** Rekindling a dead star
Spam cans**
Drain the grease out of 10 cans of Spam, light the fuse, and stand back.
** Need a name for my octopus!
What was your telephone exchange name?
**
“Butterfield” would be a terrible name for an octopus.
**Ax the person who’s never going to ride in a car again
Comic Con “zombies” attack deaf family’s car
**
Huh. Usually zombies don’t use tools.
**A word of warning about flip flops
Does “hung” refer to a penis that is large while flaccid?
**
**What’s your favorite all-purpose side dish?
Endless stew **
Not actually my personal favorite, you understand.
** Signs of mental deterioration due to age?
soap vs emollient**
Soap vs emollient…lessee, emollient, what a funny word, reminds me of the black mollies I had in 5th grade, until the ick got them…if we felt icky we used soap, 'cause where there’s soap there are suds, or is it the other way around…Dove was one-quarter cleansing cream you know…I miss the old TV commercials. So, what was your question?
Social security question
What’s the point of this scam?
**Poll: There’s a spider on your bed, but no tissue. You have a $5 bill, though.
I can’t sleep, and it’s getting serious
**
So swat the spider with the Fin. A good night’s sleep is worth $5. And you can always clean the bill afterwards, anyway.
When surrogacy goes bad…
ell Me About Your C-Sections WITH Adequate Anesthesia
Stop your whining! I can’t feel a thing!
**Ax the person who’s never going to ride in a car again
Average car on the road in US is 10 years old!
**
What do you WANT to cook? What WILL you cook?
Guardians of the Galaxy [Spoilers, I imagine]
They’re quite tasty. Just marinate them first and refrigerate afterwards so they don’t spoil.
** What’s for dinner tonight?
Poor Shemp Howard.**
:eek:
'Tis a pity that I have no gravy to put upon poor Shemp Howard.
**Poll: How long would you survive?
Poll: There’s a spider on your bed, but no tissue. You have a $5 bill, though.
**
I’d survive until at least $4.75
** Curious [do guys really like bigger breasts?]
Who is your favorite Popular Historian? And who do you dislike?**
I really liked Barbara Tuchman. She had enormous, um, writing abilities.
Forgot meds
Here is a pic of me.
So I guess we went and had a baby?
How did that happen? Wow, I do the craziest things when I’m off my meds.
You vs a medieval peasant
Who would you vote for in this scenario?
Me, obviously. Doh.
Alex Trebek…
What’s your favorite all-purpose side dish?
No no. You’re supposed to say something like, “french fries,” and let HIM respond with, “What’s your favorite all-purpose side dish?”
What’s for dinner tonight?
'Twas the Night Before Lasagna…
We’re having pasta anyway. Deal with it.
Have you ever voted for someone whose political views were the direct opposite of yours?
John Boehner, the most incompetant Speaker
Although in my defense, I was drunk at the time.