Same here. And if any of the down-on-a-knee, Oh-what-a-surprise stuff happens it’s a show and a story to tell to friends later. What an awful idea, I think, to surprise someone with a huge, life-changing decision without knowing how they’ll answer (and wanting that answer immediately). I’m all for silly flirty games in dating and relationships but when it comes to a major commitment, you don’t really need to follow an outdated tradition or play some huge psychological game. It should be an agreement, ultimately.
Yeah, I was just skimming and I missed the part where you said you guys were in your 40’s - I assumed throughout that we were talking about young 20-somethings here. This is not 40’s drama.
I’m sure you’re just joking. Well, I hope you’re just joking. But in any case, as with most communication in relationships, it isn’t creating problems, it’s revealing them.
OP, give her some time. I think the best of us can be upset or caught off guard by disappointment. But if the “no talking” thing continues, consider yourself lucky that you discovered this childish attribute early enough that you don’t need to cancel a wedding or, worse, get a second divorce.
I think this group is more than willing to flay her for wanting to marry you, then more than willing to flay her for being disappointed. Then more than willing to tell you you dodged a bullet, and then more than willing to tell you what an evil awful, manipulative, bitch she was for even showing up in your life.
Dude, she’s disappointed, give her a little time, then talk it out. The one thing that hasn’t happened in this thread yet is giving her any kind of credit. 
I agree.
Hurt, mad, disappointed? Totally fine and understandable. Doesn’t want to talk to you? Sure, if she’s just giving herself time to cool off and think about what you said. If it’s the silent treatment until she gets her way, that’s ridiculous at any age.
Either way, just bear in mind (as should she, if she’s smart) that the way she handles this says volumes about what the rest of your relationship will be like. If she can come back around and discuss this with you, that’s a really good sign for your future. If she can’t, or won’t, then… not so good.
Sorry things are rough for now, though.
Or him standing up for her or defending her in any way, I notice. . . :dubious:
Oh, that’s better. For a minute there, I thought you were assuming that naturally, ALL women, 100% of us, desire only to make children. :rolleyes:
Dumbest thing I’ve ever read on this board.
You must be new here! 
Well, I can’t make 'em ask me out. I can’t make 'em wanna do me. I can’t make 'em wanna marry me. I can ask and try to initiate those things, but in my experience, I’m batting like 0 for 100. I can’t think of any recent date in which I initiated and the guy liked me and went for it. Generally, I do not get hit on at all and when I do the hitting on, I get rejected. I’m hot, smart, physically fit, financially independent, and a whole lotta fun.
How do I have any power?
At this point, I think the only course open to the OP is to get himself hospitalized, so that he and his girlfriend have to cancel the trip. Something that keeps you out of action for at least a month.
Otherwise, he’s toast.
It’s a little difficult to defend her right now when we are having a huge fight because I am not ready to get engaged. And of course I have a ton of friends coming over tomorrow for a surprise birthday party and I have no idea what to do about that. But it kind of make the ‘give her time to cool down’ option difficult.
All our disagreements seem to happen at very inopportune (for me usually) times, although to be fair I started this one.
I should also mention, we live together and up to this point our relationship has been moving very fast.
I mean, it happens in due time, right? You picture living with the other person. You picture them growing older and the two of you caring for each other. You picture making them dinner, leaving out the stuff they don’t like - like leaving out diced tomatoes and instead putting in whole tomatoes in the chili and breaking them up for my SO, just how he likes it. You picture maybe having kids with them (or you sigh with relief that they, like you, don’t want them). You picture buying or renting a bigger home, making it yours. You picture them being your defender, the person they confide in - or, better, you remind yourself how much you confide in them, and how lucky you are. You roll out all of these scenarios in your mind, you meet the friends, the parents, you see them sweaty and you think it’s cute, not revolting, even when the rest of the world knows it’s revolting.
It can’t just all happen by surprise on a whim.
Shit, you guys LIVE together Anachronism? This can’t be good.
Which begs my ultimate question - why do people move in together when they haven’t yet discussed marriage!?
So would now be a good time to bring up the problems I do have with the relationship? :rolleyes:
Me, I like to get it all out in the open. Not for the sake of fighting or hurting each other, but just cause I can’t stand not to be honest with someone I’m seeing. So ah, yeah, I vote yes. But I’m probably in the minority.
Might as well open up the floodgates and see what happens.
Yeah, this sounds like she is working hard on getting Divorce #2 well on its way. Congrats on having a little more caution and common sense than she does.
Why not? In for a penny, in for a pound. 
You didn’t “start” anything. She was rash and dumb- letting her craziness in her head be flamed by her friends. You were a voice of reason, that’s not starting a fight.
May I ask how you framed the conversation when you brought it up w/ her?
I love you and I love our relationship but I’m not ready to get engaged right now.