Slightly more than a 3-hour tour – a sea-going MMP

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
241

A guy is driving down the road, and he see a sign: Sisters of Mercy House of Prostitution 10 miles. He thinks he is seeing things. Farther down the road he sees another sign: Sisters of Mercy House of Prostitution 5 miles. He can’t believe his eyes. Soon he comes to another sign: Sisters of Mercy House of Prostitution next right. He decides to check it out. He takes the exit, and come to a large mansion with a sign out front:Sisters of Mercy House of Prostitution. He goes inside, and sees a nun sitting at a desk. He asks “Is this the Sisters of Mercy House of Prostitution?” The nun nods and points to a door down a hallway. The guy goes through, and sees another nun. He asks again, and the nun nods and says “One hundred dollars, please” The guy pays, and the nun directs him down the hall to a large door. He goes through, and the door shuts behind him. He is in the parking lot again, in front of a huge sign: Congratulation, You’ve been screwed by the Sisters of Mercy.

[Shepard Book]A special Hell[/SB]

242

Hah! I’m the first one in this morning. There are some advantages to working overnights after all.

243

How many Episcopalians does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two answers.

Four. One to call the Sexton (that’s Episcopal for janitor), one to mix the gin and tonics and two to stand around talking about how much better they liked the old lightbulb.

CHANGE!?!?!? Why should we CHANGE!?!?!? Why my grandmother donated that lightbulb to this church!

I Don Juan to work today! :smiley:

244

Excellent!

245

Morning, all.

I love all these old jokes. Most of 'em I’ve heard, but some are new to me. Cracking me up.

I Don Juan to work today either. My husband is taking two vacation days and is home snoozing as we speak. I’m jealous.

246

Yeah, me too. But the job I’m shooting for is here at Technical Thingies, Inc. The bosses put a big ad in one of the Navy newspapers, and one of the positions is for Purchasing Manager. Hell, I do 75% of the purchasing for this company already - I might as well be in charge of it all.

Hopefully, you’re all out of punny jokes now. And swampy, why are all of your knock knock jokes inn alphabetical order?

VBob, I think I’m going to go down to MacArthur Mall Saturday and get a picture of me and Julie. She’s gonna be there for some Hurricane Awareness thingy.

247

Y’all remember how I bragged that the VunderLair, out in the sticks, is darker than the boots of the High Sheriff of Hell at night? (no city lights…)

I was out the door at 0430 today to go swim at the Y, and I couldn’t figure out why it was so light at that time, because sunup was 2 hours away… Slowly, it dawned on me that the light was coming from the southwest, and once I got clear of the peecan[sup]tm[/sup] tree, I saw that it was the just past full moon lighting everything up. When there wasn’t fog in the way, I could see trees across the fields a mile or two in the distance. :cool: :cool: :cool:

When you live in the city, the effect of the moon is lost in the glare of the lights and signs. :frowning:

248

Keep your hands to yourself there, son… :wink: :stuck_out_tongue:

249

If I knew how to link to another thread, I’d link to a thread full of jokes, and I’d link that thread back here. Saves time all around. But, I don’t know how to do that, so… just know this — it’s out there.

Mika - good luck with the job search. You’re looking to get out the NFP world, right? If not, idealist.org can be a great resource. I’m looking, too. In fact, I have an interview this afternoon, so I have to actually wear biggirl shoes. That’s the worst part. (I work from a home office now.)

Last night, I went to get a jacket to wear to this interview. Before I managed to find something, I had a new loaf pan, mixing bowls, and apron. Yes, it’s sale time again at Williams Sonoma. Sadly, the cake pan I want is still not on sale. I don’t think it ever will be.

We leave for vacation on Saturday. Going from hot to hotter, but at least it’s a change. Of course, we’re flying and the terror alert has been raised, which freaks everybody out around here. I hope my mother doesn’t know…

250

I don’t think my arms are long enough to get close enough to her. Not from the front, anyway.

251

OK, I have to ask - did anyone look at the picture of Cricket I posted? I wanted some opinions on if it would have a chance of making the top 20 in the “Stuff on my Cat” contest. I don’t really expect to win, but after all the work it took me to get the picture, I’d at least like to make the top 20 so it can be voted on!

I don’t know how to do spoiler boxes, but here’s my joke for the morning:

How many little old ladies does it take to change a light bulb?

“Don’t worry about me, I’ll just sit here in the dark…”

252

This morning, I got to work and saw a note I left for myself last night with an order number, and the letters POA written below it. Now, logically, I know that this order cannot be sent out until I get Proof Of Address on it. But my mind went “Huh? Prisoner of Azkaban? What the hell does that mean?”

I so need a vacation. Luckily, I start one two weeks from tomorrow. :smiley:

253

Good luck, Mika. Job hunting sucks.
I’m trying to remember what I have to do today before I got to work at five. I’m a little fuzzy mentally because Aerin decided to put up a performance she hasn’t done since kittnehood- climbing on the bed over and over, while purring full volume and screaming joyfully about how much she loves us. At two and four. We’d dump her on the floor, and she’d get back up. Dump her again, right back up.

For about half an hour each time. IF she does that tonight I’ll make slippers out of her. Evil beastie.

254

Yesterday I was tired and stressed. Nuff said.

Today is my sixteenth wedding anniversary. Mr. Anachi and I exchanged cards this morning. They were almost identical. Does that mean we will start to look like each other? :wink:

Today I am also supposed to have my review. My work anniversary date is at the end of March. Coincidentally, I have worked at my present job for sixteen years. My boss has said not to worry cause everything is retroactive. Five months retro of a cost of living raise should be a nice chunkachange.

The following joke isn’t mine. Someone sent it to me. :wink:

I recently picked a new primary care doctor. After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing “fairly well” for my age. A little concerned about that comment, I couldn’t resist asking him, “Do you think I’ll live to be 80?”

He asked, “Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer or wine?”

“Oh no,” I replied. “I’m not doing drugs, either.”

Then he asked, “Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?”

I said, “No, my former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!”

He asked, “Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?”

“No, I don’t,” I said.

He asked, “Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?”

“No,” I said. “I don’t do any of those things.”

He looked at me and said, “Then, why do you give a shit?”

255

Congrats on your anniversary, Pugs!

I have no vacations scheduled for a while, but I do have tomorrow off. And while I have plenty of work to do, the first damn thing I will do is sleep until 10 AM at least. I am so tired I’ve got bags under my eyes.

256

SCL I looked at Cricket. He’s adorable! However, I don’t think he has that look of disdain, or pure bored uninterest that makes for the quintessential Stuff on My Cat cat. :stuck_out_tongue: But he has a good shot! All the hockey fans will vote for him!

rigs in all your gushing over your mentions in the Poster I Want to Know Better thread, you missed the fact that I mentioned you too! See – this is my pity party. I’m not only missing from every list, people whom I list don’t even notice! :dubious: :wink:

gardentraveler – did the tree come down in a storm … or did it just give it up for some unknown reason? There was a horrible tragedy recently that happened to the wife of someone I know. She was in a hammock, and suddenly and without warning, the tree just fell! On her. :frowning: It was so sad.

Nothing particularly interesting is going on in my life right now, sad to say. My older children are with their dad today, at the Cedar Point amusement park near Cleveland! I’m all nail-bitey over their safety, although I know they’re perfectly safe. I’ll just be glad to hear, when the day’s over, that they’re safely on the ground.

257

I noticed, ellen. Made me feel really good. I just haven’t had a chance to post there yet. Like I said, yesterday…tired…stressed…yada…yada.

258

I do tend to refer to it as “eloping with our parents.” And we are going away for the wedding: it’s not near his family or my family or us. So yup, pretty much eloping.

259

Things That Make Me Unreasonably Angry–Thursday Edition …

Do not call me “Miss Jessica.” Am I your nursery school teacher? No, I sure the hell am not. It’s not endearing. It’s not cute. It’s nothing less than annoying. Shit, I don’t even like being called Jessica on a regular basis, let alone with a title less that Sublime Empress of All Creation.

And don’t call me “Pumpkin,” either. Two people in the world are allowed to call me Pumpkin–my father, and the old lady that lived next door to me ten years ago. I have a name. Call me that.

Without the damned “Miss” part.

And stop telling every customer who calls your life story. I can just about guarantee that they don’t care where you grew up or why you moved here. Especially when they’re calling from Arkansas and just want to order some freakin’ film.

Grr.

I should point out that unlike a lot of other people, I have very little problem with "Honey"s and "Sweetheart"s and the like from strangers. It’s when somebody I know but don’t like starts this crap that I get tetchy.

260

Hey, now we know your name!