Sarcastic Answers to Perfectly Civil Questions

Would you like your beer in a bag?
Yes, actually 12 individual bags, so I can drink it on the way home.

Brilliant!

Do you want your potato chips in a bag?
They’re already in one.

Anybody else doing a dry January?

It’s Portland, Oregon; get a fucking grip.

Pronunciation of "Gotham"

You pronounce it “Cholmondely-ffarquharson”, obviously.

Have you ever turned down a promotion?

Yeah, I didn’t need any new carpet.

From a cashier: Thanks, you have a good one!
Me: Wow! Thanks for noticing!

** What’s a Homeland Security Check?**

About $2500 plus overtime.

In Canada, milk actually comes in bags, not jugs.

Only eastern canada, Manitoba westward its plastic jugs or card containers.

Oh. Sorry about that.

Did you get a flat tire? Did you catch that fish?

Better put some air in it?
Dunno about the second.

And now “we” are - doing what’s-his-name’s whatchamacallit.

Sort of.

S’posed to provide the smartass answers as well. <sob. sniff.>

No, it’s the front of the line. We’re all facing backwards.

I used to volunteer for a home improvement agency that helped with projects for lower-income people. So I would wear my work clothes to church which was right before volunteer time. My father says “You’re working at Agency today?” Well, I would hope there was a good reason for me to be dressed that way at church?!

What time is it?

WHen you asked or now?

Nah, your ass does that on it’s own.

Not Our Taters Salad called from the MMP…

These are fun. Did you know MAD Magazine has been doing it for decades?

“No, I thought I’d originated the whole idea out of my own head. Here’s your sign!” :stuck_out_tongue:

::applause::