** Mormons aren’t Mormons anymore
Dude goes skinny-dipping in a shark tank**
I was baptized into the Church of Jaws.
** Who is/was the best Ex-President?
Koko the Gorilla and Animal Rights.**
Koko was the first President to wear her hair funny and say “Oo, oo” at press conferences.
Poll: What will the first person on Mars say?
Need(easy) ideas for privacy fence in my backyard
Dang Martians, with their messy barbecues and noisy family reunions.
Paul Allen co-founder of Microsoft died at 65
Stuff you loved that was discontinued
Yeah, a real shame. By all accounts he was a great guy.
What will the first person on Mars say?
Is it wierd to build your own hand of bananas?
Cause I’ll have to now that no one is here to do it for me!
Making Thanksgiving dinner easier
New Orleans restaurants
**What TV series would you like to see come back?
The Romanoff’s
**
“Honeyyyyyy! Where did you put the eggs?” … “No, the Faberge ones.”
What will the first person on Mars say?
I file my nails after cutting my nails and there is some dust. Should I be worried?
Only if you do it before the bio-scan.
YouTube down?
Our Robot Overlords Have Mad Moves.
** Mormons aren’t Mormons anymore
Lights out, candles, hot chamomile tea, and Mazzy Star. **
Man, those ex-Mormons know how to party.
It has to be herbal tea, you know, 'cause of Word of Wisdom and caffeine and all that.
** Morality of executing someone who cannot remember his crime
Koko the Gorilla and Animal Rights. **
“Koko no remember taking bananas! Why you no look at bonobos?”
What Would You Do As A Tourist in New York?
“I Lost $35 Million in an Hour” - Louis C.K. Comeback
I wouldn’t recommend that unless you have $35 million.
What do you call quarterlight windows?
Pensions - maybe I’m just ignorant
I’m going with “ignorant”.
Life Insurance and Accidental Death
I’m in the hospital after car accident. Questions about G’s
First Dose of Heroin Free?
So I’m in the hospital after a car accident, under the influence of a free dose of heroin and worried about my life insurance. Not one of my better weeks.
** Question regarding Saudi kidnappings and assassinations
Do some candle widths just not work very well?**
Whacking your victims with candles isn’t an efficient means of murder, but it’s holistic. Alternatively you can drown them in chamomile tea.
Candlesticks, on the other hand…
Separated by one:
** So, did anyone else watch Trump on “60 Minutes” last night?
Creepy, creepier, creepiest
**
How much are you planning to spend on thanksgiving dinner this year
The Looming Dog Shortage
Well, I guess it’s cheaper than a turkey, and one way to cut costs.
Captain Bligh
Size of a dinosaur’s thigh
Worst. Schoolyard taunt. Ever.