**Words or phrases once misheard that can’t be unheard
Fuck! Thirty. **
What I said was “Five thirty.”
** Poll: Do you “prepare” for sex
Poll: Have you ever asked your doctor about a drug you first saw on a TV commercial?**
What drug might this be? Gimme a hint.
** Things that you’re surprised don’t happen more often
Ex pastor arrested for writing child porn**
Sigh. I remember when this would have been shocking. 
**Things they don’t tell you about getting old:
High Pitched Whine from CRT TVs, can anyone else hear it? **
WHAT?
** ISIS and the path to statehood
Whither Scotland?**
Now there’s an idea. Start beheading the “No” voters and proclaim a Tartaniphate. David Cameron won’t dare to bother you.
**Things your parents told you that stuck with you
Great, I’m That Parent with That Kid **
Friend just told me world leaders are reptilians
What a boob
Where do people get the idea that the earth is less than 10,000 years old?
World War III
After the dust settled, and the smoke cleared, all of the world’s text books and scientific publications were gone. All hard and flash drives erased. This left the fundamentalist ministers free to spread their beliefs, with no way to refute them.
**Things that you’re surprised don’t happen more often
Co-workers yapping on personal calls on their cell phones at work **
It happens way too much at my job.
Lets say Obama wants a small funeral
What does Canada, Australia, etc. gain by keeping Queen Elizabeth as head of state?
That’s what I keep telling them. The Queen’s funeral is going to cost bajillions, and if they all have to chip in, they’d be much better off by getting out now and joining the American Empire instead.
Which “waiting for your execution scenario” do you prefer?
Vacay in Branson! Suggestions? Tips?
A couple days of that, and I’ll be more than ready for the needle.
Tell me about having bunnies as pets
Fuck! Thirty.
I swear that there were just two of them a week ago. Why didn’t anyone tell me about this?
Flipping the order,
How has success affected your relationships?
List the time length of all your failed relationships/marriages (in months).
Let’s see, my first girlfriend left me two months after my first raise. My second one left me eight months after my first promotion…
Redistributing passengers from delayed flights
Are there lots of mimes in France?
This will not go well.
** What to do with two avocados?
Tell me about Tom Waits**
He goes better with fava beans and a nice Chianti.
Cat Name Generator.
Fuck! Thirty.
That would be an awesome name for a cat.
My mom is so fucking dumb
Great, I’m That Parent with That Kid
OK you two, y’all need to take this to e-mail.
What are the real long-term costs to a perpetual conflict in the Middle East?
World War III
Things you wish you had never sold (or gotten rid of)…
Was Civil War Union General McClellan totally useless?
“You sold General McClellan? Now what will we use to prop the door open?”
**Chelsea Clinton has baby
Going on a 7 day fast **
Good thing. The kid wouldn’t be making so much noise if it got rid of all those toxins.