My apologies for my tardiness, Mr. Beer (and, may I remind you, that you are starring in my creation, The SDMB Comic Book? Just thought you’d like to know). I, for one, accept the challenge, and issue this query to my other honorable (and those that may not be so honorable, be there any) opponents:
Will we go with negative ad campaigns? (If so, I believe they should all be reserved to the Pit, and the standard SDMB rules, especially those of repeat/cross posting, will apply).
And in response to Tripler…
If we’re going to just go at it until we’re exhausted, we might as well settle this in the ring with the WWF. I would suggest no more than a dozen questions (dozen being a fun word to say), though I’d prefer to keep it about half that in order to prevent clutter from arising.
Also, I propose that we discourage the usage of cheesy catch phrases like “fuzzy math”. However, phrases like “code blue” are cool (according to Bill Watterson).
Anyway… bring on the debates! And I think Tripler was referring to me when he said that someone prefers the later hours.
Mr. Fate, Immigrants in favour of Deportation magazine bi-monthly. what are the candidates proposed solutions for the removal of shameless flirting hijacks?
[adapts deferential tone]
SDMB has been fighting ignorance since 1973 and the US faces a situation of either Big Al or Bubya becoming its venerable leader. To what extent would you accept personal responsibility for this? Do you consider this an example of “cause and effect” or a plain case of “shit happens”?
As a supplementary, would the candidates give an undertaking on whether they would be prepared to offer afficionados, for an appropriate tariff, the right to spend a night on the Cecil Adams couch to supplement their campaign funds?
[/adapts deferential tone]
(returns to chair, takes out notepad, begins to doodle)
Okay, well, I think we have a problem. I…er…haven’t seen steeljaw around in a while. I’m gonna post a thread looking for him, but if he doesn’t show up by tomorrow, we may have to take drastic action.
As his vp candidate, though, if he doesn’t show up, I’ll be happy to represent the “I wanna live in a big-ass house” party in the debate, and the race. If he doesn’t show, just consider the tickets flipped.
:::Arriving Late, taking seat::: Mr. Beer, I apologize for being late, but I was busy raising campaign funds on the White House Front Lawn.:::::
I shall adress Mr. Sofa King ( Any relation to Stephen King?) on the important subject of *When you share your bed with your SO, who sleeps in the wet spot? *
Sir Mr. UncleBeer, esq., I wish to announce my candidacy on behalf of the “abolish shirts forever!” party. I promise to do away with monkeysuits and nooses (suits and ties) and furthermore to prohibit the use of anything covering the chest and/or upper body of an attractive man/male person. I also promise to pass legislation prohibiting attractive females from wearing shirts, as it interferes with their ability to tan.
A picture of me demonstrating my campaign promise is obtainable here.
Okay, well, he still hasn’t showed, and I have to leave soon, so, unless he climbs out of the river that I dumped him i…errr…turns up, consider the tickets officially flipped, meaning that everybody’s ol buddy Jester will be takin his place!
<Richard Nixon pose>
Sounds good. I also suggest that all candidates taking part in the debates have the eventually-created debate thread set to E-mail them whenever someone replies to it.
And Shirley… no responding to the questions 'til the debates! These here are only suggestions for questions that will be asked during the debates.
Mr. iampunha: Will you extend this proposed “no shirts” legislation to women? And, if not, how do you justify such gender-based legislation?
Ms. Ujest: As a former member of the Dead Chipmunk campaign team, it is my sad duty to inform everyone that the candidate is no longer available to hold office. Alas, maggots ate him.
This leads to this question–what is your position on maggot control, and should this be a federal or state issue?
So, how many candidates do we have now?
[list=1]
[li]Shirley Ujest[/li][li]Jester, sitting in for steeljaw[/li][li]Tripler[/li][li]Spoofe Bo Diddly[/li][li]iampuhna[/li][li]and dpr[/li][/list=1]
Is that it?
It also seems we have a movement underway to limit the number of questions to the candidates. That seems fair. How about ten? Is that acceptable to everyone? I’d also like, at this time, to ask everyone to speak loudly. Apparently Shirley has a malfunctioning hearing aid. Shirley, do you know about ear-candling?
I thought this might be a cool place to let everyone know that I want to run for VP. I’d be a really cool addition to any ticket. For an example of my ability to implement wide-ranging, paradigm-shifting, world-changing policies, please read my manifesto on Ramen noodles in this thread.
I’d run for president, but I think the VP slot would more effectively allow me to accomplish my goal of simply coming up with great ideas, but not really doing anything.
What, in your opinion, is a fair price for use of the Lincoln Bedroom, and would you charge extra if any of your (ahem) “friends” did the Wild Thing in it?
I would formally like to claim THespos as my running mate, or at least my Minister of Ramen Noodle For Everyone Department.
To save time ( and to bump this up) here is one of the finest rambles on a subject near and dear to my heart and waistline, the Ramen Noodle:
nstant rules. I don’t know what “fresh Ramen” is, but I’m sure it doesn’t cost 5/$1.
I went to the supermarket last night and there are so many new flavors! I am so completely jealous of those who are in college right now (KHespos, mylittle sister included). You can’t fully appreciate Ramen Pride until you spend your last two dollars on Monday to buy Ramen that will feed you until Friday.
Here’s my big philosophical question of the day… Why can’t we end world hunger with Ramen noodles? A brick of Ramen:
Costs next to nothing
Is very portable and nearly unbreakable
Is easy to prepare
Comes in a variety of flavors and is very yummy
This is my plan:
We need to build a worldwide infrastructure that allows us to distribute Ramen noodles anywhere in the world in a fairly quick manner. Something like
FedEx, but only for Ramen.
We must add to our Ramen production facilities so that we might feed the world.
The U.S. Government must be made to cooperate.
Assumptions:
Ramen costs 10 cents/brick to make. This is generous. I’ve seen them sell 10/$1 in stores when I was in college, which was only 6 years ago.
There are 828 million undernourished people in the world, according to worldhunger.org. Liberals always pad the figures, so let’s assume this is a
generous assumption, too.
These people need to be fed every day. That’s generous, too. Even if you’re in some weird underdeveloped nation, you have to be able to find at least
something to eat at least one day out of the freaking year on your own, for chrissake.
You would never pay more for shipping something than the actual cost of goods (unless you are some sort of insane e-commerce business).
Calculations:
The cost of producing all of this Ramen is $30.222 billion per year. Throw in another $30 billion or so for shipping. $219 for every man, woman and child
in America. It would be a lot less, though, because we could get other governments to chip in.
Everybody loves America again, because no one’s hungry. No more burning U.S. flags, because the U.S. put together the program that ended world hunger.
Risks:
There are probably more efficient ways to do this.
It’s flagrant socialism.
Living on Ramen noodles would give everybody a freaking heart attack.
We’d never get the Russians to cooperate. They’d stall it by suggesting that we use microwave burritos instead, or something.
Corruption and the political nonsense surrounding government contracting would artificially inflate the cost of buying up all the Ramen. Palm-greasing
might make this prohibitively expensive.
Well, maybe this wasn’t such a good idea. Unca Cecil, help me out here.
This is not a bad thing. While feeding the starving of the world, if half of them kick up their toes because of a Ramen noodle only dietary plan, then there is less to feed and we solve the world overpopulation problem at the same time. Kinda a retroactive birth control.
