Damn.
Uh, Mister Slave Auctioneer, sir? Might I inquire as to the availability of one matt_mcl? I’d like to bid three cans of spam, um, some pocket lint, and a moving box.
(Hey, I came in late! It’s all I have! 
)
Esprix
E,
matt_mcl is still available and pending the appeal against the blank cheque bid might be going very cheaply…
So, um, have I gone to Jester, or what?
I thought I’d outbid Jester. Auctioneer, a ruling, please? 
Ah-hah, so that’s the way it is? So, I’ll up the bid:
Upping the bid for Matt_mcl:
Implentation of Esperanto classes world-wide at all grade levels, effective immediately.
The head of that Canadian MP, what-his-name, the jerk, the leader of that small conservative party, on a pike.
And… said jerk’s seat in the Canadian Parliment which Matt_mcl can use at his discretion.
PLUS my original bid of a blank-check and $5. to be used for whatever monetary amount Esprix bids on Matt_mcl.
Time Machine, eh? Well, I’ll just have to think of something to beat that. Hmmmmm…
Errrr…
Oooh, this is a tough one…
Uhmmmm…
Ah, screw it.
<picks up a crowbar and walks into the next room.>
DIE, you thrice-damned-time-changing-apparatus!
CRASH!!
<walks back in, dusting off hands>
There. That takes care of that.
<looks over, sees Firefly’s time machine in the corner>
Damn. All those cardboard boxes look the same. Well, I guess I have to bid legitimately now. SO, I’d just like to say that I have a time travel machine of my OWN, but instead of making you do all the work, traveling back in time and such, I have trained a highly intelligent monkey to operate the device. You may send this talented simeon to fetch whatever music group you feel like hearing at the moment, and have a concert right in your living room. When he’s not traveling, though, he’ll make the ideal companion.
Okay, Firefly, beat THAT one!
Begging your pardon, sir, but Joe Clark, who leads the small Conservative party, isn’t a jerk. Stockwell Day, who leads the big conservative Canadian Alliance party, is a jerk (not to mention a homophobic, lying bigot).
shushes the slave
goes to rule on Cyndar, but doesn’t as the bid gets upped anyway
Ok I’ll bid on everyone, hey I’m not a picky bastard!
As long as you like sensual massages, walks, affection, “round the world” vacations, world peace, all the money in the world, the secret of Cecil Adams, rare works of art, hidden treasures etc…well then I’m “the man,” yo master! No offense to the other participants - ::snicker:: - but the competition just plain SUCKS!
Ha ha ha, I win.
::Silo wanders off with everyone::
I may be laying my unit on the line here, but I’m going to go up against one of the biggest bad-ass mods here on the grounds that he’s completely circumvented the rules by not even bidding.
Manhattan! I’m callin’ you out. ArdenRanger pulled a tranq gun on me elsewhere and I think a long weekend with her as my slave might just go well towards evening the score.
dpr: Mr. Auctioneer, I call a point of order to point out that you never accepted ArdenRanger’s offering of herself to be put on the auction block. Compunding this is manhattan refusing to bid on her and instead immediately claiming ownership, thereby denying others the opportunity to bid. Since you have “deity status” in this thread I look to you to correct this oversight!
In anticipation of you opening up bidding on Arden, I offer twelve cases of V.B. plus three cases of Glenlivet, and a lifetime supply of beet-laden BK Whoppers - or cash equivalent. And I’ll vow to tell every Yank within the sound of my voice that Crocodile Dundee, Foster’s, and Outback Steakhouse have nothing to do with what Australia REALLY is. (Thanks to C3’s husband for clueing me in to certain Aussie proclivities.)
Now, finally to Arden. Since we bidders apparently have to impress those whom we bid on, allow me to say this: Though my bidding is an attempt to respond to the tranq gun incident, understand I won’t be responding in kind. I do not treat slaves as such. You threatened to turn my tygr-ish hide into a rug, but during our time together I’ll prove what a dire mistake that would have been on your part.
Though I will dominate, I don’t dispense pain to my subject. No, I find that dispensing pleasure achieves a greater degree of willingness to be subservient. You’ll be restrained, but merely for the purposes of allowing me better access to your body. And that won’t be for my benfit, but so I am best able to lightly caress every inch of your skin, measuring your responses and slowly increasing my efforts, gradually heightening your excitement to a fever pitch. At that point I will add the stimulation of my lips to that which my fingertips are creating. I’ll continue caressing and exploring as the hours stretch into days.
That is how a love slave is to be treated. I hope I’ve made a decent case for my bid.
Awwwww, c’mon, hurry up with it, pwease? I’m currently in the lead, and I don’t see any of my competitors around. And just to up the ante, I’ll throw in the military of a small country, ready to act on your every whim.
Easy there, silly boy – you’ll pop a vein. Whilst a “slave auction” can sometimes be a bit of fun and a neat fundraiser to boot, the reality is that subs are not bought – they are earned. arden came to me by choice, and she is mine by her choice. She is free to make a new choice at any time. Servitude is always consensual. However, if it will make you feel better about the “auction rules,” I will up my donation to God’s Love We Deliver to $1,200 this year. Real cash money. Probably should have done it last year anyway.
Hmmph. I’ve never taken a male slave. Perhaps I’ll start. If you would like, I could quickly teach you what real consensual servitude is all about. If you prove yourself worthy and arden is willing, perhaps you can serve by her side someday.
[sup]1: Some settling of contents may have occurred in copying this quote[/sup]
::: wondering if I should put myself up for auction here :::
Nahh Euty…it’s no fun having nobody bid on you…believe me I know…
Keith
How did Manny circumvent the rules? He made a request and the slave in question (not yet belonging to anyone) had the right to refuse as she wished. She chose not to. Don’t blame ManhattAn for that…
And rules 57c of the fine print (see terms and conditions) state that anyone can place themselves up for auction at which point they come under the control of said deity to dispose of on behalf of the charity as he sees fit.
So the minute they offer themselves in this thread they are - by default - offered.
And you’re not supposed to impress her with the side bids - just prove to me that you’d take reasonable care of them. For the rest of my response see Manny’s reply.
has a few of the big bouncers escort the obvious delirous silo outside
I also declare Euty up for sale. So come on, come all. Get your very own personal moderator as a slave!!!
Well, I’ll bid on Euty.
My bid consists of:
$8.61 in cash
One copy of The Princess Bride
$627.18 worth of assorted paperback books
A large deep dish pizza
A box of Cheerios
A ski resort in Aspen.
hopes no one tries to overbid her
OK…
I’ll bid six cases of diet cherry Coke, two packs of sunflower seeds, removal of Jesse Ventura from office, a roll and a half of quarters (US) and an egg salad sandwich for Odie.
Robin
completes the paperwork and then sets Saph free, declaring that she can never be a slave to anyone but her own desires from now on (pixies should be free to roam the world) and let’s her go with a tear
Now Nym, on the other hand. HER I’m keeping forever.
OK, how about the Answer to the Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe, and Everything?
That’s with, or without, the Question itself, as you prefer. But delivery of the Question will be delayed somewhat, so that I can enjoy my slave for a short while before the Universe disappears and is instantly replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable.
Well, I still don’t see how that beats a trained monkey, but what the Hell, I’ll bite.
I offer the chance to transcend to the next level of conciousness. Your awareness will increase to Godlike potential as all %100 of your mind goes into effect. You will be able to converse with your deity of choice, or with yourself if you so prefer. All the secrets of the universe will be yours, and you’ll be able to make stuff fly around the room with your thoughts. Cool, eh?
That, and the universe won’t explode. And you get to keep the chimp.