Should a 27 year old virgin lose his virginity to an escort?

[IMfez]

I used to be hung up with having sex with a prostitute (not to lose virginity but to cover a dry spell). Now after having done it, I don’t think it’s a big deal or a heavy decision. At the gut level it doesn’t feel like I’m doing anything wrong.

This was surprising to me because before I did it the first time, I thought I would feel guilty afterwards. Instead quite the opposite effect happened and I felt a sense of relief/sexual contentment and indifference.

With this new perspective I now feel a bit of disbelief at how much emotion, judgment, and regulation is placed around something so trivial. My opinion only, I’m sure many will disagree.

[Thudlow_Boink]

@polar_bear

I’ve had numerous conversations (IRL and online) with professionals in this field and am quite informed. Thanks.

For those who don’t know, polar bear is the guy behind the thread Ask the Icebear (aka guy who visits brothels).

[DataX]

@puzzlegal

I think it’s not legally prostitution since there is no requirement the woman have sex on any particular schedule, and he is expected to pay her anyway. But yeah, the “relationship” isn’t going to last if she doesn’t go through with it, and I don’t see a lot of moral distinction.

That’s expensive, and sort of a long-term proposition, though. Doesn’t sound like what the OP was looking for.

Sugar babies like to promote the whole expensive, glamorous, going on trips type lifestyle. Sure - that happens, but most (from the standpoint of transactions occurred) are actually less expensive than a similarly attractive escort for an average - relatively normal guy.

This might seem counter intuitive at first, but keep in mind that it is pretty rare, but not unheard of, for an escort to turn down a guy. In the sugar baby area - the women can be more choosy - if you aren’t that bad looking and seem relatively normal to a sugar baby - you can often get a pretty decent price - especially on what normally would be considered an hourly basis - for such an arrangement.

Some won’t/don’t have sex, but those that do not - are obviously in the minority. It is true - however - that they often - will not have sex on the first date. Often this is done to get to come to an arrangement and stuff. They are sometimes in a bad spot financially, but still want to feel that THEY are the ones making the decision.

The whole $5,000 a night escort stuff with women that often just have guys that “just want to talk” is a myth. Sure it happens, but from the ones I’ve talked to (not of the $5,000 a night type) it’s like 1% or so. Most of the ones that charge $5,000 a night have never had a client.

And as far as the kissing goes - it is somewhat common among street walkers and the like. Also somewhat common among those with boyfriends. Often they view this as a way to “save something” for their boyfriend. Obviously this is relatively uncommon for someone in the $300 an hour range - and most people advertising as GFE (but some of them just mean oral).

Anyway - just wanted to post and say - even on a total monthly basis - a guy that wants to see an escort - say 4x a month can usually find a similarly - if not more attractive woman - for less money by going with a sugar baby - and not be rushed either.

[mmmiiikkkeee]

@Peremensoe

ETA: Note the last paragraph of polar bear. Banging a whore may make you feel more at ease, but it’s not likely to make you actually better at relating to women and securing real relationships.

On the contrary, feeling at ease and having confidence is usually the most limiting thing when it comes to men relating to women and establishing long (or short) term relationships. Read any dating advice for men; the biggest thing pushed is how you carry yourself and how comfortable you are with the women you interact with.

I know from personal experience that, for a guy at least, retaining your virginity longer than “average” tends to make the insecurity and nervousness increase exponentially and can really make you put extra pressure on yourself to be like everyone else… this of course comes across to women as being uptight, not relaxed, insecure, etc. Leave it too long and you can devellop a real mental problem as described above by the 50 year-old guy story further up.

My reading of the OP is not that he’s trying become accomplished in bed by hiring a tutor (agreed that won’t happen), but is more looking for a way to get over a personal self-limiting psycological condition that’s probably holding him back from being more relaxed and open to women in general. If that’s the case then I’d say go for it, but do some research first.

You don’t need to go to a foreign country; every country will have a long standing home-grown prostitution industry; just get to know it a bit. If your goal is to confirm to yourself that getting laid is really no big deal, then don’t go applying for a passport, book plane tickets, and spend thousands of dollars on what will end up as a 30 min session that will boil down to 5-10 minutes of actuall play-time). IOW, don’t make it a big deal - because it’s not. Also, unless you live in a very heavy-handed religious or otherwise legally-uptight country, the legal risks are pretty low if you use a bit of common sense. STD-wise, always use protection but don’t get too hung up on the fact she’s a hooker; there’s a large proportion of non-hooker girls that take far more risks and sleep with complete strangers who they can’t even remember… and the off-putting thing is they look identical to any other woman; regular girls are risky too and I’ve never met a woman who presents a confirmed list of previous partners and STD tests they’ve had performed. At least an escort will use a bit of discretion with who she has as clients, will use protection and safe play, and get tested regularly. That’s a lot better than the girls-gone wild chicks who get wasted and hump their way through highschool and college & spread 'em for any guy who happens to be stumbling around the same house party they are at.

In general, you should stay away from street walkers - they are out advertising on the street corner because they need the money right now and take a lot more risks; usually to feed some sort of addiction or abusive relationship. Escort-level girls are generally safer, but read through the ads carefully, and do search the reviews (a modern day convenience offered through the internet). It’s probably worth following the ads for a couple months and go more for escorts with consistent presence and good reviews. Those girls treat what they do as a real job and take proper precautions. I’d avoid escorts who are just in town for the weekend, who offer a lot of cheap specials, or change their names and numbers a lot.

If the OP is considering this for the reasons I’ve hypothesized, then he’d only do it once or twice maybe - to get over the “never did it” mentality. After that, go on and establish more normal relationships… keeping in mind that “normal” covers a very large spectrum. I’d just not mention it to anyone that I banged an escort; the stigma is so strong and IMO overblown. You could still mention that you only hooked up with 1 girl a few months ago for the first time if you want to convey a bit of honesty to a girlfirend - just leave out the part where you slipped her $100 first :). You have no real way of telling that her stories are true either, and an aweful lot of girls have an experience or three they feel really embarrased about themselves that you probably never will hear about even if you marry them.

[Hector_St_Clare]

@DataX

Sugar babies like to promote the whole expensive, glamorous, going on trips type lifestyle. Sure - that happens, but most (from the standpoint of transactions occurred) are actually less expensive than a similarly attractive escort for an average - relatively normal guy.

This might seem counter intuitive at first, but keep in mind that it is pretty rare, but not unheard of, for an escort to turn down a guy. In the sugar baby area - the women can be more choosy - if you aren’t that bad looking and seem relatively normal to a sugar baby - you can often get a pretty decent price - especially on what normally would be considered an hourly basis - for such an arrangement.

Some won’t/don’t have sex, but those that do not - are obviously in the minority. It is true - however - that they often - will not have sex on the first date. Often this is done to get to come to an arrangement and stuff. They are sometimes in a bad spot financially, but still want to feel that THEY are the ones making the decision.

The whole $5,000 a night escort stuff with women that often just have guys that “just want to talk” is a myth. Sure it happens, but from the ones I’ve talked to (not of the $5,000 a night type) it’s like 1% or so. Most of the ones that charge $5,000 a night have never had a client.

And as far as the kissing goes - it is somewhat common among street walkers and the like. Also somewhat common among those with boyfriends. Often they view this as a way to “save something” for their boyfriend. Obviously this is relatively uncommon for someone in the $300 an hour range - and most people advertising as GFE (but some of them just mean oral).

Anyway - just wanted to post and say - even on a total monthly basis - a guy that wants to see an escort - say 4x a month can usually find a similarly - if not more attractive woman - for less money by going with a sugar baby - and not be rushed either.

There are apparently low-end sugar babies who date successful plumbers and electricians. You don’t necessarily need to be making huge amounts of money.

[Peremensoe]

@mmmiiikkkeee

On the contrary, feeling at ease and having confidence is usually the most limiting thing when it comes to men relating to women and establishing long (or short) term relationships. Read any dating advice for men; the biggest thing pushed is how you carry yourself and how comfortable you are with the women you interact with.

It may be true for some men with respect to short-term relationships, that nothing less will break a phobia about being around women at all.

I stand by the idea (reinforced by things I’ve read over the years in this forum) that it is a poor tradeoff, likely to inhibit good long-term relationships.

Of course, some like pb think brothels and “girlfriend experiences” are preferable to actual girlfriends. Is that you, OP?

[Morgenstern]

@polar_bear

It’s not a criminal act where I am from.

Of course it depends on what you mean with “terrible”, but no, kissing is not considered to be an act that is a risk for STDs. According to the medical professionals at the sexual health clinics here (that actually deal a great deal with prostitutes and their customers).

As for precautions, I take a fisherman’s friend.

I’ve had numerous conversations (IRL and online) with professionals in this field and am quite informed. Thanks.

Well, ask them about the following then;

Infectious mononucleosis
Colds
Glandular fever
Herpes infection
Meningococcal disease
Hepatitis B (possibly)

[polar_bear]

@Morgenstern

Well, ask them about the following then;

Infectious mononucleosis
Colds
Glandular fever
Herpes infection
Meningococcal disease
Hepatitis B (possibly)

The chance of any of the serious illnesses to be transferred through kissing are very small (as far as I know and have been told). And any of these can be gotten just as easily from a person you meet in a club (except for hep B, which regular “Johns” are advised to get vaccinations for).

I really don’t feel the need to eliminate (impossible) all risks completely and can live with catching a cold.

[Living_Well_Is_Best_Revenge]

@Morgenstern

Well, ask them about the following then;

Infectious mononucleosis
Colds
Glandular fever
Herpes infection
Meningococcal disease
Hepatitis B (possibly)

Yeah, this is a bit hysterical and silly. Kissing is not a big deal.

[Morgenstern]

@polar_bear

The chance of any of the serious illnesses to be transferred through kissing are very small (as far as I know and have been told). And any of these can be gotten just as easily from a person you meet in a club (except for hep B, which regular “Johns” are advised to get vaccinations for).

I really don’t feel the need to eliminate (impossible) all risks completely and can live with catching a cold.

Sure, you’re talking about kissing a hooker, who, just an hour before, had some sweaty dude’s wiener in her mouth, not to mention possibly licking his brown starfish. Awesome idea. Enjoy.

[thelurkinghorror]

@kayaker

I spent a few years with an older escort. Low point of my life.

It was all I could afford. The hatchback part was ok, but it was a pos otherwise. Traded it in on an Accura Integra, then got a jeep.

ETA: nm, apparently this is another sex thread.

A Jeep? Sounds like you ended up at the lowest point in this thread.

[Ambivalid]

@mmmiiikkkeee

On the contrary, feeling at ease and having confidence is usually the most limiting thing when it comes to men relating to women and establishing long (or short) term relationships. Read any dating advice for men; the biggest thing pushed is how you carry yourself and how comfortable you are with the women you interact with.

I know from personal experience that, for a guy at least, retaining your virginity longer than “average” tends to make the insecurity and nervousness increase exponentially and can really make you put extra pressure on yourself to be like everyone else… this of course comes across to women as being uptight, not relaxed, insecure, etc. Leave it too long and you can devellop a real mental problem as described above by the 50 year-old guy story further up.

My reading of the OP is not that he’s trying become accomplished in bed by hiring a tutor (agreed that won’t happen), but is more looking for a way to get over a personal self-limiting psycological condition that’s probably holding him back from being more relaxed and open to women in general. If that’s the case then I’d say go for it, but do some research first.

You don’t need to go to a foreign country; every country will have a long standing home-grown prostitution industry; just get to know it a bit. If your goal is to confirm to yourself that getting laid is really no big deal, then don’t go applying for a passport, book plane tickets, and spend thousands of dollars on what will end up as a 30 min session that will boil down to 5-10 minutes of actuall play-time). IOW, don’t make it a big deal - because it’s not. Also, unless you live in a very heavy-handed religious or otherwise legally-uptight country, the legal risks are pretty low if you use a bit of common sense. STD-wise, always use protection but don’t get too hung up on the fact she’s a hooker; there’s a large proportion of non-hooker girls that take far more risks and sleep with complete strangers who they can’t even remember… and the off-putting thing is they look identical to any other woman; regular girls are risky too and I’ve never met a woman who presents a confirmed list of previous partners and STD tests they’ve had performed. At least an escort will use a bit of discretion with who she has as clients, will use protection and safe play, and get tested regularly. That’s a lot better than the girls-gone wild chicks who get wasted and hump their way through highschool and college & spread 'em for any guy who happens to be stumbling around the same house party they are at.

In general, you should stay away from street walkers - they are out advertising on the street corner because they need the money right now and take a lot more risks; usually to feed some sort of addiction or abusive relationship. Escort-level girls are generally safer, but read through the ads carefully, and do search the reviews (a modern day convenience offered through the internet). It’s probably worth following the ads for a couple months and go more for escorts with consistent presence and good reviews. Those girls treat what they do as a real job and take proper precautions. I’d avoid escorts who are just in town for the weekend, who offer a lot of cheap specials, or change their names and numbers a lot.

If the OP is considering this for the reasons I’ve hypothesized, then he’d only do it once or twice maybe - to get over the “never did it” mentality. After that, go on and establish more normal relationships… keeping in mind that “normal” covers a very large spectrum. I’d just not mention it to anyone that I banged an escort; the stigma is so strong and IMO overblown. You could still mention that you only hooked up with 1 girl a few months ago for the first time if you want to convey a bit of honesty to a girlfirend - just leave out the part where you slipped her $100 first :). You have no real way of telling that her stories are true either, and an aweful lot of girls have an experience or three they feel really embarrased about themselves that you probably never will hear about even if you marry them.

+1. Best advice of the thread.

[Fuzzy_Dunlop]

@Living_Well_Is_Best_Revenge

[QUOTE=Morgenstern]
Well, ask them about the following then;

Infectious mononucleosis
Colds
Glandular fever
Herpes infection
Meningococcal disease
Hepatitis B (possibly)

Yeah, this is a bit hysterical and silly. Kissing is not a big deal.
[/QUOTE]

I can’t believe I’m admitting this to strangers on the Internet, but one time… I caught a cold from kissing my wife.

But the really disgusting part is she caught it from our 3 year old. I don’t even want to think about how he caught it.

[TheBuilding]

@Peremensoe

Of course, some like pb think brothels and “girlfriend experiences” are preferable to actual girlfriends. Is that you, OP?

No it isn’t, I actually prefer real women, I’m just soo behind that I don’t my lack of experience to prevent women from dating me.

[Hector_St_Clare]

@mmmiiikkkeee

On the contrary, feeling at ease and having confidence is usually the most limiting thing when it comes to men relating to women and establishing long (or short) term relationships. Read any dating advice for men; the biggest thing pushed is how you carry yourself and how comfortable you are with the women you interact with.

I know from personal experience that, for a guy at least, retaining your virginity longer than “average” tends to make the insecurity and nervousness increase exponentially and can really make you put extra pressure on yourself to be like everyone else… this of course comes across to women as being uptight, not relaxed, insecure, etc. Leave it too long and you can devellop a real mental problem as described above by the 50 year-old guy story further up.

My reading of the OP is not that he’s trying become accomplished in bed by hiring a tutor (agreed that won’t happen), but is more looking for a way to get over a personal self-limiting psycological condition that’s probably holding him back from being more relaxed and open to women in general. If that’s the case then I’d say go for it, but do some research first.

You don’t need to go to a foreign country; every country will have a long standing home-grown prostitution industry; just get to know it a bit. If your goal is to confirm to yourself that getting laid is really no big deal, then don’t go applying for a passport, book plane tickets, and spend thousands of dollars on what will end up as a 30 min session that will boil down to 5-10 minutes of actuall play-time). IOW, don’t make it a big deal - because it’s not. Also, unless you live in a very heavy-handed religious or otherwise legally-uptight country, the legal risks are pretty low if you use a bit of common sense. STD-wise, always use protection but don’t get too hung up on the fact she’s a hooker; there’s a large proportion of non-hooker girls that take far more risks and sleep with complete strangers who they can’t even remember… and the off-putting thing is they look identical to any other woman; regular girls are risky too and I’ve never met a woman who presents a confirmed list of previous partners and STD tests they’ve had performed. At least an escort will use a bit of discretion with who she has as clients, will use protection and safe play, and get tested regularly. That’s a lot better than the girls-gone wild chicks who get wasted and hump their way through highschool and college & spread 'em for any guy who happens to be stumbling around the same house party they are at.

In general, you should stay away from street walkers - they are out advertising on the street corner because they need the money right now and take a lot more risks; usually to feed some sort of addiction or abusive relationship. Escort-level girls are generally safer, but read through the ads carefully, and do search the reviews (a modern day convenience offered through the internet). It’s probably worth following the ads for a couple months and go more for escorts with consistent presence and good reviews. Those girls treat what they do as a real job and take proper precautions. I’d avoid escorts who are just in town for the weekend, who offer a lot of cheap specials, or change their names and numbers a lot.

If the OP is considering this for the reasons I’ve hypothesized, then he’d only do it once or twice maybe - to get over the “never did it” mentality. After that, go on and establish more normal relationships… keeping in mind that “normal” covers a very large spectrum. I’d just not mention it to anyone that I banged an escort; the stigma is so strong and IMO overblown. You could still mention that you only hooked up with 1 girl a few months ago for the first time if you want to convey a bit of honesty to a girlfirend - just leave out the part where you slipped her $100 first :). You have no real way of telling that her stories are true either, and an aweful lot of girls have an experience or three they feel really embarrased about themselves that you probably never will hear about even if you marry them.

I agree with the first two paragraphs, but like I said, if you are going to sleep with a prostitute, spend an extra few hundred bucks and do it in a country where it’s legal and regulated. Which includes probably most countries in the western hemisphere. At least then you have reason to expect the prostitute is of age, can go to the cops if she feels threatened, probably isn’t enslaved, etc…

Or the aforementioned sugar-baby thing, which as mentioned further up the thread, is not illegal and is not prostitution.

[Hector_St_Clare]

@puzzlegal

I think it’s not legally prostitution since there is no requirement the woman have sex on any particular schedule, and he is expected to pay her anyway. But yeah, the “relationship” isn’t going to last if she doesn’t go through with it, and I don’t see a lot of moral distinction.

That’s expensive, and sort of a long-term proposition, though. Doesn’t sound like what the OP was looking for.

If they aren’t required to have sex, aren’t paid for the act, are sleeping with a small number of people that they’re selective about, etc., then I don’t see that it shares the problems with prostitution, and it seems to be very different (to me, anyway).

Yes, money is involved, but that’s no different than a lot of marriages and standard relationships. Trading sex for status is as old as human nature (actually older, consider the penguins). And as long as it isn’t actual prostitution (that’s to say, as long as there is actually some semblance of a real relationship there), I don’t think dating or marrying for money is worse than doing it for any other reason.

[panache45]

@Sampiro

Might be a straight thing, but… I’m a gay male and I haven’t officially used a prostitute, but I’ve been to gay strip clubs where the fully nude dancers definitely kissed on the mouth. (In fact, I wasn’t expecting it and it sent me running to the attended restroom to rinse with mouthwash as soon as the dance was over.)

This. You aren’t just kissing/fucking an individual. You’re kissing/fucking everyone he/she has kissed/fucked.

Also . . . The OP has a virgin’s idea of what will happen with an escort. It’s like every other fantasy: everything goes your way, and you will direct the entire experience. NOT.

[polar_bear]

@Peremensoe

Of course, some like pb think brothels and “girlfriend experiences” are preferable to actual girlfriends. Is that you, OP?

Just to be clear. Brothels and the girls that work there will never do you any good if you want a girlfriend. Someone to share more with than just a fun night. If, however, you aren’t really looking for that, it can provide a way to still have fun (and sex) with nice girls.

If you really want a girlfriend, being with a prostitute won’t help and will probably make you feel bad, rather than good.

Women in this business are real women though, don’t make the mistake in thinking that any human characteristics are suddenly gone. I could hardly believe it the first time I had “make up sex” with a working girl.

[gaffa]

First off, watch the movie The 40 Year Old Virgin with Steve Carell.

Second, talk to your girlfriend. You are not going to have good sex without communication no matter how experienced or inexperienced either of you are.

Some women might find it odd that you haven’t had sex or even kissed by age 27, but some might relish the opportunity to teach you what she likes, and what works for her. Far too many people of both sexes have learned sexual bad habits, and it can take a long time for their partners to get confident enough to tell them “Sweety? You know that thing you’re doing? Don’t do that!”

I was lucky enough to have had a few lovers who took the time to teach me, who took my lack of experience as a wonderful opportunity to start with a blank canvas. All you’d learn from a pro is the basic act of putting a penis in a vagina and rutting, which is pretty much instinctual. What you hope to do with your girlfriend is lovemaking, which is not on the menu at any whorehouse and is the result of a combination of desire, affection and experience.

Heck, if you’ve progressed to the point of visiting each others home and watching movies together, you could watch The 40 Year Old Virgin together, and use that as the opportunity to say “Yeah, that’s me…”

[nearwildheaven]

Don’t do it. Too many diseases out there, among other things.

Haven’t read the whole thread, but here’s one question: Do you know if she’s, ahem, “experienced”? Maybe she isn’t. And whether she is or not, everything you do will be new to both of you.

Have I already said, “Don’t do it”?