Single parents - how do you do it? Date, I mean.

In My Humble Opinion
1

This is a subject I’ve wanted to discuss with other single parents since I became one six years ago. Unfortunately, I’ve only met a couple of other single moms, so I thought I’d see what I could glean from other people’s experiences here.

So…the main questions:

Where do you meet people? How long until you have them meet your kid(s)? How often do you date? Do you tell potential SOs up front about the bambinos, or do you wait? How much do you tell the kids? What about sex? How do you handle the breakup of a long-term relationship? What if your kid truly dislikes someone you really care about?

Obviously, this is one small part of the single-parenting experience, but the one part I’m most squirrely about. It has enormous potential for severe emotional consequences.

2

I am not a single parent (or a parent at all, for that matter), but I am single. At 30 years old, I am quite comfortable with the fact that it is highly likely that if I meet someone special, she will have children and that they are part of the deal. Here is my input from the single-guy-with-no-children perspective.

Depends on the age of the kids and how well you trust the man. Take your time. If he is patient enough to bear with you while you build your trust in him before introducing him to your precious kids, you may have found a winner.

You have to be the one to make that decision. Be comfortable in your schedule and I know I don’t have to tell you to put the kids first. Any man worth your time will work with you on that.

I say mention the kids ASAP. They are an important part of your life, and if a man has a problem with you having children, he’ll want to know so he won’t be wasting his time and yours. It is a good filter, because right off, you can narrow the field of potential men to ones who are OK with you having children. I, for one, LOVE children.

Hmmm… Another option that you will have to weigh yourself. Depends on the kids, their ages…

What about it? If you are comfortable, go for it. If you aren’t, wait. Any man worth your time will understand either way.

My general thought on this is that a clean cut heals the fastest. This, of course can’t be all-encompassing, but I have found it to be true more often than not. It does get trickier with children involved, but I will stick to my guns on that. Your mileage may vary.

If I were dating someone whose child obviously dislikes me, I would gracefully bow out of the relationship. The last thing I want to do is come between a mother and her child. It would be painful, but out of respect, I think that would be best. I am sure there are exceptions there, too, but that’s my take on the situation.
Hope this helps! Good luck!

3

As a soon to be single parent, I’m bumping this one so it might get more responses :slight_smile:

4

Thanks, Jophiel. :slight_smile: May I inquire as to when?

I’ve actually been in a couple of long-term relationships since my son’s birth, and I’ve had to go by trial-and-error with all this stuff, so I’m curious as to how other people have handled it, and your responses were helpful in seeing the other side of it - thanks!

5

Meephead… where do I find a guy like you?

I’m a single mom and it’s a challenge but the most important thing is to be honest and find a really good babysitter!

I tell potential dates about my boys up front because I feel that if someone can’t accept my kids then I’m not interested. I waiver on when to introduce them to the kids. I used to be more strict but I’ve relaxed quite a bit. As long as it’s casual and everyone is comfortable then I think it’s great. I just introduce the guy as mom’s new friend ____ and leave it at that although I won’t let him sleep over at my house. Being a single parent is a lot of responsibility and you lose a bit of freedom but it’s worth it!

6

You can find people like me here and there. I know there are others who share my sentiments, because I have seen and met these people. I have a roommate who is the same way. I also have some great friends who are single parents, and I have learned alot by observing. Be patient, and if you’re ever in the Dallas area… :wink:

Sounds like you have a good handle on things. Keep being honest, and not only will you know you have done your best, but you will have set a shining example for those kids, too.

7

Gundy, Sometime around the end of the year, my “girlfriend” (we’re still living together, but the relationship is dead) is going home to Indiana. I have yet to get the papers from my lawyer for us to sign, but the agreement is for me to have primary physical custody (joint custody) of our son (age 21 months) for 9 months and she will have him for June, July and August.

8

My wife has a lot of very supportive friends who are closer to her than most relatives, so she usually had no problem finding a sitter before she married me. She was up-front about having a 5 year old daughter, I think that is the only honest way to treat the situation. If she had somehow avoided letting me know she had a child from a previous relationship I might have backed down when I eventually found out.

9

I don’t see how in dating that things would change if you were a single parent as opposed to being just single. Except perhaps you need a babysitter.

I date a lot of single parents. Let me tell you though, one great thing is that when you want to get rid of the date or keep them from staying all night, say you have to get home to take care the kid(s). There is going to be absolutely NO argument from the date to keep you from doing that. If they did, you’d know they don’t like kids & you would know what to do about them.