Yeah, I think that a lot of people kind of think of sex as something they are in the mood for or not in the mood for rather than something they can get in the mood for with more or less effort.
I’m not in any way trying to state universal facts, just that for women there may be a really long “warm up to sex” period that many or most men don’t deal with.
Men are like light switches, women are like thermostats.
I think if more men got this, more women would have amazing orgasms.
Preach.
Though this brings up something else I’ve considered- of my friends that are in these sexless marriages, perhaps their partner is just a shitty lay. Maybe that’s part of it. Who knows. Presumably, though, that person was a shitty lay before their wedding day, too-- so that doesn’t really make sense either.
I think that some people just get lazy. Having lots of sex during the “sweaty palms phase” of a relationship is easy. When that’s over, it takes some effort.
Wow, sleeping together with no protection. That is just…bananas! Unless the men have had vasectomies?
My dad knocked my mom up the first week after she was off of the pill (they lived in different cities the first 6 months of their marriage, so she can place the date exactly). She let this slip once (while drinking ;)), but I’ve taken it to heart. I want to start a public announcement - ladies, ask your mother how easy it was for her to get pregnant!
Hey, maybe he’s messing around cause she…didn’t have sex with him for six weeks? I mean, c’mon, I don’t condone cheating but that’s part of the problem. And what does it say about her by staying?
But yeah, at first said friend was grumpy about the sex, but then she wanted him to get help…and he didn’t want help. Well, uh, then she better peace out. No reason to be unhappy if he’s not making progress.
If more women got this, more women would have amazing orgasms.
Nope, they don’t- kids eventually come down the hatch, just not with the frequency I would imagine. Knowing my luck, I’d go off the pill and be like your mom. NOT COOL. 
You make a damned good point, too.
So Diosa, if you’re not a puppy-kicking Nazi, which type of Nazi are you? 
Sometimes women are like a wood burning stove when you live in the forest and have no firewood. It’s just too much work to constantly have to take your axe into the forest, chop down a tree, cut the logs up, light the kindling, add the logs, and wait for the house to warm up all the while the wood stove is just sitting there not helping.
The problem with many low-drive spouses is that they often take little to no interest in solving the problem. They are never in the mood and it’s 100% up to the other spouse to get them in the mood.
I can’t say I necessarily blame the low-drive spouse. If they don’t desire it, where is their motivation to improve? I think about what if my wife wanted me to be into wallpaper shopping. Maybe she loves it and wants me to love it. Could I ever truly love it? I doubt it. I would tag along with her, but I would never be excited about it or instigate wallpaper shopping on my own.
A lot depends on the attitude of the low-drive spouse. You may never get them to be nymphos, but they should be willing to contribute in some way since it makes the other person happy.
That’s all I could come up with.
I’ve been in LTRs with men who just did not give a damn where I was on the thermostat. Light switch on, light switch off, go make me a sammich. After a while, I did not care if I had sex with him or not. Why bother? It’s just three minutes of getting sticky, nothin’ in it for me. Beige. We could paint the ceiling beige.
But I also hate to dump that at the doorstep of men, painting with such a broad brush. True, in my experience, maybe 6 or 7 out of 10 men are a terrible lay who do not really grasp the concept of foreplay. But it could just be that these women are matched up with people who have wildly different sex drives. I consider myself high-drive, so when my friend and I were at the 3 x a day stage, I was hoping that when things slowed down, it wouldn’t drop to less than every other day. It’s down to once a week. 
I am going to campaign for more sex, give more lap dances… that sort of thing.
The core issue, it seems, is one of communication. I think people don’t really like to talk about their needs for fear of alienating their partner and when there’s a disparity, we really, really need to.
The anal kind?
The Nazis were pretty anal.
This is so crazy to me for a few reasons. One, if I was with a light switch on and off guy who showed no interest in getting me off, well, there wouldn’t be an opportunity for more than one or two repeat performances. I’ll give you a few tries to not be a shitty lay, but I’ve got better things to do with my vagina. 
Secondly, my mind is blown that you say 60-70% of men are shitty lays. That’s crazy! I will admit that if you don’t speak up, that’s probably an accurate number for men that would just out in out skip foreplay all together, but I’d say maybe 1/ 15 or 20 men wont eagerly take instructions on what to do to please you. In fact, it’s my experience that most guys think it’s pretty darn hot when you start showing and telling what you like.
Sort of like you, in my relationships when things do slow a bit from our usual several times a day, I think up fun and exciting things to bring it back. You’re right, it’s a two way street, but if my . . . advances weren’t warmly accepted, well, then we’ve got a problem.
I so want to comment more on this, but this is the Internet. Let’s just say I’ve stayed. How much longer will it continue? I don’t know. The situation is at a complete impasse, partially due to her medical condition, but it pre-dates the onset of that. In the past decade I’ve probably had sex 5 times, last at least 3 years ago. That includes ANY kind of physical intimacy, even kissing. I’m miserable because of it, but how do I address it without her feeling blamed because she has this medical condition?
Sigh.
Her medical condition is one that makes it so she can’t kiss or cuddle with her husband? I’m not being snarky, it’s entirely possible it does, I’m just checking.
In 14 years of marriage, our libidos have RARELY matched up. Things got a LOT better when we realized that and made sure that the horny party took care of some of it themselves and the less horny party put out part of the time they didn’t want to.
Lately we’ve both been wanting it less so we’ve been doing it less, it’s a bummer, but it’s certainly not the end of the world like it’d been earlier in our relationship.
My ex and I were down to a couple of times a month at best, but by that time I already knew that we were doomed for all the other issues (read: she was batshit insane). Had it gone on longer, I would have tried to fix it, then chosen to leave. If for some reason I couldn’t leave, well, there’s the rub.
Before that period I had NEVER condoned cheating. After that period, I could kinda excuse it for that reason. If I hadn’t been able to leave for whatever reason and we’d stopped having sex, I would have considered this defacto permission for me to look elsewhere. “Compromise” isn’t (and this is an area my ex had issues with) one side giving up all they want because the other person refuses to cooperate or be involved.
Maybe it’s something of a strawman, but I can’t wrap my head around the husband or wife that physically shuts out their spouse for six month or years and is totally blindsided in discovering that their spouses eventually cheated on them.
I’ll admit that I can’t wrap my head around the husband or wife that cheats rather than ending the relationship.
But weren’t they having crazy amounts of sex when they were dating and engaged? Didn’t she, at one point in time, LOVE shopping for wallpaper? Or are men marrying women in the hopes they eventually like shopping for wallpaper more often?
As far as the warming up thing goes, haven’t we all been there? It’s up to women to know what will make them interested. I, for one send all of my day’s stress to my lower back. I would rather be drawn an quartered than choosing wallpaper at the moment. But 3 minutes of lower back rubbing courtesy of my other half and suddenly, all is right in the world. Are people not taking care to prime the pump?
Concur.
My last relationship was sexless for the last 18 months. He kept swearing up and down that it was just a phase and that he’d snap out of it.
Well, he snapped out of it when I found out he had set-up and was philandering with a Panamanian prostitute. :mad::mad::mad:
