Never, EVER call 911 unless it is truly an emercency.
Four legos good. Two legos bad.
Believe in the Volkswagen God and the need to keep from angering him.
Getting the cat a kitten will not make him less needy. You’ll just have two needy cats trying to become one with you.
Never think that older siblings will ever accept the fact that you are now an adult and capable of making your own decisions.
The two I really believe are…
Most people believe in first impressions so try to make a good one. The other half of this is try not to hold it against someone if they make a bad one - we all have off days.
The most important one though is when some one pisses you off you have to “Let it go”. A good friendship (and especially a marriage) is too important to ruin over everyday annoying shit. You can’t hold on to little annoying stuff.
No matter the hurry, never pull a sweater over your head as you run down stairs.
Why are life’s lessons so hard?
People will walk all over you if they sense weakness.
Choose your battles wisely.
Okay, maybe I should strike the last two from the OP; I was pretty depressed when I wrote them. 2001-09-11 and all that.
Oh crap, that’s so true. Wish I’d learned that sooner. Although I’m glad to say that I’ve mostly avoided #3 there (other peoples’ people).
Good question. I think several major world religions have grown up in an effort to answer that.
- Trust no one
- The ends justify the means
- People are only sacks of goo
- Breaking things makes you feel better
Most people don’t care if you really have the answer, they just want someone to listen.
You can never catch a cat by chasing it.
Brute force doesn’t solve all problems.
Having too many answers makes people very, very suspicious.
Count on eating some crow in life.
People will respect you if you learn to eat that crow gracefully.
Laugh at yourself first before you laugh at other people.
The person you loathe upon first meeting may end up being your best friend/soulmate/ally.
If someone gossips about other people to you, they probably gossip about you to other people.
If you are consistently hard to please, people will eventually stop trying to please you.
Touching someone, even if just gently on the arm, makes a big impact.
The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off.
The best of friends do not always get along.
I actually started writing down some things for my godson a few years ago. I give him a few every time I see him. I moved recently and can’t find my list (it’s in a box . . . somewhere.) But I remember these:
Age 5-10:
Be nice to girls. You want to pull her hair today, but in 10 years she will be beautiful. And she will remember.
Be nice to dogs and cats. If they were 200 pounds, they would kill you for being mean. They may still kill you in your sleep if you jurt them.
Age 10-15:
You can rub it too much.
You will see porn mags or web pages. Most women don’t look like that. Quit looking at that stuff.
You have to take PE classes. Work hard. Years later you will wish that part of your job included the opportunity to work out every day.
Ages 15-20
“Use a rubber and you will learn that no deposit means no return.” Best PE film I ever saw. I sometimes think I’m the only guy my age (39) who’s not paying child support.
Drugs/booze are fun, but can become the crutch that cripples.
Don’t drive drunk. Ever.
If you have the chance to hook up with an “older” woman, do it.
Smile at people when you see them. Make it a habit. First impressions count, whether it’s a hotel desk clerk, a waitress or someone you will never see again. A smile from a stranger might make someone’s bad day better.
John Wayne was a good role model for males in his most of hise movies. Don’t lie, don’t take !@# and always be willing to step up and defend the honor of a woman. Do what is right, not what is popular.
Read Basho.
My personal experience is quite different from yours. My fiancee is much younger than I (19 years), from another culture (Filipino), much better looking than I, and we met through an “international matchmaking” web site.
I’ll protest. The car a person drives is entirely unrelated to anything of importance. Knowing what kind of car I drive ('62 Impala) tells you absolutely nothing about me other than what kind of car I drive.
Some things I’ve learned:
Matters of taste are unrelated to morality. Knowledge of classical music does not make you better than someone with a deep knowledge of Heavy Metal and vice versa.
When you make a mistake, admit the mistake and take steps to fix it or find someone who can.
If you’re going to knowingly break the rules, accept the consequences.
Mature people look for solutions. Immature people asses blame.
Great art is challenging.
Courtesy of Weird Al Yankovic:
You’re dead for a real long time, you just can’t prevent it. So if money can’t buy happiness, I guess I’ll have to rent it.
Take joy in the little things.
Courtesy of Mary Chapin Carpenter:
We’ve got two lives, one we’re given and the other one we make.
Trying to do multiple things at once almost always means doing all of them not very well, or at all.
Action is the antidote to despair.
Being afraid of something mostly means being afraid of your expectation of it, not the something itself.
The brain has credulity towards good narratives built into it. Rising above that is hard, and a lifelong effort, but it sure beats the alternative.
Common sense isn’t.
The easiest path and the best path are two unrelated things.
Expecting life to be fair is a sure way to develop a grudge against the world.
Grudges aren’t healthy.
When the weather is nice and you have the time, take walks. If you don’t have the time, learn to make some.
The sweetest and gentlest animal will sometimes lash out when they’re sick and in pain. Do not expect people to be different.
Perception works by abstracting out many details. We’re constantly missing things. Pay attention, develop your awareness, and you’ll often be surprised by what you never noticed before about things both familiar and new.
Jones’s Twenty Laws - I have these printed out and posted in my office and everything. Really. 
1. A person’s values are revealed by where they spend their time and their money, not by what they say.
2. Every opinion or perception is biased.
3. Whatever time or resources are devoted to X will probably be entirely consumed by X by virtue of being allocated to X.
4. Skepticism is always well founded.
5. Process is more important than detail.
6. Sane people only do things for their own emotional or material gain.
7. Learning is hard and takes effort.
8. Always have a plan.
9. Treating others with basic respect, manners and kindness will solve most problems; failing to do so, at any time, causes problems.
10. If all you worry about is nickels and dimes, that’s all you’ll ever have.
11. Looks matter, for people AND things.
12. Your problems are unique to you, not your context.
13. Don’t trust anecdotes.
14. You will always tend to be biased towards solutions that use whatever tools are currently available.
15. Leopards don’t change their spots.
16. Act morally.
17. Act ethically.
18. Learn something from everything, and consciously try to apply it.
19. The best way to deal with a problem is to solve it.
20. Laugh.
Buy your own jewelry.
Then you don’t have to say “thank you” to anyone.
A lot of my rules have been covered, including Rule One, but I’ll repeat it anyway:
- Rules may be broken, but be aware of the consequences before you do so.
Another one, that covers a lot:
If it doesn’t feel right, don’t do it. If it does feel right, then you must do it.
Good suggestions so far!
The rules I have learned:
[ul]
[li] More often than not, you will regret the things you didn’t do more than the things you did do[/li]
[li] Life is to short to remain in a job or relationship that makes you miserable[/li]
[li] The world isn’t fair. Get used to it.[/li]
[li] Don’t wait for opportunities to come you. Go out and find them[/li]
[li] Don’t worry about things you have no control over[/li]
[li] And on a less profound note: Take care of your teeth- You’ll need them later.[/li]
[/ul]
And of course, never argue about religion or politics (course, then there would be no SDMB ;))
The money thing?–my rule is “Don’t lend money to family unless you’re prepared to lose it forever.”
Doing something you consider caring may get you tagged with “nosey busy-body.” (I don’t usually let that stop me.:D)
Don’t date someone you work with unless you’re prepared for the consequences of having to work with an ex every day.
When your SO pisses you off, remind yourself of why you love him/her instead of dwelling on what they’ve done wrong.
Don’t waste your time arguing religion, politics or sports, 'cause you’ll never convince the other person that you are “right.”
Do the best job you can on everything you do. Good things will come your way.
Life is too short to let fear of the unknown keep you from doing things you think you might like to do.
Most of these are from observation (fortunately)
Do unto others isn’t a good idea, it’s reality. If you treat people badly, you will end up being surrounded by people who treat you badly.
The two worst things that you can do to a child is treat them as if they can do no wrong, or do no right. Either way you will end up with a child who is completely worthless. (unless they are lucky enough to have someone else who give praise and punishment fairly) I suspect this holds true if you are a supervisor of employees as well.
Expectations are powerful. Most people will live up or down to them.