Shocks for Cocks, or Ask the guy who gets paid to have sex, ctd.

In My Humble Opinion
1

Okay, I started a thread last year called “Ask the guy who gets paid to have sex,” which can be found here: Ask the guy who gets paid to have sex - In My Humble Opinion - Straight Dope Message Board. It’s about my experiences as a test subject in medical experiments related to the treatment of erectile dysfunction.

I’m in a new study now, and since it’s somewhat different (somewhat–ha!) from the others I thought I’d start a new thread rather than revive the old one.

This study doesn’t involve any drugs–no Viagra, Levitra, Cialis, or medications thus far approved for use only in Russia and South Korea. No, this study involves electric shocks.

(Yes, that was my reaction too–are you freaking KIDDING ME? You’re going to do WHAT??)

As I understand it the theory is twofold. First, low-level electric shocks can help clear out small calcifications in blood vessels, should that happen to be the issue. Second, there’s some evidence that low-level electric shocks can actually build new blood vessels, which I find completely astonishing but it’s what they tell me. The thinking is that the combination of the two could possibly cure the dysfunction, which obviously would be a better outcome than taking a pill a half hour before I wanted to have sex for the rest of time.

I’ve completed the first two months’ worth of the study, which essentially consists of finding baselines (and filling out the usual diaries and questionnaires about my sex life), and today I go in for my first “study treatment.” A PA will use a sonogram-like device attached to a large machine, which I am told makes loud noises when it’s on, and use this tool to apply (hopefully) the correct level of electricity to five places on my own…tool. The treatment lasts ~15 minutes. I do it 6 times over the next 3 weeks, then take some time off, then 6 more sessions, and then they follow up with the diaries etc. to see if it makes a difference. There’s also the possibility that I am not getting the actual shock treatment, just a placebo, though how precisely a placebo pretends to deliver electric shocks is beyond my understanding.

Anyhow, I am again happy to share my experiences in this new shocks-for-cocks study with anyone who is curious. If you have questions, ask away; I’ll try to report back in a more or less timely manner (though if they get the electric settings wrong and fry my dick, all bets are off).

2

This study isn’t in the basement of some creepy guy’s house, is it?

3

If they ask you to rub your foot on the carpet during the treatment, you’re getting the placebo. :slight_smile:

4

Do you get to do it with a control wife as well as an experiment wife?

5

It’s alive… alive!

6

How much does one get paid for submitting to genital torture? :eek: But seriously, are you motivated to take part in this primarily due to the compensation, or are you mainly motivated by finding a cure, and think that maybe the shocks will help?

7

Tester: How often do you have sex
Ulf The Unwashed: 3 times a week?
Tester (with evil smile): Ooooh, I’m sorry; that answer is. . .incorrect.
UTU: AIEEEEEE!!!

8

AC/DC?

9

Of course not, silly.

It’s in his shed.

This time they don’t actually seem to care who I do it with–my wife didn’t even have to sign a statement saying she was aware I was taking part in this. The possibilities are limitless! But I’ll be sticking close to home.

Doktor Frankenstein! Doktor Frankenstein!

I thought of that! But there’s no carpet in the exam room.

10

Just saw this one. If I complete the full study, I will get $1000.

The money certainly doesn’t hurt! The bigger issue, though, he says selflessly, is Advancing the Cause of Science so it can someday Wipe the Scourge of Erectile Dysfunction off the Face of the Earth. Oh, that and curing my own erection problems, he says not quite so selflessly.

Seriously, I do like the feeling of taking part in a study that might have ramifications that go well beyond myself. But the studies, under the best of circumstances, are a bit invasive, and I honestly am not sure I’d do them if there wasn’t some compensation involved.

11

If you really are “unwashed,” you might be skewing the data.

(Yes, I said skewing.)

12

Bad username/subject combo.

13

Bad?! It’s spectacular!

14

Ok do you know the voltage and current levels applied? The time duration? Is the power applied in a certain pattern? How many electrodes are attached? Do they scan the size of your tool and adjust the power levels to compensate to a certain normalized level? Is there any associated finite element analysis performed based on a scan?

15

It sounds a lot like this study.

16

I’d be more worried about them reversing the polarity

Si

17

Post back when you find out whether it hurts or not. Good fuck and cock speed! /salute

18

while reading the OP I thought immediately of this old classic from the Cult of the Dead Cow:

[QUOTE=CotDC]
This textfile describes self-stimulation for men by means of
electrodes and low-power, carefully controlled electric current. When you
talk about running electricity through someone’s genitals, most people think
of torture. However, we have found that low power, high frequency (audio)
current can produce some very interesting tingling and throbbing sensations.
[/QUOTE]

19

There’s a tweeter on my peter, now get off
There’s a tweeter on my peter, now get off
There’s a tweeter on my peter and the bass is even sweeter
There’s a tweeter on my peter, now get off.

20

Shouldn’t this thread be in the “Erections” forum? I’ll report it for you.