My friend has recently started dating a guy, and much to her dismay, she slept with him the other night, only to find out he has a small penis (the way she described it, less than 4 and pretty thin). anyway, as her sex guru gay friend, she asked me to help her figure out a way to keep this guy as a friend (no, really) but stop the sex thing from happening. Now i know that everyone keeps saying size doesn’t matter, but to her it does. Any guy i ever hooked up with that had a small penis, well i never saw him again…they were random hook-ups so it didn’t matter. but this guy is real nice, and no matter what anyone says if the sex isn’t good, the relationship will probably not work out, unless on a friend level.
so what i am asking is:
is there anyway to stop the sex, but keep the friendship?
are there any excercises that REALLY would make it bigger (short of a pump)
would you want someone to tell you if you had a small penis?
If I may answer the questions in reverse order, NO!!, no, and no. Just my opinion, and I may be wrong on 2 of 3 but don’t bet Granny’s farm on it.
As for the old “does size matter” arguement, obviously it does to your friend, and whether it’s a physical or psychological issue doesn’t really matter, does it?
I have no idea how to stop it, but whatever she does, do NOT let her tell him it’s because his penis is too small. It might scar him for life. Literally. He may lose all self esteem when it comes time to be intimate with another woman. I really don’t have any experience with this personally, but I can imagine if someone said “I’m sorry, I can’t sleep with you because I find your anatomy inadequate.” It will make her sound mean and petty, even if it is a big deal. She needs to find some way to end the romantic relationship without letting him know why.
Think of it this way: How offended and hurt would she be if he broke up with her because “her tits were too small.”
Jman
*bets every man replying to this thread says “well, I can’t speak from personal experience, but…” *
i see what you are saying jman, although the tits issue isn’t quite the same, because they don’t really affect the actual act of sex…if she can’t feel the penis then there is a problem
*is there anyway to stop the sex, but keep the friendship? *
Well, folks try to do this all the time with varying levels of success. So, yes it’s possible, and it does not need to have anything to do with his anatomical size.
*are there any excercises that REALLY would make it bigger (short of a pump) *
Unless this person is still in puberty and still growing, not a thing. If they are that young, then time will hopefully be all that is needed.
*would you want someone to tell you if you had a small penis? *
I don’t think so. I would have a difficult time believing that he’s not already aware of this. If he isn’t aware, leave him in ignorance. If he is aware, don’t rub his face in it.
…if she can’t feel the penis then there is a problem
Ummm… to paraphrase the minneapolis midgit… “I didn’t know your organ was so small”… “I didn’t know I’d be playing in a cathedral” Most women I’ve been with can feel it just fine when all i’m using is one finger. If she’s losing sensation, the problem isn’t his size, it’s something else. Is it possible that we’re talking about more of a technique issue, and just her unwillingness to be with someone that size?
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And just to go with the flow and prove JMan right… I haven’t ever had this particular problem… and I got pictures to prove it… you just gotta ask real nice if ya wanna see
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see, this is what i was talking about…without the sex they are only friends…and if he is unable top satisfy her, because he has a small penis, how does that make her shallow, especially since whe wants to remain friends with him…if i wasn’t attracted to someone because they have a big nose, does that really make me shallow…if that is a legitimate argument, then i dare some of you men to have sex with me, a man, because according to those standards, it doesn’t matter what you look like on the outside.
so all name calling and pettiness aside…thanks for some of the help…keep going
The second question (is there any way to increase the size) is factual, but it’s already been answered. For the other two, relationship advice usually goes in our In My Humble Opinion forum, and it’s likely to get a better response there, so I’ll move it.
Good. Stay mad and then start thinking about the issue. You’re a sex guru? Good grief, then you certainly know that sex is about much more than the size of the equipment. Without the sex they’re only friends? And suddenly they’re deep, passionate lovers with the sex?
Give me a break. Sex is a hell of a lot more than just the connection of body parts. I stand by my statement. If she really wants to have sex with him, then she needs to be thinking of him as more than just a penis. And if she only wants sex with him if he’s a certain size without the emotion that she seems to have evidenced when she started dating him, then she is fucking shallow.
What I think respondents are taking issue with is this bit:
Which implies that the problem lies with him.
Phrase it as
and if she is unable to feel satisfied, because he has a small penis, how does that make her shallow, especially since whe wants to remain friends with him
because the problem is either a) her perception, b) their mutual technique, or c) she simply has a personal preference that really has nothing to do with how well a person can please another in bed regardless of size.
I hope that clears up why you keep hearing petty comments about her being shallow. It is shallow! We’re all shallow on some issues! Check out the thread on Sienfeldian breakups if you want to get some real examples of people fessing up to their shallow moments.
And there’s a pretty vast difference between not starting something because of your preference, and breaking something up because of your preference, though I think your friend is positively doing the right thing by wanting to break this off now, as soon as she’s aware of it rather than letting things go on.
So, she needs to tell him that the sexual part of their relationship isn’t working for her, and she would prefer to go back to being friends. Then she needs to refuse to give a more specific answer than “it just didn’t feel right to me while we were doing that”.
She can expect some distance for a while, and he may never come back from it, but it’s the most honest thing she can do without being brutal about it.
here is my thing…if the equipment isn’t satisfactory…or doesn’t work, than yeah, it is going to be a problem. if you are that amazingly able to overlook a huge (and again sex is a huge part of a relationship, regardless of what people may say) problem, than you are a saint…all i am saying is that if she isn’t satisfied, then does that really make her shallow? i don’t think so.
take the whole penis equasion out of it for a second…if she had been sleeping with this man, and he was a bad lover, then sure, she could teach him a couple of things. however, that isn’t the case. the fact of the matter is HE DOESN’T SATISFY HER BECAUSE HE HAS A SMALL PENIS.
and yes, without sex they are pretty much only friends…with it they are LOVERS. if you don’t think sex is a defining relationship thing, then i have a hell of a lot of lovers, because i am close to a lot of people…is that what you are saying?
and she does think of him as more than a penis…which is why she wants to remain friends with him, if she was that shallow, why would she keep him around otherwise?
you must be mother theresa if you are able to say that all that matters is the emotional side of things…
And,my fellow respondents, do keep in mind, the fact that jaytini2’s friend isn’t the one posting and reading this means that jaytini2 pretty much has to defend her. It’s a friend thing after all.
I do think we’ve at least reached a point of agreement that a degree of shallowness is a factor, and we can get back to the how to remain friends advice with the only occasional sniping about “how shallow”
So, jaytini2, how about a little background… were they friends for a while before they started dating? How long have they known each other? There is likely at least a part of her that wants to remain friends so she doesn’t feel bad about dumping him due to his size, do you have any feel for how much this might be a factor?
Ah, but now you’re changing your story. In your OP you seemed to suggest that the reason she didn’t want to have sex with him was strictly because he had a small penis. NOW you’re saying that he somehow couldn’t satisfy her and she seems to be placing the blame in his penis size.
Frankly, I would be more devastated that a woman thought little enough of me that she didn’t even want to try to work things out after one bad night in the sack. I mean, this was obviously no ‘casual sex’ thing. If she knew that she only wanted bigguns, then that’s something that should have been made clear before the relationship developed to the point that they were hopping in bed.
And frankly, it’s rather a silly question for someone who fancies themselves a “sex guru.” I’m no sex expert, nor do I play one on TV, but for my money the lack of satisfying sex is more a problem with the relationship than with the equipment. If she really liked the guy and wasn’t just using him for sex, she’d look into ways of working things out instead of trying to pin the problem on him.
Very true. I’ve had small men, big men, “wide” men and “thin” men[sup]*[/sup]. Often times the smaller men, because they know their penis is smaller, make up for that in other ways.
Honestly, I have never found size to be an issue when we got right down to sex. If there is mutual attraction and sufficient foreplay on both sides, then both parties can be satisfied. If all either side is looking for is a quick bang, then release will happen, but good sex will not.
[sup]*When I finally grew up, I realized that sex wasn’t all that. Yeah, it’s great, yeah, it’s fun. But making love is better. Oh, and no matter what, practice safer sex.[/sup]
4 inches should be fine. Unless she’s built like a windsock. I vaguely recall a study (Kinsey?) that showed a bell-curve and 4 inches was at the lower end of the normal area.
Th’ reason she’s shallow (and I notice you make the same mistake) is that she’s not able to look beyond dick size to other…areas. Tongue, fingers, etc. For normal people sex goes beyond the old “in-and-out” and involves touching, carressing, licking, petting, hugging, etc. Sex involves more skin than his 4 inches and however many inches (feet?) her vaginal area is.
For her to dismiss anything other than piston action is about the equilivalant to her tossing a fillet mingon away because it’s not as big as a flank steak. Prepared correctly, either one can be a gourmet treat.
Euty is 100% correct.
And, um. No. There’s no way to say “Hey, you’re dick’s too small, get outta here you girly-boy” without hurting his feelings. How in the world could you think there might be? The only decent thing she can do is to blame herself, regardless of whether or not she belives it (true though it may be) “Bob, it was wonderful last night, but I’m just not ready for a relationship like that yet.” or suchlike.
I wondered if maybe this thread is a kind of revenge on generations of young men who have stood on street corners saying “look at the ankles on that dog!” to each other.
Then I reread the OP
so jaytini2 is gay and penis size matters to him? And to his woman friend?
I dunno. What a world.
[The Graduate] I have one word for you, Benjamin [/The Graduate]
*Probably not. IIRC, the “let’s just be friends” line does NOT work on guys, and is especially nasty if delivered after sex.
*No. I’ve also read pumps don’t work either.
*I’m not a guy, but my guess would be Absolutely Not. I am sure he already knows his penis is on the small end of the “normal” range. As a sex guru, jaytini2 you probably already know this, right? If someonewas to tell
me he didn’t want to have sex with me any more because of some physical criterion he deems important, I wouldn’t be terribly upset. But I suspect penis size is more important to a male psyche than, say, tit size is to a womans’ psyche. Either way, it’s sad if one’s self-esteem is going to be crushed by one person’s opinion of a single physical characteristic.
As to the shallowness issue…I don’t think it’s shallow to not find someone sexually attractive based on a single physical characteristic. I would have a difficult time finding a guy attractive if he was 5" tall & weighed 350lbs. I may like him a ton as a friend (in fact one of my closest friends is an extremely obese man), but I wouldn’t want to sleep with him. Does this make me shallow? I don’t know. If I really liked someone, had sex with him & then found out he was not very well endowed, I would probably find ways for he & I to still make it satisfying for both of us. But then…I’m probably somewhat older than the OP’s friend, and by the time I decide to sleep with somebody it’s a fairly carefully considered move.
Who rejects a man because of THAT? Seriously, that’s the dumbest thing I ever heard of. Unless you’re just doing some casual, “sex for the sake of sex” thing this is right up there with “He eats his peas one at a time.”
