I’ve been a bridesmaid three times within two years. Why do weddings have the power to turn a normally calm woman into a dramatic, screaming diva? It’s like the exorcist. Get them in the wedding dress, the Bride Demon eats their souls.
I understand the tradition of weddings but the more weddings I attend, the more they seem to be empty shows. Why would a reasonable person want to go through the whole expensive charade? And break their friend’s banks too?
I used to be one of those girls who dreamed of my wedding, the big church and the gorgeous white dress. But after all my exposure to weddings recently, that dream is dead. Eloping or a civil ceremony is saner. I like my friends too much to ask them to be in my bridal party. I don’t think the white dress, the pink roses, the limo, and reception hall enhance the act of getting married.
One of my brides, constantly got fainting spells when she was in her gown. It might have been nerves or that she was severely restricting her calories to be skinny for her wedding.
Another bride had a bustle on her dress and set up a special bustle handling appointment for the bridesmaids. I couldn’t go because it was in the middle of the day on a workday. The day of the wedding, somehow I got stuck with bustle duty and when I didn’t do it right, the bride started barking orders at me.
Then there was the procrastinator’s elaborate wedding, and wedding where none of the bridal party communicated with each other. Weddings suck.
Hear hear.
I’m not one to toot my own horn but my wedding was the best one EVER.
We went to City Hall with two friends and tied the knot (and had delicious Thai food after), then followed up with two parties: one for friends (DJ spinning tunes, drunkenness, carousing etc) and one for family (quiet chatting, photos, little triangular sandwiches, “I-haven’t-seen-you-since …”).
We missed out on all the “Oh my goodness, I’ve never heard of the mother of the bride going to the church in the same car as the maid of honour …” and the “Oh no my hair isn’t perfect” and the “Could you please do that part again, where he puts the ring on your finger, I didn’t get the right angle and the picture won’t come out the way I want it” and the “I can’t believe you sat me at the same table as him, you know about all the bad blood between us ever since …” and the sleazy MC leering at women and playing bad 80s tunes, and the utter exhaustion that seems to befall everyone who has such a wedding that must really interfere with the Wedding Night festivities.
Had to do it. Glad I did it(less than 2 weeks ago). Next time(hopefully not an option), civil Ceremony.
It’s something that I think has to be gone through at least once. A well-planned wedding is great, goes off without a hitch, and is beautiful. A well- planned wedding is expensive, time consuming and probably one of the most stressful things I’ve ever done.
Of course,t he right bride is good for all involved and the wrong bride is hell. Thankfully, my bride was in a good mood that day 
Sam
It’s all about the bride. Unfortunately, too many women buy into the “Queen for a Day” view of weddings, in which every detail must be exactly perfect or else you’ll live out the rest of your life in disappointment and despair. No sacrifice is too great, next to the need for Your Day to be just right, whether you’re demanding your friends buy $400 ugly dresses or your parents refinance their house.
Ugh.
With a sane bride, you can still have a beautiful wedding without spending a fortune or driving your friends crazy. For example, Mrs. Giraffe gave her bridesmaids paint swatches and asked them to wear a dress somewhere in that color range. They all looked great, and no one had to buy an expensive dress that looked terrible on them. (She’s been a bridesmaid several times, and didn’t want to torture her friends in the same way.) If you keep it really simple, and focus on the important stuff, a wedding can be very nice. The key is to immediately bind and gag anyone who says “You’re not [doing something stupid]?? You have to [do something stupid]!!”
I’m sorry to hear you’ve had such bad experiences. 
But just because your friends have turned into Bridezilla, doesn’t mean your dream of an elegant wedding for yourself has to die. I had what I think was a beautiful wedding with the long, white gown, etc. However, I tried to be mindful of all the complaints you’re airing now and made every effort to ensure that no one attending our wedding was “put upon” in any way other than whatever means were necessary for them to get to the wedding. We had both sets of parents, my sisters and brother-in-law, his sister and Coldfire do the “walk down the aisle” thing. Everyone was told they could wear whatever they wanted – no tacky bridesmaids dresses, no special MOB/MOG gowns, no tuxes required. I wanted everyone to be comfortable and not have to go to any great expense. We didn’t have a traditional “coordinated” wedding party, but everyone looked lovely and I think they all had a great time.
Perhaps next time you’re asked to be an attendant at someone’s wedding, you could decline and attend as a guest only. Sounds like you’d have much more fun that way. And when it comes to planning your own – remember this thread!
I agree with Giraffe. The single biggest thing that I worried about on my wedding day was whether everyone ELSE had a good time. And I think that my wedding is STILL being talked about as the best one in family history. 300+ people all had a good time, and there was no punching. Quite the feat in my family.
That said, though, I agree that a lot of people get completely RETARDED about their weddings. Chembug and I paid for 90% of our wedding ourselves, so we really did it on the cheap, and it was still really nice. We maybe - maybe - spent $7500, if you include the honeymoon (and we went to Disney World, which is not exactly cheap). I know someone who is spending that much on FLOWERS ALONE.
But what I really think is the worst part about weddings is that the most expensive ones are usually the ones that don’t last. There are always exceptions, of course, but I just went to a wedding last winter that probably cost more than my entire college education, and the “Happy Couple” are already separated. I understand she put her gown on a credit card, and it isn’t even halfway paid off yet.
:eek: :eek: :eek: I’M GETTING MARRIED IN 80 DAYS AND NOW I AM OFFICIALLY FREAKED!!!:eek: :eek: :eek: :eek:
I posted a thread a few days ago about my oh so cheery fiance who is usually the most level headed woman. Intelligent, PhD, good job, handles herself quite professionally at all times.
And as of recent times, she has transformed into BRIDZILLA!
This isn’t right, that hasn’t been booked, this should be taupe, that should be cranberry!! WHY HAVEN’T YOU PCIKED UP YOUR FUCKING MESS !!!
[sub]referring to a few books on my desk[/sub]
:rolleyes:
The wedding is going to be nothing short of extravigant. It’s being held in an Art Gallery and there is a modest number of people coming. 100.
But I certainly dlon’t want to look back and say…we should have eloped…even though fiance says that all the time lately.
COWGIRL, you almost exactly described our wedding, except we had one party the night before and drank all the Cold Duck. Best wedding I’ve ever been to. 
Getting married on a softball field, before you start a tournament, always ensures a great time had by all.
We got married on the side of a hill in a park.
His mom and dad, my mom and dad and our two closest friends.
We then swilled some decent champers and all went for a bang up dinner.
Hear, hear.
If anyone should ever be drunk or mad enough to propose to me, and if I am ever drunk or mad enough to accept, we’re going to the Justice of the Peace’s office and taking our nearest and dearest out for a nice dinner afterward. And then we will take whatever we would have spent on the wedding and go to Peru or something. For about a year.
Should I ever get married (unlikely as it may be), I’m going to go extra cheapies on the flowers. As in, I’m going to reserve that nice little spot in the Japanese Garden of the Austin Botanical Gardens. Sometime in autumn or spring.
I’ll wear a nice dress. Whoever’s on my right will dress nicely, too. And I’ll have Mom and Dad and whatever friends and relatives think they need to be there. I’m not thinking more than 30 people.
I wonder if I would have a Discordian wedding. I know a few people who could preside…
Antiquarian…
It’ll be that way till the very day. My Bride who’s normally the most level-headed woman on the planet was Bridezilla for about 6 months. Now we’re back to being normal people again.
Hell, we even broke up like 4 times in the 2 weeks prior to the wedding. LoL.
Whew.
Sam
Already eloped - great way to start our lives together. Still going strong nearly 20 years later. Yay us!
Bridezilla is a very apt term and it makes me giggle. Thanks Shayna! My decision to not have the big wedding of my childhood dreams isn’t giving up. It’s growing up. All illusions about weddings have been stripped away. I think Giraffe hit the nail on the head. My two brides definitely took “Queen for the Day” to extremes. Two of my best friends who I had admired and respected turned into Bridezillas and now they’re boring wifeys.
When I’m engaged, I would love to elope or have a civil ceremony in a reception hall and have the party immediately afterwards. I don’t need to agonize over floral arrangements, no meringue dresses, no bridal party. I’m not religious so don’t need no stinking church. All I need is the man I love and our families celebrating. We could be naked for all I care!
We just signed a paper at the town hall, but I’m beginning to like the Japanese “Wedding Companies” more and more after reading these stories. One company takes care of everything: dress, flowers, dinner, chapel, minister, ceremony, dance music, MC, gifts for the guests, honeymoon, even what souvenirs to bring back from the honeymoon. For all I know they even do matchmaking and divorce services as well (one I know of also handles funerals). Does the Princess have a dream wedding she’s been planning since age six? Fine, check the boxes that most closely match your dream wedding and then sit down and shaddap! All planned out by professionals who handle hundreds of weddings a year, and from what I’ve watched from behind the scenes, they’re pretty good at what they do.
AmericanMaid, if you haven’t seen it already, check out Ettiquette Hell. I think you’ll like it.
I’m glad to see that people are acknowledging that there is a middle ground between the Bridezilla wedding and eloping. (Usually, these types of threads degenerate into pages and pages of people trying to outdo each other with how spartan their weddings were.)
There’s something to be said for not eloping. A somewhat traditional wedding serves an important social and familial function. Eloping is a great option for some folks, but I often feel like some people here would look down upon me if they knew that I had a seemingly traditional wedding. (And I was absolutely not a Bridezilla.)
My cousin’s wedding just a couple of weeks ago was a wonderful example of how to do it right. I don’t know what it cost or how much they sweated the details, I’m sure none of us will recall who sat with whom or exactly what we ate. But I’ll never forget their dance. It was some country-ish song with an incredibly long preamble during which they shuffled through a two-step & I thought to myself, well that’s all anyone knows to do; then when the song kicked in they really started waltzing. And suddenly I noticed that his shoes were polished to a high shine, and her neck was graceful like a swan’s. Apparently they’d been practicing for months, which just added to the sweetness of the moment.
My brother’s wife wasn’t a bridezilla, but she wasn’t the easiest bride in the world to get along with. I know she was stressed, but she got really picky and hard to deal with towards the end. The wedding, however, turned out beautifully. It made me want to have a wedding instead of eloping to Vegas, so now my SO and I are planning one for January of 2005.
However, it will be much smaller than my brother and SILs - not in terms of guests because I come from a huge family and a good 100 guests will end up being just my family - but it’s going to be more low-key. And I’m excited about a winter wedding because I like the idea of using deep colors for it. But I’ve already told my best friend that if I start edging towards the Bridezilla end, she can slap me upside the head. I’m going to remind myself that the main reason of the wedding is so that I can get married to the man I adore, and everything else is just extra.
Ava
My wife and I just got married at the courthouse (2 hours ago)
was simple, to the point and 20 dollars…
It her second and mine also…
Ive always said ANYBODY can have a big wedding
it takes work to have a marriage…BTW I was married
25 years my first time…