UncleBeer, don’t leave us hanging. We’re only done with 3 questions over here. We want to show the American people what we’re made of!
And Shirley, what the heck was that? <Billy Madison> At no point in your incoherent ramblings did you even come CLOSE to achieving a rational thought. Everyone in this thread is now dumber for having listened to you.</Billy Madison>
Was I supposed to be offended by that? You call that mud? That’s not even dirt!
::busy mixing up new batch of mud::
"Hello, Acme supply Company? Yes, I’d like to have an order FedX’d to me here at the SDMB. We need:
12 whoopee cushions,
one Bark-a-lounger
two sets of belly chains - do you have the mink lined ones? Excellent. Payment plan??? ** Jester ** will be paying the bill "
“hello, Gordon’s food services??? Can I get an order Fed-x’d to me here at the SDMB? I can? Great. we need 15 cases of tequilla. One case of cocktail onions, the sour kind, please. Also, what do you have in the vegatable department? Bok Choy? sure. Napa? excellent. Any exotic Fruits? Some quince? sure. how about some of those blood oranges? not in season yet, huh. damn. well, send over what you have. Payment? oh, ** Shirley Ujest ** will be paying.”
Now where’s my rolodex?
Aaah yes. More tequila. I always wondered why they call them ‘Political Parties’. 
Tripler
Pass me a bottle too.
We’ve gotta up the rubber chicken supply here, too.
Not to be the party pooper, but we were promised ten questions, and I, for one, am still waiting for question 4. Not that I want to stop the fun being - hey! That is NOT how you use a rubber chicken!
I’m the master of rubber chickens, and I’ll use 'em any way that I see fit, thank you very much.
Besides, it likes this.
Figures, a girl shows up in her undies and you guys start choking the chicken.
Cigars, anyone?
I beg your pardon, I was just … Um, well… Ahem.
I was simply straightening my tie.
Tripler
You can’t spell “scandal” without the ‘sandal’.
Hey, I leave the chicken alone 'til the undies come off, babe.
I don’t choke chickens or smoke, but thank you very much for the offer.
Where’s the girl in undies?
BTW, I would like to announce that my running mate is Palmyra. She will be responsible for garnering the straight male and lesbian vote. We’re going for the “vote for the hot chick!” style.
[aside: FWIW, I thought she was talking about an actual chicken until that last post. If you want a naive prez, vote for me!]
Did I ever tell you that Gullible was the main character in Gullible’s Travels? Yeah, and I wrote it, too.
I’m reading that in English this term, else I might actually believe you, Shirley.
Damn!
We should have anticipated this since the moderator is named “UncleBeer…”
Can I ask a question to the other candidates?
::::ahem:::
Who’s on buried in Grant’s Tomb?
Hey, I just checked the steel cage, and UncleBeer seems to have run away. Yeah, he dug a hole under his desk with a ballpoint pen, took a keg, and made a break for it. Anybody know what to do from here? Y’know, till Shirley’s booze and my “pary favors” get here? Cause once they do, I’ve got a few ideas…
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I’m here, I’ve just been on a toot, a bender, a weekend drunk. My apologies.
Next question is from wring.
Candidates, what would you recommend as suitable punishment for a poster who, while correcting another’s spelling, also misspells? As a corollary, what’s fitting for a committing the dreaded double post followed by an “Oops, I didn’t mean to do that.”
Why do I think I’ve seen all these before?
If yer gonna correkt speling, ya oughta be preparred for people to bust you for your own misstakes. And be prepared to be flaimed bigtime.
As for the double post . . . you’ve posted twice. No need to post three times in a row. Who do you know who’s ever purposefully double-posted? We assume it’s a mistake.
No!!! Who’s on first!!!
From http://www.update.uu.se/~d93jnor/AbbotCostello.html:
“Costello: Now who’s playing third base?
Abbot: Why do you insist on putting Who on third base?
Costello: What am I putting on third?
Abbot: No, What is on second.
Costello: You don’t want who on second?
Abbot: Who is on first.
Costello: I don’t know.
Together: Third base!”
You don’t want to get into an argument about semantics with those two . . .