There’s a sign posted in the low-income housing area here in Seattle that’s so odd no wisecrack can measure up to it.
The sign says:
“Illegal activity prohibited in this area.”
I know, a dozen possible responses leap immediately to mind. But none of them is as amusing as the sheer absurdity of the sign itself.
My favorite:
Sign: “Jesus Delivers!”
Me to wife: “In 30 minutes or its free.”
She still laughs about that today.
On the way to work, I pass a child care facility called “Florence Child Development.”
I’ve always wondered if they charge extra for 1-hour child development…
“METHODIST CHURCH IS INNOCENT!”
and an oldie but goldie: “Jesus Saves! … but {insert name of favourite footballer here} scores on the rebound”
Dammit, I can’t view it for some reason. What does it say?
“Jesus Saves” + “25% at Crazy Bob’s Used Car Lot”
It’s possible you can’t see it becuase it’s a PNG file rather than a JPG or a GIF.
I’d just retype the billboard text, but then you’d miss out on the whole horrible yellow-and-black graphic design of it all. That, and I’d wear out my caps lock key.
Here it is as a .jpg: auugh!
What Would Jesus Do…
…for a Klondike Bar?
Here’s another one. At the end of the highway I live on, where it meets the major-er highway, there’s a mechanic shop of some kind with a big sign on it with the rearrangeable letters. It says, in part,
HELLIS FOREVER
And then goes on a big religious spiel. But the spacing in the top line is as shown, so now when I see it I yell GO HELLIS! HELLIS FOR WORLD CHAMPS!
It depends. If they go to Hell after, you have to take summer school.
“Hard hats must be worn on this site” - what wrong with wearing new ones?
“No entry - staff only” - so, logically, if I’m not on staff …
“This door is alarmed” - so am I, now
I remember a sign on an auto shop that said “Stone chips repaired”
I always wanted to go in with a stone chip and say, “My stone chip is broken, how much to repair it?”
The best sign i’ve seen for a while is for a car mechanics with the dubious name ‘Piston Broke’, you may have to be British to appreciate the joke…
I love those signs on traffic lights that say things like
No left turn
9 a.m. to 11 a.m.
4 p.m. to 7 p.m.
Monday through Friday
RTD bus exempted
I always want to yell. “Now I can’t even remember if I wanted to turn anyway!”
That’s barely comprehensible. 
We’ve got a lot of billboards for the casinos in Biloxi, Mississippi, some of which say “98% payback on slot machines!” And they seem quite proud of it.
So, can you imagine, here is a company bragging about the fact that if you give them $100, they will give you back $98.
And the clincher is, the good ol’ boys down here look at it and think: “Wull, that seems like a purdy good deal!”
Ooh, ooh, I thought of one here - here in Calgary, they put signs on the overpass bridges saying ** “Don’t jump over railing.”** I swear to God I’m not lying. I don’t think there’s a snappy comeback to that - um, yeah, it’s pretty much always a good idea not to jump over the railing of bridges. Unless you are trying to die.
It’s not really a stupid sign, but we have signs here indicating that there is old folks’ housing in the neighbourhood - the signs picture a couple of doddering old people symbols, complete with canes. I’ve always found these amusing. It’s like the young healthy guy symbol striding across the street in the walk lights in his retirement career, or something.
