** Would you get into an indoor pool at the gym?**
Well, it’s not like I’d get into an outdoor pool at the gym. :rolleyes:
[Al Bundy] No, it’s the fat that makes your ass look fat[/Al Bundy]
5 years since my last post. What’s changed?
The calendar, about 5 times.
I told you, didn’t I?
No, you didn’t.
Anyone Else Starting to Get Cabin Fever?
Nah, I saw that years ago. PANCAKES!
Supermarket price wars in the UK, what’s happening?
Stores are trying to beat each other on price, but that’s not important now, Shirley
Hey! Wanna meet?
Depends, how ugly are you?
Want to help decipher John Muir’s journals?
Not really, since I’m not really sure who that is without resorting to googling him.
How many resolutions have you broken already?
None. Not making any tends to help in that regard.
Anybody else doing a dry January?
Depends on whether the snow starts melting, I suppose.
College courses without final exams?
College courses without final exams!
You mean, you don’t throw those out?
No, it’s opposite day and I mean I do throw those out.
Three earthquakes in one day? Seriously?!
You were expecting three earthquakes in one day humorously?
Who has a secret savings account?
I could tell you, but then it wouldn’t be a secret.
**Anyone else use baby/talcum powder on themselves after a shower? **
Would you rather I use it on someone else after a shower?
Thermodynamics favors life, can someone explain this to me?
Depends, how dumb are you?
Where is the wierdest place you ever pee’d??
Canada.
**Am I racist for teaching William Faulkner? **
I don’t know, what did you teach him?
Is anyone expecting a white Christmas?
Considering it’s more than 11 months away, that would be presumptuous.
Did XXXX ever make you realize YYYY?
ZZZZ
Is there something in my nose?
I don’t know, take your fingers out and I’ll check.
The temperature’s going to be WHAT?
The degree or intensity of heat present in a substance or object, especially as expressed according to a comparative scale and shown by a thermometer or perceived by touch. Same as always.
Why is the UK still using stones?
Because there are so many just lying around.
Have you ever been given a break by the cops?
No, they know how to be careful enough. Barely even get bruises.
Is there any stranger in your past who said something that you’d truly like to thank them for now?
No, but there’s a stranger in my future I’d like to have a few words with.
Moving to Orlando - what should I know?
How to get there.
Any idea of how to do sit ups without someone holding your feet?
Get in shape first.
Why would a German business blur their sign in Google street view?
Hitler.
Well played, sir!
And all I had was this:
Could We Build Massive Pyramids Today?
No. Despite our amazing modern civil engineering, the magic feat of piling up big stones in a heap has been lost along with countless other Secrets of the Ancients.
If you say Dung Beetle three times does she appear before you?
Everyone would stay away from you, especially her.
Want to help decipher John Muir’s journals?
What do you expect to find, beaver porn?
"For the rest of your natural life" Is this a real thing?
Yes, because if it was an imaginary thing, it’d be “for the rest of your artificial life”.
Did any other human species, have such gender strength disparities
Hard to say, they hadn’t developed speech yet
Any inhabited islands in Colorado?
Did you really need to include the second word?
Legality of holding money for someone else?
As long as you have fingers, you’re fine.
Can anyone help identify a picture of a Mounted Cavalryman? I’m lost …
You could always ask somebody else for directions.
What can I expect to see/enjoy with my telescope
The cops when they nab you for voyeurism.
What should I do now?
Breathe out.
Why did they move the location of the headlight dimmer switch
Because typical drivers use their left toe to scratch their ears.
Is shaving unhealthy?
When it gets to the point where you strip skin off your face, yes.
Can Sloths Move Fast? (if they wanted to)
No, of course n
(Sister Dating) What Should I Do??
Not date your sister, you sicko. Ew.
How to explain your boss sucks?
There’s a support group for that. It’s called “everybody” and it meets at the bar.
Is this safe to eat?
I see you are a fellow American thus: *toss it out you cheap wanker, your problem is too damn much food. *
Do you wanna see my vacation photos?
No.
(but I don’t have the guts to say that in that forum)
Paper or plastic?
Yes please.
How does one get moisture out of the car?
First tow it out of the river.
You sure are tall.
Actually you’re shrinking.
Why is the night sky dark?
Because if it wasn’t we’d call it day.
<Steve Martin> Remember, a day without sunshine is like…night. <Steve Martin>
**Does Papa John’s pizza make anyone else ill?
**
Probably people with coeliac disease, lactose intolerance, and one or two other food issues, for a start. You want maybe a list of names?
No matter what the purchase, my co-workers’ first question is always: “what’d that cost?” I usually answer “two”. When they ask for clarification I say: “too much”.
** So… Adult incest is legal in NJ?**
Yes, but not on the N.J. Turnpike in rush hour (unless you’re in the right-hand lane).
**Best Buy Fascists?
**
Best not, I’d say. They’re likely to cost you in the long run.
I’m so glad I’m not at work, the way this thread has had me laughing.
**
Which way was that?**
Out of my ass, and my co-workers complain so much when I do that at work.
But some more contributions:
Anyone Else Starting to Get Cabin Fever?
No, that’s just the normal temperature of your cabin burning down.
Three earthquakes in one day? Seriously?!
No, repeatedly opening up like that is the Earth’s way of laughing at you.
Moving to Orlando - what should I know?
Don’t.
Elementary: Whither Kitty?
Advanced: Whither pussy?
**
Taco Bell vs authentic Mexican food - What are the real differences? **
I hope you aren’t in a hurry.
**Explain NE’s Trick TD? **
No.
Puzzle: Cross off words as the clues eliminate them. What’s left?
A lot of crossed-off words, duh!