[QUOTE=Anaamika]
Pugs, it’s not that. I will chuckle at dead baby jokes - because I don’t have any children. I work for an organization in which I hear about dead babies all the time…if you don’t laugh sometimes, you’ll cry. The stories I hear…But I won’t tell any dead baby jokes.
[/QUOTE]
Me, neither…anymore.
[QUOTE=Tupug Anachi]
Me, neither…anymore.
[/QUOTE]
There, there, Puggy. It’s okay. I laughed.
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Cozy!
Cozy who?
Cozy who’s knocking!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Dozen!
Dozen who?
Dozen anyone ever answer the door!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Earl!
Earl who?
Earl be glad to tell you when you open this door!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Ford!
Ford who?
Ford he’s a jolly good fellow!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Figs!
Figs who?
Figs the doorbell, it’s broken!
[QUOTE=anyrose]
**taxi ** - you and KeithT enter the reception (“and now, for the first time as husband and wife: Mr & Mrs T!”)and stand in the middle of the floor. When the DJ palys your song, hug each other and sway. You don’t even have to move your feet. Simple. Because EVERYONE at the reception will be expecting your “first dance”
[/QUOTE]
Nope. All 18 people… wait, no make that 16 now… who are invited to the wedding know us well enough to know that we hate dancing. And there won’t be a DJ anyway so I don’t really see that being a problem. There’s always a way to avoid things you don’t want to do. 
Wow you guys are prolific with the jokes! I’m not terribly funny so I’ll just keep quiet over here and appreciate you sense of humor.
This is my favorite joke in the whole wide world:
Inspector Clouseau enters a Swiss chalet and approaches the check in desk. There is a vicous looking dog near the counter. He hesitates and asks, “Does your dog bite?”
The proprietor says no.
<dog attacks and bites Inspector Clouseau>
He looks up at the proprietor, with a pained expression and says,“I thought you said your dog did not bite?”
Proprietor:“That is not my dog.”
cracks me up, every time I think of it.
[QUOTE=taxi78cab]
Nope. All 18 people… wait, no make that 16 now… who are invited to the wedding know us well enough to know that we hate dancing. And there won’t be a DJ anyway so I don’t really see that being a problem. There’s always a way to avoid things you don’t want to do.
Wow you guys are prolific with the jokes! I’m not terribly funny so I’ll just keep quiet over here and appreciate you sense of humor.
[/QUOTE]
a wedding with only 16 guests? man, talk about restraint!
Sixteen guests isn’t a wedding, it’s a cocktail party. Sorry taxi, you need to either pump up the pomp or elope. 
Drive by joke:
What do you call a leper in a hot tub?
Stu
I love that joke! Also all the armless/legless name jokes!
Oh yeah, one more:
What do you call a guy whose legs are amputated at the knees?
Neil
[QUOTE=anyrose]
What’s the difference between a nymphomaniac, a prostitute, and an American Princess?
the nymphomaniac says
are you done already?
the prostitute says
aren’t you finshed yet?
and the princess says
beige. I think I’ll paint the ceiling beige.
[/QUOTE]
You don’t know how many times I’ve heard that last line from Wifey. It’s practically her favorite joke.
BTW, what’s grey and goes *slam *slam *slam *slam?
A four-door elephant.
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Hannah!
Hannah who?
Hannah partridge in a pear tree!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Howie!
Howie who!
I’m fine, how are you!
This one is especially for Mika:
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Iguana!
Iguana who?
Iguana hold you hand!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Jewell!
Jewell who?
Jewell know if you open the door!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Lionel!
Lionel who?
Lionel bite you if you put your head in its mouth!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Madame!
Madame who?
Madame foot is caught in the door!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Moose!
Moose who?
Moose you be so nosy!
My favorite knock knock joke of all time:
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Ether!
Ether who?
The Ether Bunny!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Cargo!
Cargo who?
Cargo beep beep, run over Ether Bunny!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Boo!
Boo who?
Don’t cry, Ether Bunny be back next year!
Anyone up for naughty nusery rhymes?
*Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet,
eating her curds and whey.
Along came Little Jack Horner and said,
“What you got in dat bowl, bitch?”
Jack and Jill went up the hill,
each with a dollar and a quarter.
Jill came down with two and a half;
they weren’t up there for water.
Mary Mary quite contrary,
how does your garden grow?
Wth silver bells and cockle shells,
and one goddamned tulip.
*That one was my other’s favorite. So much so, that my sister and I had one tulip engraved on her headstone…
What goes clopclopclopclop bangbang clopclopclopclop?
An Amish driveby shooting
Why do I get the feeling swampy has a knock-knock joke book??
My youngest sister used to love to tell this one when she was a little 'un:
Sis: Ask me if I took a bath last night.
Unwitting straightman: OK. Terri, did you take a bath last night?
Sis: Why, is one missing?
Much hilarity ensued, at least on Terri’s part.
Me: ask me what makes me a great comedienne
Unwitting Straightman: Ok. What makes you th–
Me: Timing!
When my nephew was about 3, he started to learn to tell jokes. He’d tell knock-knock jokes that made no sense at all and then start laughing uncontrollably. We didn’t understand his jokes, but always wound up laughing a lot.
Haven’t read the whole MMP, sadly, but I hear there are jokes.
Hope everyone is doing well. My phone has been restored, as scheduled. Now if it would just be Friday so my cable would be there again. (I’m currently at the coffee house after having had dinner at Panera.)
But there are pictures! GT’s Big Tree Adventure
GT
Oh, how I’ve missed you all! Lost my internet connection for several hours.
**Puggy, ** I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you feel bad about your choice of joke. I won’t say anything about anyone’s jokes anymore.
Though I do know a decent, very slightly dirty one about a priest and a rabbi, if I can remember it…
I didn’t want to type these words at work, but I am also in the market for a new job. I had an interview today which went well, and then I hope to line another one up this week or next. I need more money. 
I am beat. My schedule has gotten quite busy. Get up at 7:30. Leave for work by 8:10. (No, I can’t get up earlier. Mornings stink.) Take a lunch, apply for jobs. Stay at work until 5:30. Get home by 10 of 6. Eat dinner. Bring stuff to the new apartment. Come home. Pack more stuff for the next day. Browse some more job listings.
Then finally around 9 PM I have some me time. And Og forbid if I go to bed before midnight. I won’t, I tell you! So…I am tired.
Gt I had to look at your pics twice. Wow. It doesn’t look like the same area.
[QUOTE=VunderBob]
Anyone up for naughty nusery rhymes?
..
[/QUOTE]
Just for you Bob:
*Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard
to get her poor dog a bone.
But when she bent over, old Rover drove 'er,
'Cause he had a bone of his own. *
If anyone is offended by the aforementioned buffoonery, I was…misquoted, Yeah that’s it.
I cannot believe we totally skipped over lightbulb jokes
how many militant feminists does it take to change a light bulb
one. and don’t laugh, that’s not funny
how many californians?
5 - one to change the bulb and 4 to share the experience
how many Oregonians?
5 - one to change it and 4 to keep out the californians who came up to share the experience
how many X-ish American Princesses?
2 - one to call Daddy and the other to poor the Diet Pepsi
how many programmers?
none - that’s a hardware problem
I could go on forever
Mary had a little sheep
It slept with her at night
The sheep turned out to be a ram
And Mary had a little lamb.