Scylla's Secrets of Success

Scylla · April 23, 2002, 12:38am

Believe it or not, I used to be just like you!

I lacked motivation. I was unable to find a way to unlock my inner potential and experience incredible success and personal fulfillment. Instead, I went through each day just like the one before. It felt like there was a glass ceiling over my head, a cage that I couldn’t break free from.

I was overweight, couldn’t relate to either the opposite or the same sex, I was suffering from a debilitating medical condition known as Harsking-Cortler’s Syndrome. I made minimum wage as a temp for menial labor, and I was only one step away from being unemployed in Greenland. My family wanted nothing to do with me, and spiritually I was bankrupt.

But, now all that’s changed.

I can bench 300 pounds, run a marathon, read a full page book every day. My mind voyages the realms of the multiverse in idle moments so that as I sit here speaking to you, I am also in control of thousands of alternative selves throughout parrallel universes having wonderful adventures, and doing great significant and interesting things.

I’ve mastered the secrets of the temporal fugue and am in contact with both past and future versions of myself, who I can summon for aid and advice at a moment’s notice!

People like me. The truth is, they love me. They want to be near me and help me in whatever capacity possible.

I have a direct personal relationship with God.

I actively give back to charities and am completely fulfilled, mentally, spiritually, sexually fiscally, and emotionally.

The truth is that the world is a marble with pretty veining that I hold in my hand.

How did all this happen? What changed everything?

I spent years and fortunes trying to find the answers. I travelled the far east talking to Swamies, and Gurus and Holy Men.

I spent hours listening to motivational speakers and attending symposiums, but nothing seemed to help me.

It was a sad and terrible and disapointing time of my life that lasted for years.

Then, I came across my simple secrets of success!

Though these came at great cost to myself years to discern, these remarkable insights are something that I’m prepared to share with you for little or no obligation!

I have a simple goal in this thread:

I’ve made the nonnegotioable commitment to change the life of each and every person that clicks here.

I want to make your life better, so that you can equal or even surpass my own personal achievemants and attain success and fulfillment far beyond your wildest dreams.

“It must be tough to be like you?” I hear you saying. “You must be something special. I doubt that I could ever achieve the kind of amazing success and personal fulfillment that you’ve found. It just won’t work for me!”

Well, I’ve got news for you!

That’s the voice of your own mediocrity speaking. It’s holding you back. In fact that’s all that stands between you and the kind of success and fulfillment I’m describing.

It will work for you. It will work for anybody. I’ve shared my secret insights with ordinary people just like you who are now global movers and shakers, and who are proving that my elegant system, which is simplicity itself really does work.

Whatever your dream or your goal, or your wildest desire, you to can attain it.

In order for this system to work for you, I’ll need some kind of commitment. I’ve tried all kinds of different things, but what I find best is when it’s something concrete.

What I need from you in order to hear my amazing insights and incredible secrets to success is hardly anything at all.

I want you to take a minute and reflect on what it is that you really hope for out of life, what you’d like to get from this thread, if what I say is true (and it is.)

Tell me what you want, what you really really want.

But, you’ll need to prove your commitment before hand. So, first I want you to post 100 consecutive have happy smilie faces, and in between smnilie face number fifty and fifty-one, I want you to write down that desire that wish, and post it here.

Then I’ll be back!

Exgineer · April 23, 2002, 1:20am

Got into that whiskey bottle in the cabinet behind the good china again, didn’t you?

RTFirefly · April 23, 2002, 1:29am

I’ve heard tell that some of those Amish teens grow a little weed on the side.

Eutychus · April 23, 2002, 1:31am

I just wanna get laid

Rhubarb · April 23, 2002, 1:38am

I only take advice from people who can spell difficult words like ‘parallel’ and ‘non-negotiable’.

deb2world · April 23, 2002, 1:40am

::deb hands scylla a bag of concrete::

Forget the smilies, that was your first price. I want a pony.

heresiarch · April 23, 2002, 2:01am

That missing comma kinda makes you look like a 'ho.

Well, I’m hoping that such a self-actualized person won’t be offended at a little good-natured kidding, because I want to know The Secret®.

I want a job that I really enjoy doing!

heresiarch · April 23, 2002, 2:06am

That missing comma kinda makes you look like a 'ho.

Well, I’m hoping that such a self-actualized person won’t be offended at a little good-natured kidding, because I want to know The Secret®.

I want a job that I really enjoy doing!

DPWhite · April 23, 2002, 2:14am

I just want you kids to get along.

ultrafilter · April 23, 2002, 2:36am

:):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):)I want to be able to bench 300 pounds and run a marathon.:):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):)

Oh well, not like it took me a long time to do the code (50 = 32 + 16 + 2). Let’s see if it works…

Winnowill · April 23, 2002, 2:43am

I just want to congratulate Scylla on the subtle tribute to The Princess Bride

I was also going to comment on the Sexually Fiscally, but I see someone beat me to in on the “No posts more than 60 seconds from each other” beat.

Atreyu · April 23, 2002, 2:44am

:):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):)I want to finish writing my novel.:):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):)

Dragonblink · April 23, 2002, 2:52am

:):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):) I want some lovin’ in this Gods-forsaken town. :):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):)

Nothing fiscal either … heh heh

Michael_Ellis · April 23, 2002, 2:58am

I want money, lots of money. And I want to get laid

Nacho4Sara · April 23, 2002, 3:17am

:):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):)I want to learn from my mistakes and cease repeating them.:):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):)

Zappo · April 23, 2002, 3:22am

An unsolicited testimonial from the files at headquarters:

Before I discovered the Scylla System I was nobody, nothing. A big zero. Women laughed at me and men kicked sand in my face. Even on asphalt. Dogs peed on my shoes. The suicide prevention line put me on hold. Our local poison control center told me I should take some more.

Children threw rocks at me and truckers beat me up on a regular basis. Farm animals quailed at my touch and I caused cows to give sour milk. I was a loser, baby.

But all that’s changed!

Since I discovered the Scylla System my life has turned around! I’m independently wealthy, and I have the world at my feet. Beautiful women all over the world want me and other men want to be me. Every day, I have breakfast in Bangkok, lunch in Paris, and dinner in Mason City, Iowa. My plastic surgeon refuses to work on me because he says he can’t improve my rugged good looks. At a moment’s notice I can be on the Concorde sipping champagne or lounging around the pool with movie stars and good looking women wearing scanty underwear.

I have a dazzling white smile, I can eat what I want and not gain an ounce, and my suits look like they’re a second skin. I always get a fantastic parking spot and waiters refuse my tips, saying the privilege of serving me is reward enough.

Oh yeah, life is good.

Thanks, Scylla! ::“tink” sound of sunlight reflecting off dazzling white smile::

SpaceGhostofArrakis · April 23, 2002, 4:59am

Hmm…Scylla’s been gone for a while, I wonder if…

Good Lord! Those poor sheep!:eek:

purrplebear · April 23, 2002, 5:13am

:):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):)too personal to post here:):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):)

Duke · April 23, 2002, 5:52am

I don’t want anything for myself per se, just peace and happiness for everyone on Earth. (Well, actually, I do want to be able to bowl off-spin well enough to play for the USA Cricket Association national side. There, that should be a challenge.)

The_Red_Menace · April 23, 2002, 6:16am

:):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):) A fucking car :):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):)