Existential : “I don’t know, I just am.”
Philosophical : “I think.”
Douchey : “Like you, only better.”
Overworked and underpaid.
I’m here. How good could that possibly be?
“Nothing that a tower and an AK-47 wouldn’t solve.” - from The Matchmaker, with Janeane Garofalo.
- Do you really care?
- Can’t complain. Nobody listens to me anyway.
Sounds like someone has a case of the Mondays!!!
As fast as I can get it out,“I’m better than I was, but I’m not so well as I was before I got to be as bad as I am now.”
Works peachy when I am feeling a little devilish.
Also good if I have been sick for a while.
My stock response is:
Better than nothin’
Although occasionally I’ll go with
FANTASTIC! Which always gets the response” Really?” to which I respond “Well, no, not REALLY. But I AM adequate for most tasks”
Also occasionally:
Amazing… and I’ve got written testimonials
A friend has taken to answering the question with “I’m am.” It’s utter nonsense but it’s cute. (Well, if you knew her, you’d think it’s cute.)
I tend, in person, to give a cheery Big Gay Al “I’m super, thanks for asking!” But without the lisp.
I also use “I am” fairly often. The same way God would answer. If particularly perky, I’d say “I am very!”
“Well, I’m here”
“Yup”
Or I might answer like this:
A man I used to listen to on the radio would reply “I am better than most, but not as good as some.” My personal reply is often “I am not unwell.” Most people have to pause to think that one through.
If I were doing any better, I’d have to hire you to enjoy it with me.
“You want the short version, or the long version?”
My standard answers are “I am well” and “Superhappygroovalicious”. With just a bit of practice, both can be said with precisely the degree of sincerity or sarcasm you require.
I’ve never understood this. The word “Hi” is already a greeting. There must be some purpose to the “how are you” part besides just being a greeting. I’m pretty sure the point is to try and start a bit of conversation. And that isn’t going to happen if you give the same boring response every time.
So it may be a greeting, but there are quite a few possible responses.
As are “Hello”, “Hey”, and “Howdy” (short for “How do you do?”, let us note). There’s nothing preventing the language from having more than one ritual greeting.
“Not as good as you” Arrggh - I hate that.
Response to “What’s up?”
“The cost of living”
Said in an Eeyore voice: “Just another day in Paradise. Thanks for asking.”
or, “My nipples. It’s cold out there…”
“Not too bad for an amateur”
An Older Gentleman I used to go to church with would say “Pretty good for a young feller”
“If I were any better, I’d be illegal!”