My boyfriend and I have pretty well-matched sex drives, but of course we don’t match up exactly. If he initiates sex and I’m not in the mood, one of three things will happen:
If I’m feeling fine otherwise, I’ll go along with it, because I know that I’ll get turned on after a few minutes of fooling around.
If I’m too tired for intercourse but otherwise feeling okay, I’ll usually offer him a blowjob. Sometimes he accepts, sometimes he wants intercourse or nothing, sometimes the fact that I’m not into it turns him off.
If I’m feeling crappy or completely exhausted, I’ll turn him down.
People aren’t always 100% in sync. There is a difference between “Sure, but don’t expect miracles, I gotta get up in the morning” and “What, again?”
Sometimes she’ll make me a sandwich even if she isn’t hungry.
“Doing your duty” sounds so grudging, though. And it would be disrespectful, not to say jerky, to insist when she really doesn’t feel up to it. It’s not like I’m going to die if I have to wait until tomorrow. And, not to put too fine a point on it, not every form of intimate activity requires both parties to engage at the same level.
I agree, but the other half of that is being made to feel guilty when you say not tonight by the party who wants the accommodating. I got tired of feeling guilty constantly and angry at having various “statistics” shown to me re how often American couples have sex/should have sex etc.
I have no problem with the “we’re a tad out of synch but it’s all good in the end” type of compromising.