I’m sitting in my International Law class and in walks a new student. This girl is gorgeous, no other way to put it. She’s way out of my league, but I can’t help but admire her for a moment every now and again. More amazingly, in a class where few students make any comments she offers several excellent points. Now I’m full blown infatuated, but its little more than idle fantasy. That was a few classes ago. Today, when I took my furtive glances I noticed she was looking back at me out of the corner of her eye. My initial (and regrettably usual) response was to grow anxious and show signs of nervousness, heart beating, swallowing hard, shaking etc. I kept things relatively in check though, and we were far enough apart that I don’t think she noticed much. I calmed down by explaining to myself that women like this are not interested in 150-pound weaklings such as myself. I steeled myself, and shot another glance to make sure, and I got the very definite impression that she was somewhat pleased that I was looking. This time I didn’t get nervous, I actually started playing around with the notion that she might be interested in me. Of course, I never actually intended to do anything about it. At the end of class she got up and stood in front of my row, doing nothing in particular, almost like she was waiting for me. I didn’t know what to do so I looked at her briefly gave the most nonchalant smile I could muster and walked by. She seemed somewhat disappointed.
What was I supposed to do in that situation? Is it normal to just say hello to a complete stranger for no apparent reason? If so, what kind of follow up do I make? This isn’t the first time I’ve felt like I was blowing a golden opportunity because of my shyness. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Go up to her and say “Hi, I loved that comment you made about such and such.” And take it from there. If she’s friendly towards you, ask her out to coffee or lunch or something.
If she’s looking at you, and standing around waiting for you, that’s a good sign. A very good sign.
You have to go out on a limb, be brave, and risk rejection.
Um…yea. You share a class. Suggest studying for a test or something. Saying hello to someone isn’t asking them to marry you. No need to be nervous at all.
Both of you make sense; I just don’t know if I can pull it off. It’s only the past few years that the opposite sex has begun to notice me, and I never really adjusted to it. Like I said, I have a tendency to become involuntarily nervous, and somehow I manage to make whomever I’m speaking with nervous as well. More than anything else it really pisses me off when it happens. Sometimes I’m not even nervous about anything, but the social circumstance overrides my logic. When I was just a chubby, freckled, bookworm this was not a problem.
Part of me thinks I would be insane not to make an effort with this girl, and part of me thinks I will inevitably fuck things up. Not to mention she really is over-the-top beautiful, like perfect, and I am most definitely not. The whole scenario just doesn’t seem possible, and yet here I am.
There’s a moment, usually when eye contact is first made, that saying anything, even if it is just “Hi” is the most natural thing in the world. The more time that passes from that moment is a more awkward (for lack of a better word) time to start a conversation.
Does she come to class early? If so you should too.
Ideally, come in just a smidge later than she usually does and sit next to her. You may worry that it’ll look unnatural because you always take seat 13F. Don’t hesitate. If you need a pretense, come to class just before class starts and pray there’s a seat open next to her. Odds are there will be sooner or later.
If there’s time to chat before class, and she makes eye contact, just say hi. Then segue into chatter “I’ve never seen you before this class, are you new to this school?” Then have her talk about herself.
Or, if you’re not sweating out of every pore in your body (not that I’d blame you), introduce yourself instead.
You: I don’t think we’ve met, my name is cainxinth.
Her: My name is ____.
You: Nice to meet you. Are you new here?
Her: Yes I am, would you mind showing me your bedroom - er, around the neighborhood?
Well, I’m not exactly a dog faced freak, and I dated men of all shapes, sizes and levels of physical attractiveness before I got married. Buck up and have some confidence in yourself, friend!
And next time you think she’s looking/making eye contact, just try saying “hi”. It’s a start!
I would never have the balls to do that. And, if I did I would definitely not be able to form coherent sentences. Seriously, I lose all control of myself. It’s terribly embarrassing and frustrating. I think I’m just going to try “bumping into her” after class, or something equally lame.
Hey, that works too. Taking things a tad literally, one of my uncles knocked a girl’s books out of her arms (a tad blatantly, so the story goes) as an icebreaker. And they’ve been married for decades now.
Seriously, though, try showing up late(ish) and giving the “all the other seats are full” routine a try (works best in lecture classes which this doesn’t seem to be, but still) and if you’re lucky, she’ll initiate conversation.
