Whenever somebody tells me they’re anxious or nervous about meeting a significant other’s parents for the first time I always suggest they tell this joke to immediately warm them up, let them know you enjoy being with their son or daughter, and have a great sense of humor:
You know what’s even better than fucking twenty-five-year-olds?
Fucking Twenty-one five-year-olds.
Obviously for the parents to appreciate your great sense of humor the joke needs to be tailored to your significant other’s age. Sadly nobody has ever taken my advice and broken the ice with that joke
This one’s tasteless/offensive in the sense that I’d only tell it to a Christian with a good sense of humor:
St Peter decides to take the day off to go fishing, so Jesus offers to keep an eye on the Pearly Gates. He is not sure what to do, so Peter tells him to find out a bit about people as they arrive in Heaven, and this will help him decide if he can let them in.
After a while, Jesus sees a little old man with white hair approaching who looks oddly familiar. He asks the old man to tell him about himself. The old man says, “I had a very sad life. I was a carpenter and had a son who I lost at a relatively young age, and although he was not my natural child, I loved him dearly.”
Jesus wells up with emotion. He whispers, “Daddy?”
A black guy and a gay guy are sitting at a bar getting drunk and shooting the shit when the gay says to the black guy, “Hey, how about I take you out in the alley and give you a blow job?” So the black guy follows the gay guy outside and proceeds to beat the living shit out of him. He returns to the bar and sits down when the bartender asks him, "Why the hell did you beat that guy up? " To which the black guy responds,
Those aren’t offensive, just really, really gross. Where’s the puking smiley when you need it?
Why were Helen Keller’s legs yellow?
Because her dog was blind too
Neo-Nazi: So, my plan is to be the next Hitler. My plan is to kill all the Jews and one clown.
Other guy: Why the clown?
Neo-Nazi: See? Nobody cares about the Jews!
