Seeking Doper's Opinions Regarding Depression i.e. Do I have it

[treis]

First off I realize that none of you are my doctor/psychiatrist. No advice will be taken as medical advice. If I want an accurate diagonsis I know I should see a doctor yada yada insert rest of standard disclaimer.

O.K. with that out of the way why don’t I give some personal background. I am a few months past my 19th birthday. I currently attend a Big 10 university and am a sophomore majoring in Mechanical Engineering with a 3.80 GPA. I have never resembled anything close to a ‘good’ student. In highschool I scraped by with a 3.6 or so GPA (on a weighted scale Honors A was a 5 B 4 then C was a normal 2 with probably 50% honors so my average letter grade was probably a B to B-) doing the absolute minimum in regards to homework. My goal was a B- (to get the honors weighting) and I usually met that on the strength of my test scores.

As far as my social life goes there are currently 4 people I would consider myself to be friends with. I have had exactly 1 girlfriend for about a month duration before she moved. I went to one dance and never had the desire (nor probably the oppurtunity) to go to another. I have many people probably on the order of 25-30 that I would consider aquiantinces that if I pass on the street I will generally have a conversation with. Generally in social situations I am on the quiet side but don’t have a problem striking up a conversation with a stranger.

Now onto the reasons why I am starting this thread. I have almost always preferred to spend my time alone. Depending on the time in my life I would say that I would spend 60-40% of normally social time alone. I would say that I probably desired a 80-20% mix of alone time. Now I realize that there is nothing inherently wrong with wanting to be alone (and have argued so with my Mother a few times). The reason I bring this up is that it seems that my desire to be alone and my ‘alone’ time has gone to near 100% of social time.

My freshman year of college I suppose I decided to turn a new leaf over and become more socially inclined. I would surmise that I forced my desire to change from an 80-20 mix to more of a 10-90 mix. I met new people and went to parties and would say I was socially ‘sucessful’ in that I befriended a good number of people. Towards the end of the year however I was reverting back to my earlier split of alone time versus social time. Over the summer I ended up working a lot and was probably back to my original 60-40 split. I did an internship for my fall quarter and by that time I had honestly no desire to meet new people. That feeling continues to today. As of late I feel like I have become more I would say hostile towards other people. It also seems that day to day the ‘hostility’ level varies in its intensity.

The other reason I am asking is that I find myself becoming increasingly angry at nothing for no particular reason. I don’t exactly know how to describe it but I guess if I had a mood ring on it would be increasingly on the ‘pissed’ color for no good reason. Its hasn’t been that unusual for me to find myself in a general foul mood for no reason. Theres a pretty good chance it is becuase its pretty damn cold outside and I am freezing my nuts off but I thought I’d bring it up.

My point in this thread is to sort of peg whether or not my behavior falls into the normal range or a range in which psychiatric help might be beneficial. Thanks in advance for your replies.

[Richard_Parker]

Your description of your emotional life seems pretty normal to me. So normal that its almost stereotypical: The introverted, smart science guy. It’s also not at all uncommon for college sophomores to experience a period of soul-searching depression; its part of re-inventing yourself (which everyone does freshman year), finding your path in life (which everyone is expected to do around SO year), and increasingly difficult classes.
I think if you’ve always been an 80/20 alone time/social time kind of guy, an increase to 100 may indicate some stress, or minor depression, but doesn’t strike me as needing psychological attention. But then, talking to someone is always helpful. In my estimation, having four real friends is more than many people have.
As for feeling hostile, I guess it depends. When I’m feeling down, or even sometimes when I feel introverted, I feel hostility towards others in a sort of Holden Caulfield sort of way. Especially if I haven’t had a date in a while.
If your school has a counselling service (which as a Big 10 school I assume they do), it never hurts to set up an appointment to chat with someone; it’s often free and will probably allay your fears.

 Best.

[Silver_Fire]

You’re 19, you’re in school (full time, I assume), you’re trying to make grades, etc.

Ever think you might just be stressed? That covers the foul moods anyway.

As for the rest of it, my entirely unprofessional opinion is as follows:

You are shockingly normal.

However, if you have serious concerns about the status of your mental health (or lack thereof, as the case sometimes is), seek help. Also, google “depression”, “bi-polar disorder”, “Alyssa Milano” (she’s fun), et cetera. Hell, even emode (is it still called “emode”?) has a “Are you Depressed” test. Take that, and see how things come out.

Good luck with school.

[Zoe]

Nothing that you described particularly makes me think of depression. But if you are not functioning at a level that pleases you, it doesn’t hurt to talk it out with someone.

I used to be really hostile too. It helped to be able to channel the anger into the appropriate direction (instead of at humanity in general and at myself in particular).

I don’t know that being solitary is so bad. But staying behind closed door too much can become a problem. If you are going to be alone, at least spend some time outside.

(This message is brought to you by your friendly neighborhood agoraphobic.)

[inkleberry]

[QUOTE=treis]

As far as my social life goes there are currently 4 people I would consider myself to be friends with. I have had exactly 1 girlfriend for about a month duration before she moved. I went to one dance and never had the desire (nor probably the oppurtunity) to go to another. I have many people probably on the order of 25-30 that I would consider aquiantinces that if I pass on the street I will generally have a conversation with. Generally in social situations I am on the quiet side but don’t have a problem striking up a conversation with a stranger.

[QUOTE]

I don’t know how old you are. Depending upon your age, this may be entirely normal. Even if it isn’t the “norm” for your age group, the question isn’t how many dates, friends, etc you have, but rather why you have that number and how you feel about it. Afraid of rejection? Just don’t fit in? Don’t like most people? Extremely demanding career? This just who you are?

Now onto the reasons why I am starting this thread. I have almost always preferred to spend my time alone. Depending on the time in my life I would say that I would spend 60-40% of normally social time alone. I would say that I probably desired a 80-20% mix of alone time. Now I realize that there is nothing inherently wrong with wanting to be alone (and have argued so with my Mother a few times). The reason I bring this up is that it seems that my desire to be alone and my ‘alone’ time has gone to near 100% of social time.

Ok, now we are talking. Did some event happen recently that made you withdraw? A falling out with someone? Trouble at work/school? Or is it rather a feeling of ‘why bother’? Feeling anxious about going out? Apathetic in general? You don’t say, but a change like this to the degree you describe does indeed make my shrink ears perk up.

My freshman year of college I suppose I decided to turn a new leaf over and become more socially inclined. I would surmise that I forced my desire to change from an 80-20 mix to more of a 10-90 mix. I met new people and went to parties and would say I was socially ‘sucessful’ in that I befriended a good number of people. Towards the end of the year however I was reverting back to my earlier split of alone time versus social time. Over the summer I ended up working a lot and was probably back to my original 60-40 split.

Why did you decide to force yourself? It sounds like your happy medium may well be 60-40, which is totally normal and as long as you are happy with it, fine. You could just be an introvert.

[QUOTE]
As of late I feel like I have become more I would say hostile towards other people. It also seems that day to day the ‘hostility’ level varies in its intensity.

[QUOTE]

This, however, also makes my ears perk up. Feelings of irritability are common in depression, and are often the presenting problem rather than sadness for men.

The other reason I am asking is that I find myself becoming increasingly angry at nothing for no particular reason. I don’t exactly know how to describe it but I guess if I had a mood ring on it would be increasingly on the ‘pissed’ color for no good reason. Its hasn’t been that unusual for me to find myself in a general foul mood for no reason. Theres a pretty good chance it is becuase its pretty damn cold outside and I am freezing my nuts off but I thought I’d bring it up.

Sounds kinda like you could have something going on with seasonal affective stuff here.

My point in this thread is to sort of peg whether or not my behavior falls into the normal range or a range in which psychiatric help might be beneficial. Thanks in advance for your replies.

Clinically, there are two criteria to decide whether any behavior or feelings need to be treated.
a) Does your behavior cause significant interference with work, social life, or ability to function?
b) Does your behavior or feelings cause significant distress to you?

If either is yes, then yes, you should go.

If you are just curious about whether therapy may be beneficial, my advice is go once and see. Call a few therapists on your insurance plan and schedule an appointment with one that you feel comfortable with. Tell them what is going on. Bring this post if it helps. A reputable and ethical therapist will not continue to see you without valid reason. During this session they can also help you understand exactly what therapy can and cannot help with, and help you clarify what your goals are if you decide to get therapy.

I wonder if you are asking here because you want validation that something is going on or ‘just not right.’ Ok. It does sound like something is going on. You are cranky and withdrawing, both are signs of depression. Can this be helped? Certainly. Is there something wrong with you as a person? Certainly not. No more so than having a broken leg or diabetes would make you a flawed person. Do you regularly ask people for their opion about whether you should see a medical doctor? No? Then you don’t need anybody’s permission here either.

Give it a go. Like the rest of life, it’ll either end up working or it won’t. But sitting around and wondering about it isn’t gonna give you the answers you ultimately want.

[Dunderman]

Can’t really add anything except to say that nothing you’ve said sounds like depression at all. You may have something, but it’s not depression.

[Othersider]

I’m inclined to agree with Priceguy. You might benefit from some counseling, though - it’s more help than many people skeptical of it often realize. It may not be as comforting as I intend it to be, but you don’t sound any more abnormal than many people I’ve met that describe similar situations.

For what it’s worth, I’ve been treated for depression before, and in case you wanted to learn more about it, you might try this website for a starter place, or feel free to give me a buzz if you’d need a sounding board.

[ninetypercent]

Hah! When I was depressed, I would not have had the energy to even write a thread that long, let alone go to college, have a social life, or be able to change my behaviour to the extent that I was capable of meeting new people. I quit/was fired from a dozen different jobs during that time, at least. Sometimes, I would think that breathing was so much effort that life was just not worth continuing. There was zero joy in my life. No way to relieve boredom, because no activity was pleasurable. Unless you count sleeping. Of course, my dreams were nightmares; I was lucky not to remember most of them.

Ditto on the “no depression” diagnosis. That being said, I strongly urge you to seek professional assistance. You DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT want to let this continue to the point that you are obviously ill. It’s like cancer in its potential to destroy your life, including the possibility of doing irreperable damage to your health, mental and physical.

[Bippy_the_Beardless]

If you can seek a psychiatrist it may be helpful since they will almost sertainly confirm that you don’t have any problem at the moment, since it is allways good to hear from a pro. Does your anger ever manifest as violent action, punching walls, kicking things etc.? Do you ever think about hurting yourself or killing yourself?
If your anger gets in the way of your normal life, or lead to violence then a psychiatrist may help you with some anger management / redirection.
If you think much about harming yourself, feel very low self worth, contemplate suicide, self medicate with alcohol/drugs to be able to feel OK, then those are big signs of depression.

[cuauhtemoc]

@treis

My freshman year of college I suppose I decided to turn a new leaf over and become more socially inclined. I would surmise that I forced my desire to change from an 80-20 mix to more of a 10-90 mix. I met new people and went to parties and would say I was socially ‘sucessful’ in that I befriended a good number of people.

There you go. First of all, did you make an effort to become more of a social person because you thought it was something you were supposed to do, or because you decided you liked people and wanted more to do with them?

My guess is it’s the second one. You felt you were missing out on something by being such a loner, and like any good engineer, set out to fix the problem (with percentages and everything).

But then you reverted back to your old “loner” ways and then some. Think about why you might have done this. You sound like a serious student. Do you think cultivating friendships is frivolous? Do you think you don’t deserve to have friends and a good time unless your academic/financial/intellectual/emotional life is completely in order?

Because if so, you’d do well to disabuse yourself of that silly notion as soon as possible. You’re smart, and despite what you may think, you do like people. You’re also capable of making friends, as many as you want. You did it once, and with effort, you can do it again.

[treis]

@Silver Fire

You’re 19, you’re in school (full time, I assume), you’re trying to make grades, etc.

Ever think you might just be stressed? That covers the foul moods anyway.

Never have been stressed about school before so I don’t think thats the cause.

@Zoe

I don’t know that being solitary is so bad. But staying behind closed door too much can become a problem. If you are going to be alone, at least spend some time outside.

I play basketball at least twice a week. I am trying to minimize my time outside as it is friggen cold!

@inkleberry

Ok, now we are talking. Did some event happen recently that made you withdraw? A falling out with someone? Trouble at work/school?

No to all of the above.

@inkleberry

Or is it rather a feeling of ‘why bother’? Feeling anxious about going out? Apathetic in general? You don’t say, but a change like this to the degree you describe does indeed make my shrink ears perk up.

Apathetic in general would probably be the best descriptor. I just don’t feel like talking to anyone at this point.

@inkleberry

Why did you decide to force yourself? It sounds like your happy medium may well be 60-40, which is totally normal and as long as you are happy with it, fine. You could just be an introvert.

Hm I am not entirely sure why I forced myself to be more social. Probably a combination of the excitment of the ‘college experience’ and a conscious decision.

@inkleberry

Sounds kinda like you could have something going on with seasonal affective stuff here.

That might be a possibility. The past two winters I have asked myself why I didn’t go south to go to school.

@inkleberry

I wonder if you are asking here because you want validation that something is going on or ‘just not right.’ Ok. It does sound like something is going on. You are cranky and withdrawing, both are signs of depression. Can this be helped? Certainly. Is there something wrong with you as a person? Certainly not. No more so than having a broken leg or diabetes would make you a flawed person. Do you regularly ask people for their opion about whether you should see a medical doctor? No? Then you don’t need anybody’s permission here either.

Its the engineer in me kickin up again. I have some data and I just wanted to see whether or not it fell into the normal range.

@Bippy the Beardless

Does your anger ever manifest as violent action, punching walls, kicking things etc.? Do you ever think about hurting yourself or killing yourself?

No

@Bippy the Beardless

If your anger gets in the way of your normal life, or lead to violence then a psychiatrist may help you with some anger management / redirection.
If you think much about harming yourself, feel very low self worth, contemplate suicide, self medicate with alcohol/drugs to be able to feel OK, then those are big signs of depression.

I don’t think any of the above applies to me.

@cuahtemoc

There you go. First of all, did you make an effort to become more of a social person because you thought it was something you were supposed to do, or because you decided you liked people and wanted more to do with them?

Mostly becuase it was something I was supposed to do.

@cuahtemoc

But then you reverted back to your old “loner” ways and then some. Think about why you might have done this. You sound like a serious student.

Hm I wouldn’t consider myself a serious student. I go to class, do my homework, and study a bit for tests. Does that a serious student make?

@cuahtemoc

Do you think cultivating friendships is frivolous?

No

@cuahtemoc

Do you think you don’t deserve to have friends and a good time unless your academic/financial/intellectual/emotional life is completely in order?

I wouldn’t say I don’t deserve it but that the other things you mention would take priority.

@cuahtemoc

You’re smart, and despite what you may think, you do like people. You’re also capable of making friends, as many as you want. You did it once, and with effort, you can do it again.

I think you’re right. I think I just need to get myself out of this funk and sort of remind myself that I do like the social time too.\

Thanks for the replies