Sex Manual

I was sitting through a back-to-school night presentation on “Some Tips For Reading Aloud With Your Child”, and to keep my mind awake, I noticed that if you changed the words:

reading aloud -> screwing
child -> partner
book -> position
word -> body part

it becomes a sex manual! I present for your edification…


  1. Try to set a regular time for screwing. This might be before school or before bedtime.

  2. Select positions that are appropriate for the age and interest of your partner. Start with picture positions and build to story positions and novels.

  3. Involve your partner in the screwing by asking him or her to predict what will happen next, chime in on repetitive phrases, say a body part he or she knows, or link the picture to the position.

  4. Engage in discussions about the positions and talk about the meaning of some body parts your partner is interested in.

  5. From time to time, choose positions to screw with your partner that he or she cannot screw.

  6. Use lots of expression when you screw. Be dramatic when you screw and make the position come to life.

  7. Change the pace of your screwing to match the position. If there is suspense in the position, slow down the screwing to build the suspense. If there is a lot of action in a part of the screwing, increase the pace for effect.

  8. Don’t screw too fast.

  9. Let your partner see you screwing for pleasure at times other than when screwing together. Share what you are screwing with your partner.

Cecil said it. I believe it. That settles it.

Relax, I’m not as Dave as I look!- A Wallified sig!

Woo hoo!

You truely are a prince among men.

You really need to take up another hobby besides reading. I could give you some writing lessons.

** Sigh. So many men, so few who can afford me ** Original by Wally

I’ve learned that if someone says something unkind about me, I must live so that no one will believe it.

Occupation: Temptress
Location: Ultra, California
Interests: surpluses, excesses, abundances, extras, lagniappes
profile by UncleBeer

Hell, I’m sharin’ this one with Mrs. O - I think we’ve pretty much got everything down except number 9, and… um… what, you think I’m gonna put all our business out in the street?! :wink:

All I wanna do is to thank you, even though I don’t know who you are…

Sorry, I thought this thread was about something else. :o
mangeorge (Opportunistically dyslexic.)

Teach your kids to bungee jump.
One them might have to cross a bridge someday.