Maybe not the act itself, but what it represents is. It’s easy to talk to people, go out once in a blue moon, come over for dinner or a few beers, etc. You can easily phone in a friendship like that. But achieving intimacy involves at the very least a significantly higher level of trust between individuals. Knowing someone has that level of comfort and trust in you that they’re OK being vulnerable in your presence is hugely validating socially.
I don’t think we’re disagreeing entirely. The FWB is being proffered because the men are not as emotionally invested/interested in a relationship with her as the woman desires. If they were “googley eyes” at the prospect of a sexual relationship the FWB offer would not be necessary. Where we disagree is in the end game goal of making this offer. There may be some women who view it mainly as access to no strings sex but I believe they are in the minority.
And frankly it’s not an altogether illogical gamble by a woman. Men are creatures of habit and offering FWB will keep a man around and possibly an emotional relationship will develop, and you will look like the best idea around at some point. It works.
I’m pretty sure that describes the great majority of men.
Not directly; but plenty have died indirectly. Suicides due to loneliness & despair, or self-destructive behavior trying to secure sex.
I think you’re underestimating the amount of men out there who are saying: “Yeah babe, it’s cool. FWB, no strings attached”. And then shortly afterwards, get all possessive and jealous when their casual partner, goes on dates or attends social events that don’t include him.
Hell, you can even take the FWB component out of it. Just ask any woman how many times she’s had to deal with clingy or possessive men after just a couple of dates.
I kind of doubt “clingy and possessive” guys are being offered FWB scenarios to begin with unless the women is a very poor decision maker. Women usually HATE that kind of childish crap especially early on, and beyond that why even put it on the table if he’s all about you? It’s unnecessary. An FWB is a powerful card that can put a person’s emotional dignity at risk. A woman will not normally play that card unless the guy has something she really wants. Security/money or simply physical emotional attraction or a combo are the usual suspects.
The thing is, the possessive and jealousy thing doesn’t become apparent until after the fact. That control thing you’re talking about happens from both sides of the fence. And I would venture a guess, in equal measures.
Are you a woman Sue? I know Johnny Cash said that boys can be named Sue, so I’m not sure.
I’m a guy who had a FWB. I was never good with women (still am not), but when I had a FWB I wasn’t too impressed. I guess in part because we weren’t friends. Really, there was no emotional connection between us, she just had a thing for me. A friend is someone who calls to check up on you when you are having a bad time because they care about your well being. She never had that kind of personality.
The end result is that after she’d leave I would feel empty and drained. I guess if she actually was a friend and not just a self centered acquaintance, maybe I would’ve enjoyed it more. That experience left me feeling jaded about the idea of FWBs, but maybe I just got a bad one. If I had one who was a more compassionate, selfless person I may have enjoyed it more, who knows. I’m the kind of person that can’t have sex w/o an emotional connection of ‘some’ kind. Because of that I’ve turned down sex from women who I didn’t have a connection with. I have a fleshlight and at least that doesn’t leave me feeling emotionally drained when I’m done.
What do women get out of it? They get sexual release w/o the responsibility of a relationship. Also if you have a FWB, you learn what the other person likes and it helps you make the sex more pleasurable. You are not going to find a good partner in a one night stand.
The concept of a soul mate is not a realistic one. There are too many dysfunctional people on earth for everyone to have a soul mate.
I think most FWB relationships only last a few weeks or months, by that time one of the parties will develop feelings and want something more. I know for me, after the first few weeks I ended up enjoying having a partner to go to dinner with more than the sex. Maybe some people can handle FWB relationships for years on end. But my impression is that they are short term things, people’s feelings and wanting for something more gets in the way.
Why would she assume married men aren’t going to get emotionally invested? There are a lot of married men (and women) who are starved for affection, validation, acceptance, warmth, etc because they are married to someone who doesn’t respect or value them, and they are desperate to feel that way again. Lots of them will become very emotionally invested in someone who can offer them things their partner is not giving them at home.
Also who exclusively pursues married people for relationships?
Actually it doesn’t. In the normal mix of the guys I hang with (normally business professionals and tradespeople at least 70% have at least one of those attributes they can play. They don’t because most of them are married or have SO’s and relationships they do not want to endanger. One night stand, no strings sex with super hot women may be out of reach, but normal date a few times with a nice girl sexual relationships are readily available.
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Yup. Sex is easy to get as a man if you are tall, handsome, athletic, educated, have a good job, a good income and a great personality.
What % of men have all 7 of those things at the same time? It is a fraction of 1%.
Lots of women today have height requirements, but only 20% of men are 6’ or taller. So just on the height thing alone, 80% of men are off the table. Start multiplying the numbers together.
20% of men are tall; 20% are handsome; 10% are athletic; 20% have a good job and a good income; 30% have a great personality. 5x5x10x5x3. It works out to 1 in 3750 men. Good luck with that unless you are the most desirable woman in a group of 3750 finding a guy like that.
Short, balding, pudgy, shy guy here…
…Sucks that I have standards too. So yeah, I don’t get laid all too often. What can ya do? Life just isn’t fair. 
And from a female’s perspective = Why bother to keep the pig, when you can get sausage anywhere. :rolleyes:
You know, I always question the ubiquitousness of the term “mansplaining” being thrown around as much as it is, until I come on here and then see a bunch of guys explaining women’s reasoning why they choose to have FWB. Geesh.
The guy that gets the most play BY FAR in our office is a single, 5’6" 27 year old who is an avid outdoorsman, trim physique with moderately attractive features (ie women think he’s cute). He is covered up with interest when he goes out. He is outgoing and engaging.
Height can make a difference in some scenarios but it’s not any kind of a guarantee. Personality and fitness are far more important.
RE
I’m pretty sure I set it out as “or” not and". Lot’s of guys have at least one of those attributes.
You can’t talk about Women as a group. They do not have a hive mind. Women are individuals. They each have individual reasons for dating who they choose to date.
You also can’t assume that all the women you see on Tinder are all the women that are looking for FWB. Lots of women don’t use online dating apps. Lots of women aren’t even looking for FWB.
You can’t generalize between the response to women on dating apps with the response to women in the real world.
If you think fat, ugly, drug addicted men can’t find women, you should start reading the newspaper.
Spot on!
Of course, women explaining men’s thinking and motivation occurs just as often, IMHO. It’s silly either way.
You can generalize to a degree though. For example I hear women say ‘all men care about is sex’. I disagree with that statement which implies that all men care only about sex, however enough men care about sex enough that I can see why women would say something like that.
At the same time, there are general things women like because of evolution. Women prefer men who are tall, protective, loyal, have resources (power and money), blah blah blah.
men generally prefer women who are fertile (aka young and attractive), who do not already have kids, etc.
You can’t say all men want X or all women want Y. But people are not all alien to each other, we are all the same species and we all share the same evolutionary history. As a result there is a lot of similarity between what we want.
For every woman who wants a man who is tall, handsome, athletic, wealthy, famous, respected, emotionally stable and good with kids you cannot find another woman who wants a man who is short, ugly, fat, broke, ridiculed, emotionally unstable and hates kids. Women, just like men, to a large degree want the same thing within their gender when searching for a romantic and sexual partner. Women are more likely to find Chris Hemsworth sexually appealing than an unemployed convicted sex offender who weighs 500 lbs and lives with his parents.
Pond scum, that’s what.
The women I’ve known who did that were using wealthy men for their money, and of course the sex. :rolleyes:
The women they find are also fat, ugly, and drug addicted (most of the time). Unfortunately, they also have a slight tendency to reproduce. 
The important of FWB is to slightly downgrade to avoid any issues.
For example, if you prefer dating a woman who is a 8 , then your FWB must be a 7 or a 6 at the least. That way you don’t have to worry about getting attached to the person.