NM - I just posted a story, only to realize after hitting “create new topic” that it was ridiculously long.
I will post it again when I reduce it to a reasonable length.
Hey! I was reading that and it suddenly disappeared. I thought my phone had glitched.
Sorry @Reeses_Monkey Here’s a shorter version - still long, but cut from 1839 words to 761:
I teach a Javanese music at our local cultural center. While I am hardly a professional musician or teacher, our group has lots fun.
We are inclusive – everyone is welcome, regardless of ability. Although the occasional jerk has passed through the group, I am happy to report that we now have a core group of people who are enthusiastic, mutually respectful, and just generally decent human beings.
A while back we had a novice player I’ll call Linda. She persevered and practiced a lot, so eventually became one of our better players, though not at a speed I would consider indicative of great aptitude. Her Western musical training (she has a master’s degree in music) was a hindrance rather than a help - she would hold up the group by insisting on forcing the Javanese music into irrelevant Western concepts.
At some point Linda decided we were weren’t good enough for her, and stopped coming but started playing with a group in Honolulu, which offers more advanced instruction than I can provide. I didn’t miss her at all, as she rubs me the wrong way.
When I heard she was playing with the Honolulu group, I did invite her to come give us a lesson, outlining some of the more advanced material she might have learned and be willing to share. She said no, which was fine by me - I only invited her because I was trying to ensure that my personal prejudices did not deprive the group of learning opportunities.
Buth then she showed up unannounced at one of our practices and commandeered the class. She alienated everyone by interrupting with a know-it-all attitude, uselessly conceptualizing the music in a way that the Javanese NEVER would.
I wanted to strangle her, though I tried to stay polite.
Afterward, I contacted group members and neutrally asked, “so, what did you think – do you want Linda to keep instructing us?”
The unanimous response was “F**k no. She was disruptive, rude, arrogant, and all around awful.” Two people said “I’ll quit if she comes back.”
Fast forward a few weeks. Someone who is pretty famous in this type of music, I’ll call her Georgia, has kindly offered to come do some workshops with us. The group is thrilled.
At some point Linda asked me for Georgia’s contact info, and has apparently attempted to insinuate herself with Georgia. Today I got an email from Linda saying, “Georgia asked me to do some lessons with your group before she comes, so that I can share her methods and the way the Honolulu group does things. Can I come teach the group?”
Rather than do anything I might regret later, I forwarded her email to Georgia, expressed my consternation, and suggested we talk.
Georgia immediately phoned and said, “I NEVER asked her to conduct lessons. I merely suggested, when she complained about your group, that if she wanted to be helpful, she needed to take a different approach and get your permission before trying to take over the teaching process.”
That was no surprise, as I suspected that Linda might have grossly exaggerated the extent to which Georgia “asked her” to come teach us.
I suggested telling Linda that she could contact group members and offer to work with them outside of our normal classes. Georgia very firmly advised, “Don’t give her an opportunity to work with your students at all before I arrive.”
I told Georgia that I might mention that I’d spoken to Georgia about her offer, as this would tip Linda off to the fact that she’d been caught in her misrepresentation. Georgia asked me not to do that, saying she didn’t want to get in the middle of a situation where Linda and I were competing over who had the most direct line to Georgia.
I promised Georgia I would respect her wishes. Ultimately, we agreed that I would simply respond to Linda with “thanks, but we have a full set of lessons planned already between now and when Georgia comes. Let’s wait and see, and perhaps you can join us when Georgia is here and we can all learn from each other.”
Honestly, I’d love to go running to the group with this juicy gossip, as everyone would sympathize with me. But that would accomplish nothing except to promote negativity.
So I’ll keep my damn mouth shut, although I will eventually have to warn people that Linda might show up to Georgia’s workshops, though if she does both Georgia and I will muzzle her if she tries to take over the teaching process.
Sometimes I hate being a grownup.
“Georgia, you are not to come to talk to our group whatsoever in any fashion. The students have made it clear that they do not want you there due to your disruptive behavior and your inability to make a positive connection with the group. This decision is final. Have a nice day.”
I was tempted to do that, but there is no sense in creating bad blood - especially if Linda (not Georgia) is already badmouthing us to the Honolulu group. I have been hoping that some of their instructors will come work with us.
It’s hard to believe that the Honolulu group doesn’t see through Linda, but best to be cautious.
Plus, we really are permeated with aloha culture here. No one wants to create bad feelings (even Linda - I suspect she genuinely has no idea of how she comes across).
Nonetheless, I probably will deliver a somewhat softened version of that message to Linda before Georgia arrives, telling her that she is only welcome if she is quiet and respectful and lets Georgia teach unimpeded.
Yes. You’re strong. Tell Linda to go blow.
Not wanted or needed.
Then you can go back to being the fun person and enjoy teaching your music group, like you should.
Never mind
Linda is the problem right? Stay away from her. Sever all ties with her. Don’t explain it to her. Just tell her it’s not working, you don’t want to discuss, it’s over. Notify the rest of your group that Linda will no longer be involved. It won’t be the first time she’s been voted off the island.
Heh heh - “voted off the island.” Perfect.
I have pretty much already done this - after the debacle when she attempted to teach us, she sent me one or two emails which I ignored.
I do need to answer her latest email, just to say “no, you may not come teach the group.”
It’s important to note that Georgia, while she did say, “don’t let Linda come teach before I get there,” has expressed a desire to allow Linda to attend her workshops. I understand this for a number of reasons, and would like to respect Georgia’s wishes, as long as Linda knows she cannot insert herself into the teaching process when Georgia comes.
That was long but I appreciate your sending it to me. What a read! It does suck having to take the high road, doesn’t it?
@CairoCarol do you teach gamelan?
I was quite intrigued by it but it never really clicked with me. I was told (maybe jokingly) that the bad boys from Yogyakarta play heavy metal gamelin; but that was the same guy who told me that if you meet a male with long hair, they are definitely from Yogya… so maybe a pinch of salt required.
I did, in fact, go there, and there were a larger than usual number of men and boys with long hair and heavy metal style T-Shirts, but I still have my doubts about that cultural cross-over.
I’m trying to avoid specificity on the type of instruction as I wouldn’t want this thread to come up in a search with particular keywords - and there sure are a zillion Indonesian musical traditions to chose from (several kinds of gamelan, kolintang, angklung, campur sari, etc.) I know that’s being pretty paranoid!
Fair enough. It is a wonderful country with so many distinct cultures, so it makes sense that there are a zillion styles.
I will say, @CairoCarol , that I admire your patience and your diplomacy. It sounds like, if anybody could broker a peace deal between two warring factions, you could.
But sometimes, as history tells us, no matter how much one side is willing to seek a diplomatic solution, the other is not. Georgia is willing while Linda is not. I have the feeling that even if Georgia allows Linda to sit in on your class while Georgia is in control, that Linda will not just sit in. She will try to take over.
At the risk of using an overused trope, cut them off at the pass. “Georgia, you are welcome to address my class. Linda, you are not. We would be glad to hear from Georgia alone.” Not the most diplomatic of ways to put things, but sometimes, when diplomatic efforts don’t seem to be working, putting your foot down has to be done.
As an aside, Carol, could you link to a few example of the music your group plays? I don’t think I’ve ever heard Javanese music.
It’s quite odd to the western ear, as we are accustomed to the 8 note octave (even though that itself is weird with sharps and flats, so probably more properly referred to as the 12-Tone Equal Temperament) - they roughly use a pentatonic scale, just 5 notes. It can sound quite discordant to those of us with a Western/European ear, but it is not unpleasant.
Example of tuning (short three minute talk)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Ku9iH2pU9g
Example of the actual music, 08:45 minutes
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UEWCCSuHsuQ
And the dance… obviously there are different styles, but here’s a Balinese version. Very dramatic, but often with little movement; fairly long, 09:56 minutes
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hi1quA4TRDU
I mean…I’m not seeing what I would consider “grownup” behavior here.
You’re the teacher of this music group, right? And I assume this is a formal position, not some sort of ceremonial role for a group of volunteers?
Just tell Linda her help and enthusiasm is appreciated, but fuck off (however you say that in Aloha culture. In New York culture we just say “fuck off”.)
Just for clarification, I believe Linda is the one who is not invited back to teach. Georgia is the other person who has been invited to teach, because they are respectful and their musical background and content is appropriate for the subject (rather than attempting to “fix” the music of another culture to conform to Western idioms).
But the sentiment is valid. I don’t know that everyone would come on that strong up front, but it’s certainly the correct idea.
Thank you for being the adult in the room and shortening your story to 761 words. 
Hey, someone had to do it!
C’mon. Admit it. You were thinking of making the same joke. Someone has to make the dad jokes!
In all seriousness, you’re doing the right thing - delay, dismiss, don’t let Linda interact at all except when Georgia is there, and you and Georgia already have an understanding to keep Linda from taking over. If Linda keeps trying to insinuate herself into your group, maybe damn her with faint praise like “Our little group is happy where we’re at - we wouldn’t want to slow you down. You’re too advanced for us.”
Thank you @scudsucker for sharing a range of links above giving a taste of Indonesian music and dance. Also, here’s my group in Jakarta (that’s me in the black shirt and white headband) playing a famous piece, a version of which is on the Golden Record that NASA sent into space. Supposedly Carl Sagan said it was the most beautiful music he had ever heard.
And if you are REALLY a glutton for punishment, or bored out of your skull, here’s a link to my current group playing a simpler piece at the dedication ceremony for the music studio we renovated (it was a nasty old storage unit, unused for years and filled with rats, roaches, and abandoned theatre flats when we fixed it up with our own labor and money). I’m not visible as the students did all the playing. “Linda” is in there somewhere but I’m not going to point her out, of course!
To anyone who views the links, I’d appreciate your discretion in the thread - please don’t mention the organization, group name, etc. I know I’m being absurdly cautious but our community is a small one and I’d prefer not to risk even the remote chance anyone might stumble on this thread.
Nope, nothing especially formal about it. I do this as a volunteer and all participants are volunteers. The group is more akin to a bunch of friends gathering at someone’s house on Saturday night with beer and guitars to sing folk music than a “real” performing group. The instruments are mine but are essentially on permanent loan to the organization that houses them.
Just to be clear - when I say “my group” I mean the group of people who came to my house regularly to play. I was NOT the teacher; we played under the direction of Javanese professional musicians. I was just another student. The only reason I teach now is because we have no access to such high-level instruction.