SDMB lies about my kids?... you FUCKS!!!!!!!!!

The BBQ Pit
41

Hokay, lemme weigh in, since I’m the one who told Tequila Mockingbird that this rumor existed.

Her name came up in conversation on IMs, and the person to whom I was talking said that (s)he had heard that yaddeh yaddeh and yah yah had happened at Spiffled. To most of it I responded, “They’re consenting adults, who cares?” However, the thing about the kids was said. Not as, “I saw this and this and I’m outraged,” but “Someone told me this and this.”

I didn’t think much of it.

Only about a week ago, TM randomly IM’ed me (much to my delight, btw) and we started talking about this and that.

In my opinion, the very best way to deal with a rumor that comes across my plate is to tell the person it’s about and see what THEY say.

Ms. Mockingbird was (understandably) shocked and dismayed. I’ve apologized for telling her about it, but a person has a right to know if rumors about them (shaddup, grammar whores) are flying around.

The person who told me is extremely contrite. He/She is pretty angry at him/herself for, if not STARTING rumors, helping them along. I apologized to him/her as well for having possibly betrayed a confidence - and was told it’s ok.

The person who told me could not remember from whence he/she had heard the rumor either.

So, to the people who started these rumors: No neat catchphrases, no cute hybrid cusswords. Fuck you. Better still, UN-fuck you. Rumors only live and breathe while the people who are the subject of them don’t know about them. This one’s out, as will be any OTHER rumor I hear. Twice now I have started to forge friendships here - however tentative - and the very FIRST thing I have had to do is find out from these people whether the rumors about them are true.

Other people have passed rumors along to me as well. I’m not sure why anyone thinks I - or anyone else - would be interested in hearing harmful, hurtful or private things about other people but by all means keep passing them along to me so I can keep verifying with the people involved whether or not you can be trusted. Y’see, if you pass around rumors about people and I find out from THOSE PEOPLE that they’re not true…you’re the one I don’t trust. I know gaining my trust isn’t a priority with anyone around here, but I’m sure other people feel the same way.

Fortunately I’m pretty sure there aren’t any rumors floating around about me. I hope that if they are, someone has the balls to tell ME about them.

And just for the record, I’ve never heard a nasty rumor about Anthracite. :smiley:

42

Psssst…Hama…I heard she’s a…lesbian!

:smiley:

jayjay (oh, wait…you said a nasty rumor…)

43

Maybe the thing to do is laugh it off. They got it wrong, and most people know it.

I big fat dislaimer here: I was not at spiffled, don’t know where it took place, don’t know who was there, and I haven’t heard anything about the event until this thread.

I think PLG has a point. I mean, how do you know these are malicious, ugly, hideous rumours knowingly spread with the intent of making you look like a shitty mom, getting your kids ripped from your custody, and having you ostracized by the SDMB? These things can escalate. One person who didn’t read or listen carefully wonders who is watching the kids. That person asks another, the chain continues amongst people who don’t know, key points get further dropped, and then someone, quite innocently, is mistakenly told you left the kids alone and is outraged. I’m not saying they’re right, or that they are fair. But they might have arrived at this information without knowing that their source wasn’t good. Malicious intent may not have been a part of anyone’s agenda. Hopefully, at this point they are relieved to know they were wrong and also a bit sheepish.

You’ve just had it illustrated to you, in quite a painful way, how hearsay can blow the truth right out of the water. Isn’t it possible that it’s also hearsay that this information is a vicious rumor spread with the sole intent of ruining you? I know your rage would be justified if that was the case, but do we know that for sure?

I’m sympathetic–I am. I take great umbrage at someone suggesting my parenting is less than adequate. But I’m just wondering if (and hoping that) maybe it isn’t as bad as you’re thinking right now in the heat of the moment.

44

I’m just glad that this thread made me curious enough to look at TM’s web page to see pictures of the kids. That allowed me to see the other pictures there. YOWZA!

Haj

45

As I’ve mentioned, the main point of this was to dispel this rumor. The fact that it was being passed around tells me that there could be possibly hundreds of people who heard it and believed it. As far as the “other scenario”, where it was “misinterpreted information”, does that excuse anyone from passing it along to others, rather than asking me directly about it when they found out, as Ham did? Personally, I take it as an equal level of maliciousness. Passing a rumor of mischief is one thing. Child abuse another entirely. There are a few other rumors going around about me being there, which I do laugh off as it’s not worth my time. (consenting adults? There must be yet another one :slight_smile: )

As far as posting the name(s) of who I’ve been able to track it down to so far, (knowing that, by the way, is why I can say with a 95% confidence level that it was done out of malice, but if I find out differently I will apologize) no I will not do that. Why? Because in this case it will be self defeating, as I know how it usually goes.

Me: The person was X.

X: Bullshit, I NEVER said that, you have no proof, it is YOU who is making up lies to discredit ME here.

Person X told: (Hmmm, I’m a friend of X’s) No, I never heard that, you must be mistaken.

Everyone else (with a few exceptions): Ya know, we’ve known X for a long time and X has never done anything hurtful, in fact X is wonderful. I think I will believe X, especially because of the other rumors which take away any credibility of TM who, by the way, is new here and we don’t know her very well. So we’ll make a show of our outrage to put an end to this and email X a disclaimer immediately afterwards.

I’m just happy I found out about this and was able to hopefully put a stop to it. My deepest thanks to Ham who actually took the time to find the truth, before passing it along, and before she passed judgement on me.

Thank you hajario :slight_smile: Apparently I’ll be sleeping with you next hahahhahah.

Anthracite is a lesbian? <shocked look> :slight_smile:

Yes, I am a much happier person today than yesterday :slight_smile:

46

First of all, let me say that whoever did this is the lowest of the low. And whoever is being snide with the rumors of sluttiness is also on that level, though you’re not as concerned about those. I’ve thought you were pretty cool, just as I think jarbaby and hardygrrl and Arden are pretty cool, because none of you are afraid of grabbing life by the delicates and squeezing until you get everything out of it you want. And I thought that of all of you within a week of being here. Some people think that makes you all unladylike or slutty. Well, scr…no, this is the Pit…fuck them. I may be gay, but I can recognize women I want to know when I see them.

On another note, I’m not sure that someone with over 700 posts can call themselves new… :smiley:

jayjay

47

Just a couple of things:
a) I thought tequila was a guy so I obviously wasnt privy to this rumor.
2) why the hell would anyone care if they brought their kids???
d) you will never know exactly who started it, that is the nature of rumors.

48

To miscreant(s)

Perhaps this was not intended to be hurtful, perhaps it was not intended to be malicious, however it has turned out that it is both, so an apology even if via email would be nice. In future please note that this sort of thing is not going to go down well in adult society.

Of course insanity is a distinct possibility here, I for one would quiver at the idea of pissing of Turbo Dog yet alone The Mockingbird.

Britt.

PS Who was the idiot that decided that children should be bought up to believe that adults never had any fun? No wonder they never want to grow up.

49

It sounds like pepperlandgirl hit the nail on the head, especially after reading Hamadryad’s account. I think you did the right thing here defending yourself. Those rumors were hurtful lies and needed to be stopped.

Hugs to Tequila Mockingbird, Turbo Dog and the adorable li’l BirdDogs.

I never liked person X anyway, and I don’t believe anything (s)he says.

50

Yeah? I wish!

:wink:

51

I wasn’t there. Haven’t met that many Dopers. Been to ONE event, and I felt so totally welcome there, that I cannot wait to make a big tray of banana bread and hike my ass down to NYC to lose at Hearts and gain at the manly art of making more friends.

As communities seem to go, this one is remarkable for it’s forthright yet well worded approach to problems. Having said that, I’m going to heave a bucket of gasoline on this one, and ask why the offending Member has not simply been called out here. It’s the Pit, for god’s sake. And you know what? This one’s not a case of " shit, man, you should have never mentioned my emails because they are private so now I’m gonna trash you in the Pit". This involved face to face situations.

Call out the person who thinks they have the right to malign a parent in public, and let them make a meager effort of defending themselves. And, let we forget, child abandonment is a crime in every state. Accusing someone falsely of a crime is also a crime. So, let’s see…who started this rumor? They were so fucking sure of themselves? Goodie. I’m all ears. Let them defend their position.

They have crossed a HUGE divide here, and are seemingly ignorant of the fact. You can go after someone’s morals, ideas, IDEALS, values or thoughts here with impunity- it’s the great gift of the SDMB. They have attacked a parent’s primary responsibility in real life, and in a way that is slow and damaging.

So, come on whomever you are. Show some spine, and say who you are and exactly WHY you said such a thing. I mean…surely…you believed it, right? Otherwise, you NEVER would have said such an abhorrent thing…RIGHT?

Immature heartless bastard. :mad: :mad:

I say, out them and let them defend themselves in the public forum we all hold so dear- THIS ONE.

In fury of cowards,
Sincerely,
Cartooniverse

p.s. Anthracite? I love your mind.

52

This is the only part I have a problem with. As much as I support TM and TD and agree that this was a shitty thing to do, this is not a problem that needs to turn into a board war. It didn’t happen on the board, and the only result of naming names would be hurt feelings on all sides. If the participants are known, this is something that needs to be worked out privately.

53

From what I’ve read of this thread, the instigator(s) is/are not known.

54

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Eutychus55 *
**

Euty, we’ve had our little run-ins in the past, but…after reading your post here and thinking a bit more about privacy…from this angle… I have to agree with you. My post was out of line. It still sucks that someone would do this of course, but it shouldn’t become a Teeming Millions issue I suppose.

My apologies.

Cartooniverse

55

I agree with Cartooniverse; this is a private issue involving a few Dopers. Either go all the way, name names, give details, let us all in on the outrage, or go the other way and keep it private.

56

I agree too.

If you don’t know who the people are that started the rumor, ask those who told you about it. Sooner or later you’ll track them down if it is still important to you.

If you do know, and it sounds like you have a pretty good idea, e-mail them directly and ask them to explain themselves to you if it is still something that is upsetting. Other than you, they don’t owe the rest of us any explanation and frankly, I have no dire need to hear it and see no purpose for them to be put on trial on the board. It’s an issue between you and them that took place off the board, which is where it should stay.

My advice? Let it go. It was just a fucked up rumor made by someone with some obvious insecurities. You’re not going to lose your kids over it, nor were you ever in any danger of it. As far as I know, you have never given anyone here any reason to think of you as an unfit mother.

I don’t mean to sounds harsh, but either move on or go diectly to the person saying these things. The SDMB just isn’t the place to do it.

57

I had said everything I needed to in this already. Except, thanks everyone for your words of support. If the mods would kindly lock this thread, I’d appreciate it.

58

'Nuff said.