It would be the same thing out in Fleshworld as well. It’s really all about the cool. Give a little, but not too much.
Women are cats. Men, too, I suspect. Ever give a cat a whole wad of string? The cat will just say “Woah, I don’t even know you” and walk away. What would happen if you gave the cat just a tiny bit of string and then pulled it away? And then did it again? And again? Would the cat act a little differently?
It is, after all, about exciting a pussy.
Here’s the part where I ask you guys for a bit of advice. On Friday, I saw a really sweet woman that I haven’t seen in months. (I talked about her upthread.) Basic recap, we were glad to see each other, and my friendly little finger touch to her shoulder drew he into a full body hug. There was enthusiasm. There was electricity. There was practically a rape, and not on my part. And there was an exchange of e-mail addresses.
So what do I do with her e-mail address? “Hi, lovely lady! Let’s get jiggy with it, and then let’s get hitched, because without you I suffer. Please don’t turn me down.”
Nope.
“Lunch?”
Still maybe too much. Dear Lord, I’d be telegraphing interest! Interest equals stalking.
I’m thinking “I’m going out for a smoke. Want to join me?”
Clearly you should ignore him completely for a least three solid months and then check back and see if he’s still interested. After all, you don’t want to seem desperate, or indeed, even vaguely cognizant of his existance. That’ll bring him running. Oh, unless, of course, he’s using the same rulebook.
Wouldn’t it be nice if we could all agree to just treat the people we date like people? Why on earth should I treat some guy like an enemy combatant in a wargame just because he bought me dinner?
Tactics. Or maybe strategy. Or perhaps even your plan of campaign. I dunno- I didn’t attend Westpoint.
I see nothing wrong with a casual email stating you enjoyed yourself and inquiring after them.
[Lucy Van Pelt] Fears of looking desperate or clingy or whatever stem from insecurity and the lack of control we all have in establishing relationships. [/LVP That’ll be 5 cents, Charlie Brown]
Other than that, I got nothing.
I’d kill for it, but then every dating thread makes me more certain that I’m a mutant. And not one of the cool mutants that can walk through walls or read thoughts or shoot energy blasts from the eyes.
I hate the dating game. I don’t like being chased, and I don’t like chasing either. I just like things to, I dunno, work you. You like me, I like you. Coffee? Dinner? Sex? Repeat when neccessary. Someone already mentioned upthread that chasing implies one person is running away, which is exactly how I feel about it. Dude, if you have to chase me, I don’t wanna be caught.
But I’m aware that people who think like this are in a minority. It’s annoying, but c’est la vie.
“The cool”, trying to be cool, is for insecure adolescents. Adults express interest when they are interested, are polite and are kind to one another even when they have to say they aren’t interested. Twickster is an adult, and has behaved in the way intelligent adults do when they have had a conversation worth continuing.
The fellow in question let you know he had a family crisis. The timing of the crisis may interfere with your conversation to the extent that it doesn’t get picked up again – well, that happens. Not to worry. You didn’t do anything wrong, Twickster, nor do you come off as desperate. A man who would think so is reacting not to you, but to some previous unpleasant experience with someone else, or else he’s not at your level of maturity. That’s okay, too. Don’t answer a discourtesy with one of your own.
One of dangers of email – it’s way too easy to send off an ill-considered message.
Chowder, sorry to hear your date didn’t work out – you are a great guy (even if you don’t drink tea) and deserve better. On the other hand, Eccles is a fortunate beast.
Better make sure she isn’t sabotaging your romantic relationships in order to keep you all to herself, as cats are wont to do.
Don’t you think it’s just a little odd that you have been giving so much advice in this thread about how to act and you need the board’s help for this?
I don’t think so at all. If I were to receive one when I had had had a good time I would be very pleased. As I said, we don’t yet know enough to judge his motivation. All we know is he *said *he had a good time and he has said he is occupied with some sickness. Until I had heard otherwise, i would take him at his word.
The cool is not about putting up a mask of not caring. It’s about not being too open right up front. I’ve seen countless people, both men and women, getting scared off because someone came on too strong. Opening with too strong a hand not only turns it into a chase, but a skeevy one.
And of course you want to be polite and kind, but you don’t want to be a Nice Guy.
