Drae! I see you’ve met Matt!
Russell. I knew I was forgetting one! 
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs on your front porch?
Mat
A duck orders a drink at a bar, the bartender asks how he’ll pay for it, the duck says
Put it on my bill
I thought that one was “bouy.”
What do you call a girl with no arms and no legs in the street?
Patty
What do you call a boy with no arms and no legs on your front porch?
Matt
Why’d the elephant paint his toenails?
so he could hide in a bag of M&Ms
Why’d the elephant have walk on stilts?
so he could look down ant’s blouses
Why’d the elephant have wrinkled knees?
cause his sneakers were tied too tight
Why’d the elephant have three white sneakers and one yellow sneaker?
cause he forgot to lift his leg
What’s green and red and goes around and around
a frog in a blender
What’s black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and blue?
a nun falling down the stairs
dare we delve into the dead baby jokes?
Anyone else want to post the one about Matt? :D:D:D:D
Good idea, rosie! Back to elephant jokes:
Q: What time is it when an elephant sits on your car?
A: Time to get a new car.
Q: What has four legs and is always ready to travel?
A: An elephant; it has its own trunk.
Q: How do you fit five elephants into a Volkswagen?
A: Two in the front, two in the back, one in the glove box.
Twinks, don’t even worry about it for a second.
What goes ‘clomp, clomp, clomp, squish; clomp, clomp, clomp, squish’?
An elephant with a wet sneaker.
How do you get 400 dead babies into a Volkswagen?
use a blender
You owe me a new keyboard! 
Eve: “Did you hear the latest about Jane Simmons who lives over on the next block? "
Sheli: " No, what about her?”
Eve: “She had triplets. Then not two weeks later, she had twins.”
Sheli: “That’s Impossible.! How did it happen?”
Eve: “One of the triplets got lost.”
Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?
Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
If a 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?
If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height, what would happen?
If you’re in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?
You know how most packages say “Open here”. What is the protocol if the package says, “Open somewhere else”?
Why is it that when you transport something by car, it’s called a "ship"ment, but when you transport something by ship, it’s called "car"go?
Why do you read dumb jokes like these when they only make you groan like that, as if in pain?
No, this is still the best one, Rosie!
Whats blackandwhiteandgreenandwhiteandblack and smells awful?
Two skunks fighting over a pickle
Yay! Somebody made a bad joke for me. Thanks Bobbio!
What do you call a man who’s been in a bog for 20 years?
Pete.
And don’t start me on the dead baby jokes, because I’ll fill the whole thread.
And why do we park on a driveway and drive on a parkway?
Doctor jokes!
Doctor, Doctor I feel like a pair of curtains.
Well pull yourself together then.
Doctor, Doctor, everyone keeps ignoring me.
Next please!
Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking there is two of me.
One at a time please.
Doctor, Doctor, some days I feel like a tee-pee and other days I feel like a wig-wam.
You’re too tents.
Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I’m invisible.
Who said that?
Doctor, Doctor My little boy has just swallowed a roll of film!
Hmmmm. Let’s hope nothing develops.
Doctor, Doctor, it hurts when I poke myself here … and here … and here … and here … and …
Your finger’s broken.
Clearly, Mika is bored.
That said, I have a doctor joke of my own. An old lady went to see her doctor. They exchanged pleasantries first, and then the old lady said, “Now doctor, since I’ve been here I’ve farted 20 times, but they’re completely silent and odorless.” The doctor thought for a moment, then wrote her a prescription and told her to come back in a week.
A week later, the lady came back. She said, “Doctor, those pills made it worse! Now my farts smell rotten!” The doctor wrote another prescription and said, “Good, now let’s work on your hearing.”
Huh. You won’t win that way, Spats. (I’m not seally sure how anybody could win anymore. I think Bobbio may have won it.)
What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud.
There are 2 cowboys in the kitchen. Which one is the real cowboy?
The one on the range.
Two muffins are in the oven. One says, “It’s hot in here.” The other says,
“Oh, no, a talking muffin!”
I call foul play. You simply can’t tell the talking muffin joke via text, it needs to be told in person for the timing and inflection.
A man walks into a bar. A week later, the bruise is gone.