Hey! We’re out of tequila back here!
filthy arrives late with pickup truck full of drunken, heavly armed, fellow rednecks…
Reports: Troll hunting, while perhaps a little premature, was only fairly successful. It seems the word’s gotton out that Jester has a great shot at being the Prez and trolls might suffer because of it.
Hey, pass me that bottle of Jack.
VOTE JESTER!!!
out of tequila??? DAMN those bastards!
ok, who was in charge of booze???
Sorry I am late, but you started it on EST and that is waaaay too early ::shudder::.
I did go out and collect some eggs, I think I got half good and half rotten.
Woohoo candidates, hiss hiss.
::eggs thrown at platform, hits UncleBeer::
oops, sorry about that.
Firstly, I’d like to thank sdimbert for his question, as I feel that, due to the fact that we all use IP addresses, this is an extremely relevent issue to us as SDMB members.
As I have no campaign funds (what would I spend them on?), I feel absolutely no pressure from Big Business, and thus am able to stand up to them without feeling the support of my party waning.
In addition, the wholesale logging and selling of IP addresses makes the job of protecting the SDMB from trolls and other annoyances extremely difficult, a job I feel the moderators here at the SDMB do admirably, and would like to acknowledge them for their dedication, determination and perseverence.
I am sure you all have seen the recent efforts of the banned troll concrete to continue to harass and otherwise annoy the fine members of the SDMB. Had IPs not been logged and sold unscrupulously, the moderators would have been able to lock him on one IP address and permanently ban him.
On a more political note, I have no running mate. No female counterpart to sway the male vote.
WTF? This debate has been going on all day and not ONE bloody reference to affordable non-prescription drugs for dopers!?
Hello nominees! You’d better start getting your finger on the pulse of this board or my vote’s going to Dave Barry.
well, the thread’s been open all day, the jury’s still out on “the debate’s been open all day”.
by the way, did you bring anything???
we’re almost out of Schnapps and the tequilla’s been gone for an hour.
Yeah. Especially affordable non-prescription marijuana, which I might add is also notably absent here in the back row…
Don’t drop that Night Train, wring. It’s all we have left.
Potatoe? Potatoa? Potatou? Potatow!!
I just want to point out, before I begin, that Jester rapes infants, Tripler sold political and military secrets to the Chinese, Shirley eats raw monkey brains and never brushes herr teeth, iampunha stole his testicles from a bull, and dpr routinely forgets to flush public toilets after taking a huge crap in 'em.
With that being said, I would like to answer the question with an anecdote: Before coming to this debate, I talked with an old woman named… er… Georgina. She hasn’t a clue about what IP’s are. In fact, she doesn’t even exist. So forget that story.
Anyway, as iampunha, ball-snitcher that he is, already said, these are resources that we all use. In this complete disregard for the people that are most affected by this practice of logging and selling IP’s, Big Business not only rapidly and recklessly depletes a limited resource, but they hurt the consumers. Apparently, something must be done to prevent such harmful acts.
However, I’m also reluctant to place too many restrictions on Big Business that may hurt the little “Mom & Pop” stores that still dot our wonderful country. So what I call for is this… one person, one IP. Take the business out of the equation and get down to the real meat of the issue. With each person having only one IP, that would enable Big Business to continue doing their transactions and commerce via the Internet, while still protecting Mr. and Mrs. Joe Average from the continued predations of Trolls.
And I think Carthage must be destroyed.
I say throw punha and Didly out - just for answering the question with more than 50 words (or three paragraphs)! Can’t keep up with all that after those tequilla shots <hic>! Damn verbose candidates!
** trade ** you’re right, and what’s more, you’re hogging the tequila!!!
I thought we ran out 2 hours ago. LET’S JUMP TRADE!! He’s got tequilla!!!
eeeeeeeeeeyiiiiiiiiii!
Damn the IPs! Full steam ahead!
Peanuts! Popcorn! COLD BEER HERE!
Getch yer cold beer here!
Cold beer! Bottle rockets! Boomerangs! Bow and arrows! Glock-17’s here! Getch yer red hot Glock-17’s!
Do you need hollow-points for that sir?
Cold beer, here!
<McKenna comes in with nice fresh New England hard cider for all, and as a bonus some rotten windfall apples for throwing. She sits in the back row and puts her feet up on the chair in front of her, which is inhabited, but won’t be for long>
<stage whisper to Wring, bringing turned heads and Shhh’s from Row 5 back> So? What’d I miss?
<Throws deceased octopus at the candidates. Shouts “Go Red Wings!” to confuse the issue. Chortles over his secret stash of tequila.>
** McKenna ** it’s been slow going, mostly due to the remnants of bottles and vegetables on stage. The sound system sucks, too, since I can still hear the candidates.
We’re planning a coup - there’s alchol in them thar seats. We need a recon group to go out and check for the enemy. we haven’t heard from the moderator, but the curtain has had some suspicious movement. Fortunately, I left a mini cam on poised, well, let’s just say that we’ll be knowin’ who’s been “crying Uncle”…
** MysterEcks ** hand up another bottle or I’ll call you a crybaby…
Hey, I only devoted TWO paragraphs to the question. Everything else consisted of color commentary to keep things fun. (C’mon, that line about Carthage must have tickled a few jollies).
In addition, I believe that… ::gets smacked with a cucumber::… ow!!
I mean… uh… I did not have sexual relations with that St. Bernard.
Point of order! That was a ** hot house ** cucumber honorable candidate SPD. If ya can’t get your veggies right, how are you going to run the, the, what the hell are we voting for again???
It’s a desperate situation here in the trenchs. We’re out of tequilla, nothing’s getting passed up from the back rows, we’re running out of exotic vegetables and fruits to throw, we may have to resort to words.
Hey ** Bean counter** how 'bout a bag o peanuts, a glock and some ammo for my flame thrower?
staggers to stairs leading to the stage, can’t make it all the way up them, so sits down on the top one.
While doing research for Jester, a candidate that believes in doing his homework, I explored the prevelance of vice on, in, and amongst the SDMB. It saddens me to report that the situation borders upon intolarable. This must be rectified and Jester, a wise and firm candidate with the courage to delegate authority to those best qualified, has seen fit to ask me to become his President of Vice, and I assure you that steps will be taken!
There is not enough vice! Floating poker and crap games are rare to the point non-existance and almost everyone is sober almost all the time. It’s my understanding that some Dopers are even able to drive an automobile on St. Pat’s Day. IN THE AFTERNOON, I ASK YOU TO BELIEVE!! And Bordellos? Where are the fucking bordellos?
I, under Jester’s direction and leadership, will work tirelessly to bring the state of Vice up to at least, and probably exceeding the current, national standards.
No, big dummy! The underground, national standards!
Jester and I will see to it that there will be ample booze, both cheap and the good stuff of all kinds, top drawer reefer and none of that seedy, Columbian shit, regular updates on where the games are (coded of course. Gotta keep out the riff-raff) on hand. And as soon as Jester takes office, we will open the bidding for the construction of The Straight Dope Any and All Sexes and Preferences Brothel (emergency medical personell and vetrinarians on premisis at all times).
Furthermore…Who…threw…them…hog-slops :mad:…
I (grinds teeth) forgive you, you…Aw, fuckit, VOTE JESTER
Hey Unclebeer, I think you’ve onto a real winner here.
This could become the world’s first ecologically sustainable debate. 
By the way, … apologies, from this side of the equator my vision is obscured … are you still hiding behind the curtain or are you on the stage amongst the ratatouille?