Nice Prius.
(Actual bumper sticker seen on a Prius).
Well, according to Paris Hilton…
The best thing I like about bagpipes is the pure tonal aspect of their music.
I just love clients who can never make up their minds, and want additional work not covered in the contract.
I’d like to see more of the Kardashians
Oh, mine’s not anywhere near that long.
That’s a very thoughtful suggestion, Karen, and I appreciate the subtle manner in which you offered it.
Damn, I wish gas prices would go up a lot more so that oil company executives - of which I am not one, and of whom I know none - would make out like freakin’ bandits!
It’s going to be a long ride. Should I put in the bagpipe CD or the didgeridoo CD?
So the company I intend to create will design the very best underwear using only the very finest burlap available.
Waitress, I’ll have another serving of surströmming, please.
You say Harvey Fierstein sang soprano in high school chorus?
When you think quality, think Ford Pinto
Owners should leave the dog poop where it is. After all, it is natural.
Dr, Oz for President: after all, it is natural.
I can’t for the life of me figure out why so damned many dog owners keep their pets in a fenced area or on a leash. After all, it’s unnatural.
I think the bird poop really brings out the color of my car’s paint job.
That Liberian Prince I told you about wired a million dollars into my bank account today, as promised.
You know what really burns my bum? Is the fact that we’re probably going to have to wait for another month before we start getting to see any good political attack ads. Which leaves us with scarcely six months to appreciate and enjoy them. I can only pray that they compensate with greater frequency to make up for this grievously short amount of time.
Would you plunge these long, jagged steel needles into my eyeballs, please, and then play a little Haydn on your cello? I’ll try to harmonize with my anguished screams.
Don’t be so timid, Karen—speak up!
No one can take a joke like good ol’ Will Smith.
Hey Alec, let’s rehearse that OK Corral scene where I’m Billy Clanton and you’re Virgil Earp.
I’m concerned the former President isn’t using enough bronzer these days.
I hope we get a lot of mosquitos this summer. Their bites feel so good and that whining sound they make in your ear is so adorable.
Aren’t they making our rivers and streams a little too clean?
I wish I had to poop - I mean, really, really poop - at least hourly. Or so I told Gandhi that one time in the space station.