Same here. When a Major Depressive episode happens with dysthymia, it’s sometimes called “Double Depression”.
I was diagnosed after a suicide attempt 23 years ago. That was actually the second time I contemplated suicide, the first was five years prior. I was on Prozac during a month or so in a local psych ward around '94 and continued for a few months afterward. It got to a point where it felt like I was high all the time and that did not seem normal.
My dysthymia typically manifests itself as a deep-seated need to keep myself occupied. I have to be actively doing something, be it messing around on my computer with a TV on in the background or getting engrossed in a movie. Even when I’m working, I need the occasional break so it doesn’t get too monotonous. If I can’t find anything better to occupy myself, I’ll fall asleep.
I still go through bad spells approximately every five years but they typically don’t last very long.
My job? I got that through a local mental health facility, sort of a work rehab program. I was only supposed to be there for six months in '94 but the place liked me so much they decided to keep me on. Ended up staying in my original position there for an extra three months while my employer decided what to do with me.
I am okay, yes. Y’know, sometimes there’s a benefit to Depression - numbness is useful in a crisis. I was perfectly calm, exited the highway and drove to the nearest hospital about 3 miles away (which isn’t anywhere near either of our homes, but time was more important than convenience) and got her in and registered and they started doing their stroke protocol stuff. I went to move the car from in front of the ER door to the parking lot, called my husband and had a, literally, 90 second breakdown before I was nice and calm again walking back into the ER.
I appear to be somatizing the stress, 'cause I’m sore and achy all over even worse than normal, but emotionally I’m feeling no worse than normal. I’ll be there at 11 when visiting hours begin and maybe we’ll know more. I’m guessing it’s going to end up as one of those “we think you probably had a TIA, but damned if we know for sure,” diagnoses. I just hope the aphasia (not finding words) goes away; to say aphasia is frustrating is an understatement.
Hell, WhyNot, I hope she’s okay. I hope you’re okay.
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everyone said that it was all i my head because of the rape and mental illness.
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Here’s the thing: your head is a part of you. I don’t think there’s a single dismissive phrase I detest more than “it’s all in your head.” So’s your brain, and we all know that affects the body, right? I hope you find a doctor who can help.
[QUOTE=Ms. Pumpkin]
What do people do all day? Usually when I have a day off, I sleep for most of it. But I’ve been off work for a week, and I’m so bored!
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Mostly fucking around on the computer and feeling guilty about wasting all my time. Sometimes I get into a housecleaning fit and wash sinks and stuff.
I love the art you’re producing, Dunkelheit. I keep feeling this need to make something or create something, but it’s so hard to get past the thought that it’s a waste of money and time and it’s going to be shit anyway. I write, but I feel like I’m not good enough at it. I can’t define what “good enough” is, though. I’ve come to the conclusion that I need goals. I’m not fulfilled at work, and getting pregnant is something I can’t control on my own, so I need to find something to focus on and put energy into. Something that will give me a finished product at the end and something I can point to and say “I did that”. Something that I actually have control over. I don’t know what that is yet.
I’m sorry I’m not doing a better job keeping up with the thread. It’s growing fast and I’ve had a lot going on. You guys are all so great and supportive of each other and it makes me glad to see.
WhyNot, that is crazy! I hope you aren’t feeling guilty or anything, like you caused it. Because you didn’t. I’m so glad to hear your mother is okay and that you are also handling things well.
Yesterday I woke up depressed, and all achy and pissy. It was just clear it wasn’t going to be a good day. And in a way, it wasn’t. I was pretty much depressed or irritable the entire day, my calves were killing me from a previous workout and my knees and ankles were creaky.
But in a different way, it was a good day because I did my workout assignment - 30 minutes of jump rope - anyway. And even though I didn’t think I would enjoy it, I played a game with my husband and I did end up enjoying it. I even managed to get some dishes washed.
So even though my mood didn’t change much, I still had the satisfaction of knowing at the end of the day that it wasn’t a wasted day. I still made progress toward my goals. I hate to admit it, but exercise really does seem to help me manage my depression better.
You guys might be interested in a good book I read - it’s called Get it Done When You’re Depressed. It’s the first book about productivity that actually addresses the issues that depressed people have with doing work, and gives practical tips for overcoming inertia. It was really validating and it was also very helpful for the really hard days. I’m sure that book is part of the reason I was able to exercise and do dishes and all that while I was feeling depressed. The other reason is my Coach is a total hardass, and I have found that daily accountability is an excellent motivator.
Thanks, olives. Looks like there’s a copy available at my library, so I just put a hold on it and will pick it up this week. I’d like to have the “wasted day” feeling less often!
Thanks, guys. No, I mostly think it’s kind of hilarious, in an over the top kind of way. The timing, I mean, not the stroke. And I’m very glad that I was with her to notice it, or she wouldn’t have sought care on her own.
Definitely a stroke, or probably a series of “mini-strokes” (which we’re calling TIA’s these days) caused by blood clots somewhere in her body breaking free and blocking the tiny blood vessels in the brain. They’re keeping her another night to do some more tests to figure out where/why the clots are happening. They think it’s more than one stroke, because last night after I left, she remembered two episodes earlier in the week where she was talking with friends an suddenly words came out all garbled. They all laughed about it and she didn’t really think about it again. But those were also probably TIAs.
So, yeah. Public service announcement: strokes don’t always cause one sided weakness and droopy face and slurred speech and make people fall down. If someone you love just suddenly starts speaking nonsense or not speaking much at all, get them to an ER.
And, to drag this back on topic…it’s mentioned in the hospital’s patient education about strokes that Depression is a common after effect of stroke. They’re not sure if it’s a direct brain chemistry gone wonky because of the stroke or if people have self-esteem and body image issues that trigger depression after a stroke, but it’s something to watch out for.
Sufferin’ succotash, WhyNot, I was there when my dad suddenly went aphasic - though his was the complete inability to find words and sudden onset “I’m pissed off at the entire world but especially YOU”. I probably would have clued in after a bit, but I was stressed by a bunch of things, on the phone with my mom, and didn’t put it together until my mom called back to say all her coworkers had told her HE’S HAVING A STROKE. I’d feel worse, except my mom’s an RN (which is why all her coworkers immediately knew what was going on).
Considering how fast you got her in for treatment, I doubt she’ll suffer any long term effects.
And in comparison, a friend who was hospitalized for her depression said that her patient education stated that a bout of depression could do as much brain damage as a stroke. Sucks, but . . . yeah, I can totally see that.
Good news, today. The orthopedist says I don’t need surgery for my wrist(which has been bothering me for months), so there’s that much less worry in my life.
Two days till my counseling starts. I’m getting nervous. Question: Would it be appropriate to bring a notebook and take my own notes during my sessions?
Totally appropriate. Just let the therapist know you’d like to take notes. I often scribble things down during my sessions, because my therapist gives me homework and I don’t want to forget.
Has anyone tried TMS? (transcranial magnetic stimulation) I asked my shrink (psychiatrist) about it and apparently even though it’s FDA approved for MDD (and possibly one or two other things) it’s not normally covered by insurance. That by itself wouldn’t normally bother me but treatments are $250 per session and a minimum of 20 are required. Plus, while he reported some very dramatic anecdotal accounts of remission in people with MDD (and some that were much less impressive if not discouraging), my issues as to the general rubric of melancholia fall more under the dysthymia/anhedonia/atypical depression subcategories. In those regards he was much less sanguine.
I would still consider it, but I’d like to hear much more about it from others and I haven’t been to my support groups in a while so I’m a bit behind the times in terms of the very latest in anecdotal evidence.
deltasigma, I did TMS for severe treatment-resistant depression. Altogether it cost me about $10,000. We’ve submitted an appeal for our insurance company but that was like a year ago and I haven’t heard anything (will be following up soon.)
I too heard many anecdotal accounts and there are a few studies that show TMS may be efficacious for treatment-resistant depression. Unfortunately for me, it didn’t really help. Maybe in the beginning it did, because my initial results were really positive, but ultimately I ended up back at square one. My psychiatrist really wanted to believe that it had helped and recommended I try some follow-up treatments, but I’m done.
Sorry I couldn’t give you a glowing endorsement. I do know there are people it has helped.
Thanks **OM **- that’s much appreciated and I really hope you get somewhere with your ins carrier. May I offer some advice there? Contact the insurance commission or whatever body regulates insurers in your state and start the complaint process - regardless of what bs the company gives you. They’ll string you along indefinitely and eventually it will be too late to do anything. You have to ride herd on these bastards, trust me.
She feels back to normal, but they did find reasons to do some more tests, and maybe a “procedure” to correct a not-uncommon defect they found in her heart. A patent foramen ovale, meaning there’s a little hole between two chambers of her heart where there shouldn’t be. Babies are almost all born with it, but it is supposed to close within a few days of birth. About 5% (# from a cardiologist, I didn’t fact check it) don’t, and it’s often something you don’t find out about for decades, if ever. They’re not sure if it’s causing a problem or not; still discussing.
I actually haven’t been better in quite a while. I guess it’s just my coping with other people’s distress. I’m fine. I will potentially be a mess when she’s home and recovered and safe.
I’m thinking that part of my Depression not fixing itself this time is that I just haven’t been busy enough. I’ve only been working about 30 hours a week, and spending WAY too much time in my comfy chair on the internet. I think maybe I need to take some more patients (after mom’s home) and keep busy. Or is that avoidance? I just don’t know.
Thanks- I had somehow conjured up this idea that she might scold me- “I’m the one who takes the notes in this relationship!” I’m always so afraid of doing the wrong thing… I’m curious- what kinds of homework?
I think it’s only avoidance if that’s how you’re treating it. I’m having problems with my words, today, dammit. What I mean is, I don’t necessarily think distraction = avoidance, unless you go out of your way to become so busy there is just no time to consider yourself and your own feelings. If your work satisfies you and gives you feelings of accomplishment and pride, it seems like doing more could be a great boost for you.
Okay, so yesterday my husband found out that he didn’t match for internship Phase II in clinical psych, meaning we’re stuck waiting another year (for the second year in a row) and have no guarantee of funding and it could take months to find a place for him. And last night as he cried into my arms, he told me the best thing I can do for him is just really commit myself to my job so we have that safety net. Which of course I do because I love my job.
Today my boss regretfully informed me that my position isn’t going to exist starting in September.
What a lovely thing to ponder over Easter vacation.
ETA: Oh, and by the way, I’m pretty sure he’s officially clinically depressed now too.
