So what should be on the screen but Flash Gordon!
But I hated, hated, hated that movie!
So I had fun snarking at the screen.
But a bunch of large, muscular gay bikers from the Sam J. Jones Fan Club were there, and none too pleased that I was mocking their idol.
So I invoked the ghost of Freddie Mercury, and while they were worshiping it, I fled out the back.
But the back alley was filled with Salvation Army reps, who assumed I was homeless, dragged me to their shelter, and gave me a cup of pea soup.
So, since I really had to go, I turned the pea soup into pee soup.
But nobody wanted to see me pea, I mean pee, green.
So I snuck off and used one of the Salvation Army Christmas buckets.
But the place I picked wasn’t as private as I thought and I was arrested for indecent exposure.
So, since I needed a lawyer, I called that gabby lady with the big hat who does late night ads saying “Call me if you’re picked up for DWI.”
But it turned out she was really a dude, and wanted both a retainer of $1 million and to be called “Sebastian.”
So I ended up in a jail cell, with a person named Moose
But as it turned out, Moose had been tunneling under the cell floor for months, and we escaped together, coming up through a manhole next to a White Castle.
So we mugged a guy and bought some sliders.
But we got hit with a major gas/burping fit 30 minutes later.
So we mugged a guy for some Gas-Ex.
But the guy didn’t have any money- just $50 worth of iTunes gift cards.
So we went online, bought a shitload of Justin Bieber songs and immediately regretted it.
But that was still fun, imitating his voice made the entire city running after us.