14 year old daughter’s first date - what to say to the boy?
Recommend a self-propelled lawnmower.
From there you can move on to toaster ovens and socket wrench sets - really put the boy at ease.
**Old person smell - its real
Wash your hands ! **
Your best advice: should I retire this year or next year?
Alzheimer’s Disease- How to deal with the questions
Uhm, I don’t know how to tell you this, but you retired five years ago. 
** Which celebrity do you think you would have a chance with?
Who’s left from early TV?**
Your chances are pretty good with most of 'em, they’re moving kinda slow these days.
** What’s so great about American citizenship?
Toenail fungus (eww!)**
Hey, illegal aliens have to make do with dandruff.
** Healthcare in the USA sucks if you’re poor
Doctors implant lab-grown vagina**
Yes, but it didn’t come with the deluxe options.
What good is the Bible?
Cashiers unwilling to say $6.66
Yeah, that about sums it up…
**Self-reported doper behavior that would baffle you to encounter in the wild **
**Monumentally stupid things you did in your youth (AKA I’m Lucky To Be Alive) **
Actually, I’m surprised that these two haven’t come together before.
Is “Prepping” for Doomsday Worth It?
"I’m worth more dead than alive."
That’s a “no”, then?
Celebrity Apprentice Season 14
Which celebrity do you think you would have a chance with?
I don’t know, but I’m not really interested in any of them.
Recommend a self-propelled lawnmower.
What was the most painfull thing you ever did?
There was this lawnmower one time, I wouldn’t recommend it to anyone…
**How does THAT even happen?!
Gay sports bar names **
Yes, gays can be into sports.
What is the most complex consumer product?
Duct tape–safe to use as electrical tape?
I wouldn’t know. I stopped using duct tape because I couldn’t get through the owner’s manual.
Possible food substitute
More Blatant Oppression of Christians
Soilent Green is papal! :eek:
**Why did Christianity become so popular?
Jokes in the Bible **
The Sermon on the Mount has some real thigh-slappers.
Per “Space Reporter” Saturn will be directly between Earth and the Sun this weekend
Coworker is planning on quitting
You know, it’s not really that rare of an event that you should change life plans because of it.
Was there anything else on US TV on 9/11/01?
Flooring Nightmare
It was a very short lived reality show. It got horrible ratings due to premiering on 9/11.
**Things you kinda want to know that you don’t really want to know
Help me get over a video
China trains monkeys to protect its air force bases
Local(-ish) gun store shut down**
** tv options
Can you have sex on a tempur-pedic bed?**
Yes, and it’s really hot when you do it to Johnny Carson re-runs.
**So it turns out, some consumers really are cursed
Six-month package delivery **
In fairness, though, it was my own fault for choosing Amazon’s “free shipping, with curse” option.