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“I hope you realize I do not give refunds”.
Pick up phone, press preprogramed number that calls you back. Pick up when it rings. Fake conversation: “Hi mom!.. No, nothing’s going on here. Did you want me to run you through that computer problem?”
“What was your name again”?
You win.
From one of my favorite standup routines…
“COMMENCING COUNTDOWN! FIVE! FOUR! THREE! OOOOPS!”
What always works for me is muttering “Is it in yet?”
Or, “It’s OK - you can put the whole thing in.”
That’ll do, pig.
There are some women who come silently. I dated one of those, and she grabbed my hair to tell me that she had already come three times. I said, “If I’d known you were coming, I’d have baked a cake!”
Pound your chest and yell, “BOOYA!”.
Damn, I forgot if I set the video for Battlestar Galactica. Don’t move while I check the VCR is set up correctly.
Man! I haven’t been fucked like that since the 2nd grade!
“Is that it??”
get Off Me !!!
Say admiringly, “Wow you were great.”
Whatever the response snap, “I wasn’t talking to you. I was talking to my penis.”
“Are you SURE I don’t know you?”
“Now, sign this consent form…”
Make a slash on a whiteboard. “I have to break the record! You’re only my fourth tonight!”"
“OK thanks, get off me now”.
“Oh. How long have you been here?”