Okatym - Good God take a breath, you’re turning blue.
I don’t think anyone is telling Kel to let this guy shirk his child support duties. They are telling her that she should not depend on a monthly payment as part of her budget. She said herself that he has not been sending a regular check. As hard as it may be, she needs to be capable to support her kids without his help.
I am a single mother of 3 kids. The dad of my youngest child has never missed a payment since the day he was born 8 ½ years ago. I do budget that money, but I have a back-up (savings) just in case he decides to miss a payment. So far, so good.
My ex-husband (the father of my two oldest kids) was undependable. He would go two or three months without sending a payment. I would budget it into my checkbook to be used for bills because he would swear that he mailed it. It would never show up and I would have to scramble for money to pay the light or gas bill. He would give me excuse after excuse. The envelope fell behind the fridge. The post office returned it because he forgot a stamp. Etc. Etc. Just bullshit like that.
I finally contacted the Office of Recovery Services to collect for me, but they took months to process. If the guy changes jobs, or worse, moves out of state, then the money stops for an extended period of time. ORS’s hands are basically tied when it comes to collect money paid under the table.
My ex has been at the same company for 18 years with no plans of leaving. Recovery Services garnish his check each month. However, I still don’t depend on that money to survive because things could change at any time.
I learned early on that there is only one person that I can depend on to support my kids - Me.
In a perfect world, fathers would pay support on time, every time. Custodial parents could count on support money as part of their monthly budget. It is not a perfect world and even with support like ORS or court orders, nothing guarantees that you will receive child support on a regular basis. It takes time to go through the processes and things can change quickly (i.e. quit or change jobs). We can kick and scream and voice our disgust of these deadbeat dads (Hell - I’ll jump on my soapbox and lead the rant), but the cold hard fact it that as unfair as it is that these assholes worm out of support, the kids still need to be supported and it is up to us to pick up the slack.
You should go after this jerk, Kel, but you also need to get yourself into a position that doesn’t depend on him. You can take this for what it is worth, but in my own situation, I took some classes and started putting in for higher paying jobs, I also made some adjustments in my budget, refinanced my house, cut back on electricity, etc. It was extremely difficult, but I did it. Now I can support my kids easily on my income with more than enough left over for playing. The child support payments I receive go into a savings account that will be used for my kids education.
Coffee, chocolate, men . . . Some things are just better rich.