SDMB Slave Auction

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Ok gang, I have great pleasure to present an event that will be talked about for at least three or four days.

Yes it’s the great SDMB Slave Auction of 2001!!!

The rules are simple: I put up people for auction, you bid on them. Now it’s for charity so don’t be stingy. Heck feel free to not use money. You can only bid THREE times however: so no mucking around and wasting our time (and board bandwidth) on stupid little bids. These are quality slaves - be serious or go elsewhere.

If anyone else wants to be part of this as a slave feel free to contact me or post your own details here.
First up we have three of the loveliest ladies on the board.

Sapphire Bullets Of Love: What can you say about saph? She’s witty, intelligent, lovely, has great taste (in music and men), wonderful to chat with… I could rave on and on but anyone with half a brain knows they shouldn’t miss out on this amazing pre-law student. Comes with her own rock to wind a piece of string around.

** Silverfire: ** Yes that’s right: the official SD chat ho here ready for you!! Fast tongue, honest demeanour and talented (she has a demo CD). Comes complete with a new car and Magical Glowing Vagina apparently.

**Nymysys: ** Yes, that shy, retiring Chicago girl has also consented to appear here. Honest and straightforward, you don’t want to miss out on this well-read model. Seen her pic? Gorgeous. Chatted to her? Intelligent and witty. Want her? Line starts to the right… Comes with attitude to burn.

Amazing quality. Stunning ladies, so don’t be stingy: you only have three bids! And hopefully more to come soon!!
Let the bidding begin…

[sub]
Terms and conditions: Whatever dpr says goes. Don’t argue. It’s his thread and he is claiming deity status within its confines. Neener neener neener.
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2000: World doesn't end despite Y2K hooplah, Sydney Olympics, The US has the most enteratining presidential election yet - although Dave Barry loses again, Australian cricket sets new standards by breaking the world record for the most consecutive test wins, Elian Gonzalez debacle, dpr meets nym, Sir John Gielgud died, LA riots following the Laker's NBA win (what would have happend if they'd lost?), Childers backpacker fire kills 15, One of Pres. Clinton's last acts is to sign legislation for "digital signatures."
2

Well, I could do this a number of ways, but I think I’ll start the bidding light: Dinner for all. Wine and drinks and massages all around.

And a Platinum card.

3

Sorry: BTW I’m bidding on all of the lovely ladies.

4

dpr,

What are the odds of putting wyldelf on the auction block anytime soon? Any way to work something out between us to make sure I get her?

And I would make a bid on the lovely Nymysys, but I only get three bids, so I want to see what I’ll need to outbid first.

5

I am bidding on Sapphire Bullet. :smiley:

Dinner, drinks, and massages. On top of that I throw in my large (seemingly neverending) portfolio, plantnium card, and 7 years of my mom forcing me into ball room dancing classes (i.e. I am a helluva dancer). :slight_smile:

6

Wyld will probably be part of the next wave Crunchy. But be careful you don’t miss out. Look at these lovely girls here. Miss them and you’ll never forgive yourself. Heck I’d think you mad!!! And as for the girl’s tempers…

7

I simply refuse to choose between these lovely ladies.

Here is my initial offer:

80+ empty tins of Altoids
A large stuffed animal frog named Mortimer
Chocolate. Lots of chocolate.
Beautiful and lyric love poetry.
Chances to experience life at a Venerable New England College (Ivy league, no less) that is currently buried under a foot and a half of snow.
Someone who honestly understand period cramps. [sub]Ha! Beat that, XY chromosones![/sub]

And, of course…

Hot lesbian action.

8

andy’s mine. I called her!

9

Since Silver wants Andy…

I’m going for Sapphire! :wink:

My initial offer includes

chocolate,
flowers,
dinner,
no emotional baggage,
mafia protection,
tax exemptions
and a free PUPPY!!! :slight_smile:

10

Guys I think you’ve missed the point here. Proceeds go to charity so bidding shouldn’t be aimed at the girls!!

Tell you what… when you bid, give me an amount or whatever your bid is comprised of AND what you’d give the girl in question (so I can ensure you’re worthy of them).

And rememeber - ** I ** have the final say on who goes where: I’ll be the one comparing the bids and deciding who was the highest bidder.

11

I bid $4000 and two large containers of imported teddy bears for Nymysys.

dpr: I’ll spoli her and wine and dine her till she can handle no more of the fine life. Good enough?

12

dpr:
…can I put in a bid for the Silver/Andy combo?

13

**Poohpah ** heck it’s for charity… why not?

and ** Ender’s Gameboy ** I reserve judgement till I’m ready to judge the bids.
Which btw, could be at anytime gang. So don’t leave your bids too late. My attention span mightn’t last THAT long…

14

SDMB slave auction? Are you sure you don’t mean BDSM? I’m completely confused here.

And I would also like to offer myself for auction. Particularly if we can concentrate on the BDSM aspects and lean away from the SDMB a bit.

Why should you waste your money bidding on me? (Gosh, I feel like I’m writing an advertisement here) Because I’m new and improved! I taste great and am less filling!

Also, I’m sort of a regular cute, educated, perky, youngish woman. Any takers? Want more details? Perhaps I should say, “See your local dealer for more details. Void where prohibited.”

-L

15

Um, hello, excuse me…
::waving wildly from the back of the room::

Nonononono, I’m not bidding. Is the male slave auction in a different room, or later in this thread?

16

:: walks in to check out the offers, but gets distracted by the wild waving from the back of the room ::

Hey, I love birds! I have a bunch of feeders in my yard, but I’ve never had a screech-owl visit. We need to expand this auction, so I can take her home. I’ll bid $5000, and I’ll donate a 1986 Toyota pickup truck that any charity would be able to use. I want the owl!

(Hmmmm, maybe we can trade slave services, since she’s looking too!)

[sup]OK, so I have an ulterior motive. I need screech-owl to convince that red-headed woodpecker to stop jackhammering on my house at 7AM every morning![/sup]

17

I’m serious, you can’t afford to pass up this opportunity. As seen on tv! It slices, it dices, it sucks the chrome off a tailpipe. It’s the Ronco Laura-Matic!

How many times has this happened to you? Well you can prevent this sad state of affairs by bidding on your very own Laura-Matic today. If you call within the next thirty seconds, we will throw in this free, exclusive…umm…rubber buzzing toy of some kind. If you decide to return your Laura-Matic, the toy is yours to keep, free of charge.

It can cut through this tin can and still slice a tomato! It grows its own hair with no watering at all! It cuts your need for storage space in half AND reduces the fat in your favorite foods to zero! It flattens your abs and rids you of cellulite!

NOW how much would you bid?

By the way, what’s the charity we’re bidding for here?

-L

18

Right. I thought we were finally going to get into my area of expertise.

I’d like to go on the auction block myself, and I’ll be a slave to either male or female masters. I come complete with my own collar and my tongue is long enough to touch the bottom of my chin.

Plus I’m a relative newbie to the boards, completely free of virtual marriages or flirty sig notes! Perhaps some male out there would like to be the first?

jarbaby

19

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by jarbabyj *
**

Hey, we’re the same :slight_smile: Except for the long tongue thing, but don’t tell anyone else, k?

-L
Can you tell I don’t have anything to do at work but post silly nonsense?

20

You know what, I’ll put myself up for auction. I cook, I clean, and I’m hung like a 2-year old. For me, that’s a compliment.

And I tell jokes.