SDMB Ongoing Depression Support Thread

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
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I read and crochet and play computer games. A lot.

I really think I might have some kind of seasonal thing going on. It’s clouding up outside and my decent mood is drifting down. I’m starting to catch myself beating me up and dwelling on minor shit (and some not so minor that I can’t do anything about). “Why bother?” is becoming my mental refrain. Hey self, stop that.

You know, having an autoimmune disease that required lots of medication when I was young was probably the best thing that ever happened to me. I think it kept me off the drugs in my adult life. Of course, considering the treatments probably exacerbated my depression…eh, six of one, half dozen of the other.

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Oh, no, what terrible news. hugs Remember you’ve got some people in your corner if you ever need us.

I have PTSD and I know it can be hell. My doctors told me unfortunately it’s not something that can be medicated away. I had amazing, almost miraculous results with prolonged exposure therapy. After 10 years of severe PTSD, symptomatically I’m maybe at 10% of what I used to be and it has been over 3 years since I received treatment. My only major recurrent symptom anymore is nightmares. Don’t give up. There is a way through it. Unfortunately it’s going to be painful, which really sucks because you already had the unfairness of the trauma and now you have the unfairness of having to go through the struggle of recovery. I’m not going to sugar-coat it, PTSD blows. But from someone on the other side - you will get through it.

I’m kind of awful with unstructured time, but when I don’t get sucked into the internet for the entire day, I read a lot, enjoy a hot bath, play video games, go for a walk, cook something that takes a little effort, or call people on the phone. Or clean. Really, that’s been my thing lately, cleaning. I’ve had worse methods of coping.

Agreed, which is why I’m sayin’ I had a good day. I had some things come up unexpectedly at work today and I could feel myself start going down that path of misery… but then I said, no, this isn’t the time to dwell on things and I was able to pick myself back up and carry on. It turned out to be a really productive day.

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Atm colouring therapy aka colouring in for adults. got myself some nice copic marrkers. me

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I spend a lot of time on the internet, interacting with friends and family on Facebook, or reading forum discussions here and elsewhere, or following links to other interesting items. I read a lot of books and watch tv or videos. One day a week I volunteer at a local historical site. If I had a garden, I’d spend time puttering around in it. If I have the energy and inclination, I do a bit of housework, and try to keep us from drowning in dust and black mold, which seem to be two crops that never fail here.

Sometimes I play computer games like Bejeweled, which I find particularly soothing or purging. It seems to free up my mind to follow its own path, almost like some kind of meditation. Sometimes I’ll be playing and not thinking about much of anything, and suddenly tears will be pouring down my face – but not in a bad way, rather in a sort of cleansing way. I have a couple of other computer games which require more ability to actually think and concentrate, which can be too difficult to contemplate these days, but Bejeweled is nice and mindless.

Last spring I started putting together Christmas presents for the family out of junk mail and guitar strings and such, which took up a lot of time. You can see examples of my handiwork here if you’re interested:

There are pictures of just about everything I made on there if you want to browse. :wink:

I really should get out more, meet more people and get more exercise, but the weather has been brutal, and I don’t have money to go to pubs or coffeshops. So most of my activities have been the indoor kind.

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:slight_smile: Excellent!

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I consider it a good day when I have enough energy to be bored. After getting the bare minimum to survive another day done, I could lie in bed and stare at the ceiling without being bored.

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My problem is I’m bored but I don’t have the energy or motivation to do much. Also, I think some of what I’m thinking of as boredom is really more like loneliness.

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I once read an interesting article about anhedonia. At least for folks with schizophrenia, anhedonia makes even fun activities seem like they’d be horrible chores, robbing people of the motivation to do them. But if you force someone to do them (like, for instance, go to a concert), they can find them enjoyable. So anhedonia doesn’t always affect one’s ability to experience pleasure. Sometimes it just infects motivation.

I try to remember this when I’m feeling anhedonic or apathetic. I always have to remember that my reactions just can’t be trusted–that as horrible as an activity may seem in my mind, I have to force myself to just do it and just trust that it won’t be that bad. It is very hard to do, though. It’s like trying to talk yourself out of a delusion. And even after I do something and get some enjoyment out of it, I forget.

Ms.Pumpkin, avoiding idleness has been key to me. I remember what it was like when I didn’t have structure in my weekends. I would walk aimlessly for hours and not have anything to show for it except for calluses on my feet. After working with my therapist for awhile, we realized that I lacked structure. So I took a ceramics class for awhile, then a forestry class, and then a yoga class–which I still do. I have my painting and sculpting that I occupies a lot of my time, and then there’s the time I spend giving away my artwork. For a laid-back homebody, I stay busy. I feel like I have to.

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Yeah, that’s pretty much it. Looks like I have to find things that I think should be enjoyable, and then bite the bullet and give 'em a try.

God, I feel so fucking defective right now.

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I don’t know what you spend on a trainer, but I find that a tread mill together with a source of entertainment works pretty well and I have pretty severe dysthymia among other issues. You just pair it up with an old television and DVD player or better yet old computer. Then you either burn a couple different DVD’s or copy stuff to a thumb drive and play want you want when your walking.

The best thing about it is that they generally break things down into laps. Mine has quarter mile laps and unless I’m having a very bad day, I generally squeeze out at least one quarter mile lap at a stretch while watching some comedy anime, Comedy Central or something similarly mindless but amusing.

All I need to do haul my butt up on it a couple times every day and really does make a difference. If I have a good day, I can do a couple of miles and do one of the interval programs where you alternately jog and walk. Most will give you the option for at least a couple of custom programs.

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Dunkelheit I play Bejeweled for the same reason. I do it while paying the bills, making out the next week’s menus and grocery list, etc.
I like your artwork.

I need to be more physically active. Used to, when something was bothering me, I’d throw myself into work, mow the yard or drive aimlessly till I felt more centered. (Provided I could get out of bed.) I can’t do any of those things anymore.
I feel so frustrated! Our financial situation has got me in an “acute” stage over and above the usual “low-grade fever” type chronic depression. My hands are tied; I can’t do anything about things and that just sucks. For me, depression, at best, is like a slightly-damp wool blanket; it stinks but I can still pull it up over my head.

I want to kick the covers off! But I’m not strong enough.

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Thank you! :wink: It’s nice to have my efforts validated. I think the family liked them too; PaulParkhead’s aunt took me into the room where she’d hung the wreath (second link down) to show me how it went with the wall paint and other decor. It was all highly experimental, as this is the first time I’ve tried anything like this. The dragonfly I linked was developed when an ex back home saw the picture of the larger one I’d made for my mother’s partner (earlier in the photo stream) and wanted me to make a smaller version for a friend of his. I like the smaller one better, the first one was a bit out of proportion – I should have made the wings longer. Getting them to balance on the legs is a challenge as well; the third one I made had to be satisfied with a hook for hanging because I’d put too much wire in the thorax for it to stand up properly.

I think for next Christmas I’ll be making recycled paper art. I’ve been collecting junk paper and sorting it into different colours; what I’ll probably do is make a base layer of white(ish) paper fibers and squirt the other colours on top of it from squeeze bottles to make patterns and pictures. I hope it works, as I’ve never tried that before either. It’s fun to get inventive. I’ve always been somewhat crafty or artistic, but I struggle with the creativity aspect. It’s hard to think of what to make, so for now I mostly imitate natural forms: flowers, insects, trees, landscapes, etc.

I wish I had more motivation to get physical too. A garden would be such good therapy for me right now – well, perhaps not RIGHT now, as it’s ridiculously blizzardy out there these days. But doing gardeny things has always been good exercise, both physical and mental. I’m also in acute stress due to our financial situation, and it just gets worse as they implement reductions in housing benefits and such. I wake up after a couple of hours of sleep and can’t sink back down because my heart is thumping like a trip hammer and my stomach is in knots. The helplessness is the worst part. I try to make our income stretch as far as possible, but there’s only so much I can do with what we have. We’ve already received the maximum number of visits the local food bank was willing to offer us, but I’m thinking of begging them for another. I hate begging, but I hate struggling as well. I want to just curl up and ignore the whole world, but I don’t dare let myself do that, or we’ll be well and truly up against it. I have to keep trying, even when it feels futile and hopeless.

I was so hopeful after the job interview yesterday, but now I’m in the “I can’t do it” stage of things, where I’m afraid that even if I get it, I’ll fail horribly. I won’t get it anyway, I’m sure they must have had a more suitable candidate out of the hundred or so applicants they got, just like every other job I’ve applied for over the past three years. But the feeling of incapability is paralyzing all by itself.

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I hope you do get the job and Ruby, I hope yours is resolved in a financially beneficial way.

It’s disheartening that so many people are worried about just the basics.

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I like your artwork, Dunkelheit.

madrabbitwoman, it sounds like maybe you’re in the Outback, or some other place far away from the population centers that have clinics and support groups. That’s a terrible situation to be when what you need is the love and comfort of others. What’s the availability of medical care? You shouldn’t have to suffer through incontinence and vaginal pain no matter what the cause, and it worries me, because if it’s an infection or an injury that won’t heal, it literally will not get better until there’s some intervention. Is there anyone who can be an advocate for you?

As for me and free time, it all depends on where I am in my depression. Like I said earlier, I am coming out of a long term bout (close to two years). When I’m very depressed, I tend to sleep or watch tv. My saving grace at the worst of it was that I was in charge of my mom’s dog, the most wonderful, sweetest, loving chihuahua/Italian Greyhound mix on the planet, and cuddling with her helped. Knowing that I was responsible for her, I could pry myself out of the worst funk and take her for a walk, or take her to the dog park. I’m fairly convinced that she is one of the reasons I’m still alive.

As I recover, I start doing more things. I read (which can become a time waster if I do nothing but read, or if I’m rereading novels I’ve already read ten times). I know I’m getting better when, on seeing a sink full of dirty dishes, my reaction is “let’s take care of that” instead of “God, I suck”. I start doing more chores, and I start doing them regularly instead of letting them pile up for weeks.

I know I’m doing much, much better when I start taking on projects. I have tomato plants to get into a planter this afternoon. As well as strawberries. And then there’s my bike, which I need to fix the front tire on and then reattach it. If I get all those done today, I will be very satisfied.

When I’m at my worst and kicking myself for not cleaning or doing laundry or whatever, I have to remind myself that it’s the disease. As soon as I start recovering, I do all those things. When I have a relapse, it goes away. It’s as much a symptom as a headache or nausea are symptoms of other illnesses.

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Depression since aged 12.

25 now.

I was taking fluoxetine for months and it helped a lot with intrusive thoughts related to OCD and depressive moods, however I put on over 30 pounds and it made me not care. Not in a depressive way but in a passive way, I went from exercising everyday to being incredibly blase about my health. I was scared for me but I felt mentally better than I had for a long time.

Then they made me not care so much that I couldn’t be bothered to take them, haven’t taken them for over 3 months and depression is back with a vengence after a few stressful episodes, a breakdown and things getting on top of me, I’m going to start them again.

When you have a disease like this, stress can be deadly. It’s also very hard to describe why you haven’t done anything all day -" I felt sad?" “It was a choice between me being fantastic and giving everything up and lying down in the road?” What do these people want to hear from someone with depression, I wonder?

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everyone said that it was all i my head because of the rape and mental illness. only 3 months ago anyone decided something physical might be going on. First specialist was an expensive jerk. next apt is on the 9th of April at Melbourne women’s hospital.

It is one year this week since the rape.

I think I need to get rid of the rabbit. She refuses to litter train and her tail is always wet. tried antibiotics but no go.

My garden which I need to feed me the rabbit is waist high in weeds and my house is so messy that it looks like something off the telly. I just want to stay in bed and be left alone.

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That’s exactly what happened to me. I was on the same stuff with the same results, only I gained about 70 lbs. I lost 50 after a year of intensive weight loss, but I still have body image and weight issues lingering. I started feeling worse because I realized how fat I had gotten. Full metal fail, fluoxetine.

This is why I absolutely refuse to take drugs unless non-chemical intervention fails. I’m not going through that again. I already have weight problems due to being on steroids during puberty, I don’t need help gaining weight.

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The worst medication I took, as far a weight gain goes, was Geodon. I wasn’t even on it for long, and I gained 50lbs. That was 6 or 7 years ago and I’ve gained more weight, since. Well, I have lost 10lbs since December, actually. It’s a combination of getting braces(eating is such a hassle, now), and just not feeling like eating. Not the best weight loss program, I’m sure.

Some friends are out of town for the weekend, so I was recruited to go over and check on their pets, today. Played with the kitties and the bunnies, which was nice. I did everything I was supposed to(they left a list), and actually felt a sense of accomplishment. Too bad I can’t take care of my own house. Not that I don’t feed my cats, but don’t ask me about the litterbox situation, right now. :eek:

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fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck

I finally “came out” to my mother about the Depression being back after a year of trying to hide it from her. She had a stroke.

No, I mean, literally, in the car as I was telling her,* she had a stroke*. She started babbling nonsense and then stopped talking and couldn’t find many words and started “seeing funny” and thought my white car was “blue…no, red!” while actually looking through the windshield at the white hood of the car. :smack:

A very mild one, it appears, although they’re keeping her at least overnight and she sees a neurologist and gets an MRI in the morning.

Ugh. I did not need this right now. Neither, of course, did she.

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Holy crap, I hope she’s ok! Are you ok?