Then why continue posting?
Are you asking the OP to go off topic?
If you revert back to my first post, I never asked for advice. I asked to hear stories of how terminally shy guys met their SO’s in order to show me that there’s hope.
I’m a pretty shy guy. Luckily, I’m also apparently attractive to aggressive women. I tend to disprove the whole “once your in the friend zone, there’s no getting out” idea. almost every girl I’ve dated has been a friend first. the downside is that it makes the breakups hellish. also, try drinking a lot. when I do that, I stop being shy pretty quickly.(the previous two statements were at least partially tongue in cheek.)
Soapbox Monkey, I am the SO of one of the previous posters. He was bloody hard work, but very worth it.
You sound a bit like he used to when I met him. I spent the first couple of years we were together (we have now been together for 6) gradually building his confidence and making him realise he had a lot to offer. I am sure you have a lot to offer too.
Not all women are attracted to the life of the party. A lot of women are happy to do the work. And I have spent years singing the praises of shy and interesting guys to all my women friends.
If, as you say, at this point in time you are not inclined to take action, that’s OK. There is hope. We are out there!
My wife and I don’t remember the very first time we met, just that it was around 1990ish. She had loser boyfriend and I was a loser. I had a crush on her for years. She aand boyfriend broke up and got back together numerous times. Each time I thought maybe this is the right time to ask her out, but by the next time I saw she was back with the boyfriend. Except, finally, major breakup occurred. I asked her out. We dated for three months I think. Old boyfriend called back, they made up, I got dumped. I was a pathetic, crying mess for weeks. I got better.
Two years pass. We meet in the local park taking a walk. She has moved to an apartment closeby. I ask about boyfriend, she’s vague. We meet several times over the next couple weeks, go out for coffee, boyfriend is gone for good, has been for months, we go out on a date, and in short order I basically move in with her, and today we have two kids and are doing well (although I have posted in the past about some issues we have, but that has more to do with us specifically than with a shy guy getting a date).
I’d stick with being yourself and letting what happens happen. But you do have to be aware enough about people around you to know when she shows up, if you follow. If you are crippingly shy around everyone, not just women, you should seek some help. Otherwise, relax, do what you like to do. It’ll happen. I also have several friends who were certainly not “good with the ladies” and who have met women and gotten married. So it’s certainly possible. Good luck.
Pair of shy guys checking in… we met on the doperboards 
(huggle on my shy guy!)
She walked up behind me at work and gave me a shoulder rub. Later she told me it was because I was the only guy out of 100+ on the sales floor that didn’t hit on her.
I don’t even have a way to make myself accessible to women. I’m a comp sci major and there are only 3 girls in the class out of about 300 freshmen students.
I don’t dance or club or go to parties or drink. Maybe I should give the last two a try. I don’t know. But if these first 3 weeks are any projection of what the rest of this year, and my entire career at college will be, it’s going to be cold, bleak, and lonely. Just like high school. 
Hey my guy was a comp sci major too… and I was a physics major… we were in none of the same classes at all… As a matter of fact I don’t think he left his room to do anything more than attend classes… but lots of guys on his floor hung out in his room playing with his toys (computer, nintendo, stereo…) so I ended up in there too…
I don’t know if this is a good way to do it, but I met mine at work. She’s over at the next desk right now in fact (different part of the office though, I don’t see her most of the day). Its working well for me, but not everyone will be so lucky dating someone at work. I didn’t have to overcome too much initial shyness since work got us in the same place with something in common. Thats where I have the most difficulty, first meeting a woman and then (with class) letting her know I am interested.
Soapbox Monkey, the fact that you have self-worth issues is relatively a GOOD thing, in that it’s FAR easier to build you up than it would be to deal with an overdeveloped pride.
You imply that you’re in college. There should be some kind of counselling department in your college’s student services. Go to them, and get help with your self worth. Today, if you please; the sooner you start, the sooner you’ll respect yourself!
One of the most important things I have learned in my self development of the past year, is that for us shy people it is VITAL to develop self respect and a good self worth. It is that good sense of self that leads to becoming a truly interesting person, whom people enjoy being around.
Now go get 'em!
This sounded familiar to me, so I did a search and realized I had read your earlier thread on a different topic. I am a “shy guy” (or at least was, am somewhat less now), and don’t currently have a girlfriend. I actually have never had a steady girlfriend, but for now let’s say that’s mostly by choice, as I don’t want to get into all the specifics.
You are in college now, as am I, so I appreciate your situation. It can be tough to meet people, girls especially, but you have to act as if the barriers that traditionally have stopped you are no longer there. My closest friends here tell me most of them thought I was a bit of an arrogant prick when they first met me, though they now understand that I am basically pretty shy and was just acting very strongly to overcome that. So a couple people thought I was a prick for a little while; in the end it worked out pretty well anyway.
The truth is there are plenty of girls to meet and plenty of ways to meet them. Don’t worry about how one will become your girlfriend, there is no love at first sight. But you live in a dorm, man. That is like the best opportunity you can possibly have. Just walk around and talk to random people, particularly girls, particularly girls with their doors open. You don’t have to ask them out or even get a number right away, just establish contact so that when you see them around again you can say hi and talk more and see what develops.
Also, do you take all CS classes? I’m an engineer with a CS minor, so I again appreciate the situation, but I’m sure there are girls in your other classes. Make up bullshit excuses to talk to them (what was the last problem on the homework, what do you think of the prof, etc), and just bring up any tangential subject you can so a conversation develops. Believe me, I went through a lot of shit to learn this. And you don’t have to drink if you’re not comfortable with it, but don’t rule out going to parties either. Find one person (or several), guy or girl, and go to a party with them. Go and plop yourself down on a couch or stand by the dance floor, or whatever, and if you see a girl you like just talk to her. Even if you aren’t necessarily attracted right off the bat, talk to her anyway, you never know whom she might know, or if you’ll grow to like her. Always act as if you’re the shit, even if you don’t think you are. That doesn’t mean be an asshole, but if you err on the side of overconfidence, people will get to know you and realize you’re not.
Um, in the first sentence above I meant to say “similar” rather than “different”.
Being so afraid of being shot down, the only time I would ever approach a girl is if she was sending unmistakeable, clear-as-day signals. And since guys in general are bad at picking up on signals, thats not to likely. Basically what I’m trying to say is that it would take an act of God for me to start conversation with a girl I find attractive. Or probably any girl for that matter.
After my last thread, I realized, even after all the advice, that I wouldn’t be able to cure my terminal shyness, so I asked for stories from shy guys to give me a beacon of hope. All I can do is hope that out there somewhere is an outgoing girl who likes extremely shy, scrawny geeks like me, and that chooses me from the rest of the shy, scrawny geeks.
Sorry, I know you’re not looking for advice but I’m giving you some anyway.
Look. If she smiles at you, she likes you. Period. All you have to do is say, “hi.”
Soapbox Monkey, don’t read anymore.
I know, not necessarily true but don’t tell Soapbox Monkey. Seems like he just needs to know she’s interested. I’m Just trying to get him to go to talk to the girls. You know he talks to enough girls and some will bite.
Okay Soapbox Monkey I told you not to read this now you ruint it. The point is you have to believe that she’s interested. If all you need to know is that she likes you then if she bumps into you she likes you. If she says one word to you she likes you. If she makes eye contact she likes you. If she looks at you she likes you. I know you don’t believe it, but you HAVE to believe it. Even if it’s really not true, make it true. Since you can’t read the subtle language Women speak, it will pay to assume that every signal she gives you means “I like you.” I know this might seem hard, but lie to yourself. The next girl you see at the post office or at the bus stop or whatever think to yourself, "what signal is she giving off that says she likes me. Ignore the ones that say, “yuck” and pay attention to the signals that say “yummy”. Keep doing that day after day, week after week. Eventually you’ll start noticing more and more positive signals and it will become harder to see the negative signals. It will soon become easier to think about approaching one of them. Then one day, pass one girl and just say “hi” as you make eye contact. That’s all you have to do. No pressure to ask for her number, just “hi”. Keep doing that over and over again (not to the same girl) and soon you’ll think how easy it might be to say something else. Once you reach that step. Once you get her to communicate with you, it’s all downhill.
Sorry, I know that’s not what you wanted to hear. I think you are hearing a lot of evidence for what you are hoping for. Like I said earlier, I’ve dated several aggressive women. It could happen to you too. But get out there. You can’t meet Women at home. I met one at court. Another at a pool hall. And this last one at the grocery store. Join a gym. Go to church. At least go to the movies. Do anything but stay at home. And make sure that every time you go out you **dress to impress. **And I mean that. Seriously. Throw out your t-shirts and dress like you mean it. Every day. Buy nice clothes. $50 for a pair of pants is not too much. $30 for a dress shirt is not too much. $100 for dress shoes is not too much. In fact that’s cheap. Wear a nice belt. Put on a nice watch. Shine those shoes. Women notice things like this and many make judgements based on these details. Everybody does that to a certain extent. It’s understandable. Use it to your advantage. A suit is probably overdoing it but at least wear a button down long sleeve dress shirt. If that’s too much then at least make sure you look stylish. If you don’t know what that means then ask a salesman, or better yet a salesWoman. Make sure you smell nice. Get a haircut regularly. Make sure your car is spic and span as much as possible. Keep your home clean, just in case. Maybe the female mail-carrier is the one for you and she gets a flat and needs to use your phone. Happened to me once. (House was a mess.) You must make yourself and your life look tip-top. You never know when that special girl is going to come around and you want to be prepared for it. If you are counting on her to make the first move, then you have to make her WANT to make the first move. At the very least, when you look good you know it and then you feel good. You are happy and more approachable. And just like you wouldn’t talk to a girl unless you KNOW she likes you, most women wouldn’t dream of talking to a guy unless she KNOWS he likes her. Send her some signals of your own. Smile. Make a hair longer than usual eye contact. Do a double-take. Make it clear (or less muddy at least) to her that you are interested. Who knows, maybe she’ll talk to you, or at least she will send some signals back to you that help to convince you that you cannot let this one get away.
Hope that helps. Good luck to all of us shy guys. And dear Lord please bless all aggressive women!
Second, you have to find her.
First, you have to deal with that shyness. You’re studying an engineering discipline; when you come across a complex problem, what do you do? You consult an expert. (Fellow student, TA, even the professor.)
I’m not going to give you advice here, Soapbox Monkey, I’m going to give you something else.
A gauntlet.
:throw:
“There lieth my gage, engaged to thine!”
I CHALLENGE
(AOP: Sorry for the double-post; I accidently tabbed over to the “post reply” button too soon.)
For her to choose you, you have to be able to accept when she does so.
First you have to deal with that shyness. You’re studying an engineering discipline; when you come across a complex problem, what do you do? You consult an expert. (Fellow student, TA, the professor, etc.)
I’m not going to give you advice here, Soapbox Monkey, I’m going to give you something else.
A gauntlet.
:throw:
“There lieth my gage, engaged to thine!”
I CHALLENGE you, dude, to seek immediate assistance from your school’s counselling service. Issues of shyness and self esteem are no more complex, in their own discipline, than your CS assignments are in yours. Professional assistance will help you with these issues – it’s up to you to seek it out. I dare you to do so!
So there’s my challenge to you, Soapbox Monkey: Call in the expert, today. Are you up to meeting my challenge?
There’s my gauntlet, right at your feet.
Pick it up.
Put it on.
Live like a man.
Okay, about seeking counselling, what could they possibly do for me? Unless they have some magic drug that will make me talk to girls, or they run an escort service, the most they can do is offer me advice. And I think my last few threads have shown just how little the “get over the shyness” advice has done.
They can work with you to develop skills, develop a better outlook, outgrow shyness.
Not through advice, but through DOING things.
Start with a first session to ask them, HOW they will work with you. Tell them what you’ve told us, and ask what aid they will give you. Then come back with the answer to your question, what will this counsellor do for you and your particular case.
Just give it a start, and we’ll go from there. Will you take this first step on your quest?