I’m pretty sure I could plagiarize better stuff.
We embrace like wrestling pythons, my eager fingers circumnavigate your waist questing for an opening to your moist, lush untamed garden. Looking deep into into your eyes I notice how throughly you have worked on tweezing away your monobrow and girlstache. My blood rushes considering all the possibilities inherent in exploring your tangled jungle of delights. I taste your eagerness. I smell your smell, and I know you are ready for a musky rutting.
Your mojito scented breath whispers “Take me!”. Your urgency is contrasted with the impenetrable spandex sheath you have encased yourself in. I can find no purchase to unwrap your treasures. "Damn these Spanx! Let me take these off, I’ll be right back ", you whisper and go to the bathroom.
I lie back on your bed waiting or you. I smell the faint scent of “White Shoulders” on your pillow and think to myself how this evening started with you playing mother hen for your younger co-workers at that bar on East Main.
…
I disagree with this. Guys keep doing things over and over and over which are innately and inanely stupid with we women explaining and telling them that something SHOULD die out.
But the testosterone and egos get in the way for some reason. Do guys REALLY think a cock shot is going to entice us? Rarely, if ever… And yet so often, that is all we receive. Dudes, we women are far more cerebral and I, for one, am more easily seduced intellectually than visually.
Two years ago I was having an amazing correspondence with a writer who wanted to “take it to the next level.” I thought he might actually want to finally meet in person for coffee or something but instead, I got a little self-made video of cum shot. You know what? There is nothing special about that; 99.99% of you guys do that. Big deal. I don’t need to see it until we are in an intimate relationship and yet there are so many who have these desires to exhibit these parts of themselves thinking it might get us excited. It doesn’t.
Well, anything will work on somebody. My dad tells a story of a friend of his back in college. Said friend would walk down a big street in town and say to every passing woman, “hey, wanna fuck?” He said 99 times out of 100 he would get turned down or worse, but that the 100th girl was worth it every time… So there you have it.
This thread reminds me that Chistmas is coming up. Gotta think of something to get my wife.
You know we been together, such a long, long time. (Such a long time).
And now I’m ready, to lay it on the li-ine.
Wow, you know it’s Christmas, and my heart is open wide
Gonna give you something, so you know what’s on my mind.
A gift real special, so take off the top.
Take a look inside, it’s my dick in a box. Yeah!
Really?
Damn, I feel unattractive now. :mad:
Hey baby, wanna watch me piss blood?
I’m at work but I save some of the interesting ones on my computer at home and they were nothing like that. Most of the messages I got were short and to the point. Like ‘Nice tits. Wanna f*ck?’ Or asking how thick I can take??
Most tend to be guys from Nigeria also, so maybe I’m just a magnet for that type?
No kidding. Mississippienne’s my new heroine… PLATONICALLY SPEAKING OF COURSE!
Well, it was just the lead-up to taking off his sunglasses and shouting:
Yeeeaaaaaahhhh!!!
This is a beautiful thing. You had me at “Spanx”
Meh. It’s always people I’ve at least looked at before, and their profiles even indicate they are desperate.
The way you act on here, I’m surprised you have trouble at all. (You act just like my friends in college who got all the babes. Get your mind out of the gutter.) I actually have read dating books that say one should act like you do, and tried to act like you. And it worked for a bit, but it wasn’t me.
I can only guess that you act differently around women you like.
MeanOldLady will be along shortly to express her dislike of me with a quip about my job status or something.
I’ve gotten women. But what I haven’t gotten is them throwing themselves at me with the kind of messages I’ve seen in this thread. I bow before your superiority.
Well don’t you look anywhere else tonight, if you want some love,
My heart is opened up like a book, if you want the truth,
I’m just an unattached single guy, just the kind you’ve been dreaming of,
I can see into your room at night, standing on my roof,
Oh I’m a ladies man, catch me if you can,
Well I hope you like your men to be, on the larger side,
Because I’m clinically, technically, said to be obese,
Oh I’d pick you up eight o’clock on the dot to take you for a ride,
But you’d have to shower, every hour, to wash away the grease,
Oh I’m a ladies man, catch me if you can,
I would like to be the man who fills your mind with nice pleasant thoughts
Oh my hair is like a goat’s, coarse as oats, up and down my back
And maybe you would be so kind as to treat my many, many warts,
My eyes are really weird, so’s my beard, my teeth are smeared, with plaque,
Oh I’m a ladies man, catch me if you can,
Oh my skin is plump and pink, I cannot hold my drink, and I wee in the sink,
You’ll find I never wash, I never brush, in between my toes,
Oh and I’d have to say that I have grave concerns for my mental health,
It’s just I seem to be more at ease when I wear girls’ clothes,
Oh I’m a ladies man, catch me if you can,
Well, I’m prone to have stress attacks, violent acts, if I don’t get my way,
And if I shook my head from side to side it would start, to snow,
I would never have any interest in anything you had to say,
I’m like a loaded gun, a walking bomb, the slightest knock I’ll blow!
Oh I’m a ladies man, catch me if you can.