Rules of Life (lighthearted)

In My Humble Opinion
61

The Rule of Feline Attraction: The degree of a cat’s attraction to you is directly proportional to your allergy to it.

Most recent example to this was just a few days ago when spending a weekend at some friends.

Friend: “Oh, we got a cat since you last saw us. She’s quite shy around strangers. My Mom and my sister just left before you came, and Petey never once came out of the bedroom. Oh, look. Petey, what are you doing out here? Don’t jump on the sofa. Isn’t that sweet, Petey really likes you!”

Me: : : sniffle : :

62

The laws of pen loss.

The better the pen, the more quickly it will be lost.

Cross pens will last about a day and a half before being left behind somewhere.

Better quality disposables, like Uniballs, last about a week.

Cheap Bics are never lost.

63

[QUOTE=Spectre of Pithecanthropus]
The laws of pen loss.

The better the pen, the more quickly it will be lost.
[/QUOTE]

Lost? How about stolen? I once got a really nice pen as a gift. It lasted about a week before it walked off. I can imagine the conversation I would have had with thief.

“Oh yeah? Well I don’t see your name on it.”

“Right there on the side, bub. Engraved in gold.”

64

[QUOTE=Spectre of Pithecanthropus]
The laws of pen loss.

The better the pen, the more quickly it will be lost.

Cross pens will last about a day and a half before being left behind somewhere.

Better quality disposables, like Uniballs, last about a week.

Cheap Bics are never lost.
[/QUOTE]

Pen law, part II

When you absolutely need a pen, you will not have one handy. 10 minutes later you will come across 17 working pens.

65

Pen law, part III

There is always a pen. There is never any ink.

66

[QUOTE=Telperien]
Don’t kiss (go to bed with, etc.) people unless you like them. Having to get boozed up first does not count as liking.
[/QUOTE]

Similarly, do not get extremely boozed up around people you would otherwise not kiss (go to bed with, etc.).

67

[QUOTE=DianaG]
The PITA-ness of the client is inversely proportional to the size of their account.
[/QUOTE]

That’s for damned sure.

Corollary: giving an asshole what he wants just to make him go away backfires in the long run, because he will keep coming back to the people who give him what he wants.

68

I call this the “Incredibly Talented Cat” rule: Any cat with hair of two or more colors will shed only the hairs that contrast with the surface being shed upon. For example, our old black and white cat could walk across my lap, leaving white hairs on my black pants and black hairs on my white pants. And don’t you tell me it was just that I only noticed the high-contrast hair. I’m not listening. Lalalalalalala.

[QUOTE=phouka]

  1. Rule of Hair - all women with straight hair want to have curly hair. All women with curly hair want to have straight hair. Any woman foolish enough to be happy with her hair in its natural state will find that her hair type is out of fashion for the next two decades.
    [/QUOTE]
    Rule 1a: If a man asks a woman whether her hair color is different, the answer is always “no.” (Rule 1a1: Unless he was supposed to notice, in which case he probably didn’t anyway)

[QUOTE=Alice The Goon]
The Law of Repeats: If I have only seen a show one time in it’s entire run, then watch it again 3 years later, that show will be a repeat of the first episode I watched of it.
[/QUOTE]
This drives me nuts. I actually three-peated on one show. A bunch of people told me a few years back that I needed to watch Sex in the City. I don’t get HBO, but three times I’ve been in hotels that had HBO, and I saw the show on the schedule. All three times it was the episode about the main character going out with some guy that wanted to pee on her in the shower. Is that show really on TBS now? TBS must have changed their standards dramatically.