited to see if they at least bothered to ask me how I was doing and about 90% of them didn’t. My role changed fast and I started to care more about making things than talking to people. I started to enjoy working and being emotionally self-sufficient. I know that things will change again and I look forward to that.
Most of my values have stayed the same my whole life and my role always jibes with them. The way I do things changes but I’m always me. Other people might think I go through phases but in the end I am always trying to solve the same basic problems such as how to contribute, how to make my existence fun without causing disaster, how to find meaning. I will probably have to try a lot of different approaches to those problems but I’m okay with that. When a role stops suiting me I find a big change refreshing.
I sometimes tell my friends that my roles in life are to 1) prove that God does indeed have a sense of humor and 2) serve as a warning to others.
All joking aside, I can say that I’m unsure what my role in life is now. When I was younger, I used to know for sure what my role was. I used to know what I was going to do with my life. However, as others have said before, my belief of what my role is has changed as I have changed. In high school and early college, I was going to a musician and focus my energies on teaching high school band. Then I was going to be a model student leader and build myself up for a time when I could go into higher education student affairs. No, I’m just a MIS major trying to graduate with no certain future goals. It’s taken a while, but I accept that for now. When I graduate, I might have a new outlook on my role, but for now I am in the dark.
My personal and social roles are in a similar state, although I do have one that has yet to change: be the support for my friends and family. Be available to them, be non-judgemental, listen, learn, and love. I may not have always lived up to my role, but that is how I see myself socially.
It was easy for me: When your dad is the official Town Drunk, it just seems obvious to enter the apprenticeship program.
But seriously, folks.
I used to wonder about this; how did others perceive me, what role was I playing in society, etc. Then I began to notice that as soon as I had an idea of Who I Was, I’d find myself acting in various ways to live up to that idea, even though sometimes the things I was doing didn’t feel natural to me, felt like I was acting a part.
Now I try hard to have no idea at all how others perceive me, which frees me up to be my honest self (this is not always easy). Apparently I’m fortunate enough to have a personality that’s not completely repellent to others, since people don’t seem to flee when I enter the room. But it took me a long time to free myself from the need for other people’s approval, something I still haven’t quite accomplished but continue to work on. I’m still changing (I hope), but I’m changing according to what will let me like myself better and not what I think will make others like me better. The former, it seems to me, will lead to the latter.
And yes, people change dramatically throughout their lives. If 17-year-old jackelope could see the current 31-year-old jackelope, he most likely wouldn’t recognize his older self (aside from the rugged good looks, of course). And frankly, if my 17-year-old self entered the room right now I’d probably think him a shallow, ignorant jerk.
People change. We can change for the better or for the worse; it’s up to us, and sometimes it can be difficult to know which we’re doing. But we keep trying anyway, and the trying is the important (and exciting) part.
I think there are two kinds of answers to this. The first is the active role - as daughter/son, student, mate, parent, friend, etc, - the specific interactions we have. As others have said, our role changes as we pass through the various stages of life.
The other is the passive role - the overall effect of our lives - the general impression we leave. I can’t find the right words to express this succinctly.
A number of years ago, I figured out that my passive role is to serve as a bad example.
