**My niece and dating.
Are you allowed to take your baby to a bar? **
As a general principle, yes, you’re allowed to go stepping out to a bar with your baby. But if it’s your niece, then you probably shouldn’t be dating her at all. And if she’s a *literal *baby, it’s a definite hell no.
** Go to first new post Scottish Dopers - check in please?
OK, whadja give?**
Aye, some auld haggis cookies for the wee bairns, a ‘Braveheart’ DVD, and a brand new independence referendum! Don’t be thankin’ me now…
** GAHHH!! I love my wife with all my heart but…
Recommend a photo editing app, please!**
So, how was your 2014 and what are your hopes for 2015?
Robot Camel Jockeys
That’s what I’m hoping for. For next year’s Christmas. I didn’t get a single one this year, even though I put it right on the top of the list in my letter to Santa.
**How many people here miss being a Teenager?
How good a national leader would you be? **
Ah. to be a teenager again, and also the President… OK, first of all, school is closed, forever, for everyone. Then, party time! Bring me all the naked girls and pot that will fit in the White House. And pick a war with someone. Wars are massive fun. I don’t want all those fighter jets just sitting around doing nothing. Hey, and don’t we have nuclear warheads?
**So, ISIS now has MIGs
Dropping some neutronium **
That’ll learn’em! Unless they get the upgrade to the photon torpedoes…
** Where is the wierdest place you ever pee’d??
So, how was your 2014 and what are your hopes for 2015?**
It’ll be hard to top peeing on Mayor DeBlasio at his press conference. But after they let me out of the Tombs, I’ll be pissing up a storm in 2015.
Family events you feel obligated to attend
Christmas vs. Easter
I’d probably feel more pressure for Christmas, less for Easter.
** So, I just watched Ferris Bueller’s Day Off for the first time.
Things that you’ve read/seen that you wish you hadn’t?
**
**Voynich manuscript is-
Using Data To Make Phone Calls
**
** No, I don’t want to hold your goddamn baby!
Have you no sense of decency, Mr. Cheney?**
Really, you do not want Dick Cheney to keel over while holding your goddamn baby.
**Boeing 747s may be close to the end
At least it was just a small dog **
Airbus A380 is the big dog.
**Should the USA annex Alberta?
Indecorous Embiggenment **
Yeah, it would poke out like a sore thumb on the map.
** Best alternative to dish cloths?
What are Finns like?**
They squeak too much when used on glassware. Swedes are more stoic.
** Best alternative to dish cloths?
online dating sites
Men: your rectal exams: ever had a lady doctor do it?
When you see someone you already know on an online dating site**
Scrooge is booted off of an American Airlines flight
Coal in the Christmas stocking
I guess the ghosts didn’t visit him again this year. 
** Looking for input on when to euthanize a cat
online dating sites **
“Hi, I’m looking for a slim, attractive woman who’ll help me euthanize a cat. Hello?”
** If you like your health insurance, you can … um …
Craft the perfect American Presidential Candidate.
**
Gas pumps slowing down when you get close to the purchase price…
Drunk birds slur their songs
People disobeying orders
Not to mention Fire and brimstone coming down from the skies! Rivers and seas boiling! Forty years of darkness! Earthquakes, volcanoes… The dead rising from the grave! Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together… mass hysteria!
Corporal Punishment on an 18 year old student
At least it was just a small dog
Next time, it’ll be the cat o’ nine tails.