Jay Leno: “Hey Brady! What kinda suit you wanna be buried in! Hahahahahaha!”
Peter: Before you go, what’s heaven like?
Nate Griffin: It’s fine. There’s a shortage of chairs.
Peter: Oh.
Nate Griffin: Yeah.
Me: 
Quagmire: “Dear diary - jackpot!”
Ron MacFalane: “Oh it’s broken.”
Peter at a job interview: “Doing your…son?”
Brian: “COME ON!!!”
Stewie: “There’s a tube in the throat of the elderly man in the hospital bed on the frog in the log in the hole of the bottom of the sea.”
later on
Stewie: “Get a nurse.”
Stewie: “I don’t like change!”
Peter Griffin: And then a tyrannosaurus rex came along! Dun duhhh dun duhhhhh! Duh duh duh duh duh duh duhhhhh!
Peter and his laugh is the best thing though…
At my last job we had a bird (Mccaw? Parrot? Something big and grey) that belonged to the owner’s dying mother. One of the guys trained it so that every time someone bent over it made a farting noise.
Since I hated the owner it was hilarious.
-Joe