It’s been said several times that the whole casual sex ring is unfair because guys get bonus points for sleeping around and women get looked down upon for it. As someone stated in another thread “Guys are seen as studs, and women are seen as sluts.”
Personally, I don’t agree. Sure, in highschool when it was all new and crazy, this was the case, but once I got older and (hopefully wiser), it just wasn’t the case. I have no qualms with my friends who end up having a new girlfriend every six months and have highly sexualized relationships with them, but those of mine who just jump from bed to bed never really gain any respect or admiration from me. I’m more amazed at the fact girls keep wanting to sleep with them knowing they’re man whores, than I am wishing I were him. I’m much more impressed by guys who can get steady relationships that casual sex. Maybe I’ve just got odd views on the whole matter.
So, for the guys out there, what about you? Do you admire, respect those guys who go out every weekend and bag a new babe everynight, or do you see them just as “irredemable” as “sluts”?
I don’t necessarily respect them…but I definitely like to hear their stories, because they often start with sentences like “so I went to this strip club because one of the dancers there had been pestering me to visit her at work…”
I respect a guy who can keep a relationship going versus a guy who, apparently, has nothing going for him but sex. Then again, what do I know? I’m just a teenager…
But, it does make me wonder about what kind of a person would want to do that. I mean, I’m so prude, and I know there are all kinds of levels but, being with a different women every weekend is not something that would thrill me.
Just saying, it’s been the case with every women I’ve ever been with that the sex is sooooooo much better after a few months when you’ve learned each other.
Dunno as it’s a matter for “respect.” Any more than a preference for a certain type of sandwich, or a knack for dodging speeding tickets is a matter of “respect.”
I knew a guy who got laid incessantly. Lots of times. Used to go home with all kinds of women. On one occasion, I found him in bed with TWO women. At once.
Did I respect him? Well, yeah. But his sex life had nothing to do with it. I envied him, certainly, but it wasn’t a matter of respect.
I knew another guy who got laid incessantly. Lots of times. Used to go home with all kinds of women. He’d chat 'em up, lie to them, get his face slapped a couple of times an evening. He was a big adherent to the theory that if you just ask ten women “wanna fuck?”, one would say, “sure.” And it always worked, for him.
Him, I didn’t respect. He was a sex addict, and he had underhanded dealings with women to fulfill his addiction, and he had no respect for half the frickin’ human race. But, then, that was WHY I didn’t much respect him.
Still kinda envied him, though. Although it is easier to envy a scumbag than a kinda okay guy. You can always tell yourself there’s a REASON why you aren’t like the SCUMBAG…
Actually, it depends on why the guy gets laid a lot. In college, I knew a guy the women swarmed after. Once, at the end of a party when he hadn’t met a girl he wanted a relationship with, he walked up to a girl who had been following him around and asked, “So, do you wanna fuck?” And off they want. He was actually a very nice guy and really was doing his best to find a girlfriend, and was definitely not in one night stands. I had a lot of respect for him. The others I’ve known were more of the “if you ask a thousand women, a few will say yes” variety. Their roads didn’t seem to lead to happiness, and I had no respect for them.
I’m with you. Never impressed me, and I don’t know any guys who weren’t man whores who were impressed by it. Moderation in all things is what I say.
My best friend in high school turned into an absolute super manwhore in university. Steve was a nice guy but he just could not control his obsession with sex; maybe it was because he never dated in high school, I don’t know, but his entire life turned into a neverending search for the next desperate slut for about four straight years. And the entire time he bragged about all his conquests. We’d be walking to class and he would point to some girl and say, “Hey, that’s Janice. She smoked my hog a couple of months ago!” (Actual verbatim quote.) On another occasion while we sat in Polisci 110 he pointed at some raven-haired beauty and told me in excruciating detail how he’d had various types of intercourse with her. He wasn’t lying, either, at least not most of the time. I saw him in action, and he was a skilled pickup artist, no doubt about it. Handsome, too. And you could see the looks on the faces of the women he was nailing and leaving. I learned very quickly not to sit near him in class.
I found Steve absolutely disgusting. I don’t know what the hell happened to him, but a guy I had thought was nice and cool turned into one of the slimiest dirtbags I’d ever known, almost entirely because all he did was spent his time pursuing one night stands. I mean, I was a young man out partying and stuff too, and I bedded some attractive young ladies, and I have no qualms at all about a little recreational pre-marital sex, but I was A) reasonable about it, B) a gentleman, and C) didn’t go around announcing the details of last night’s boff-fest and naming my conquests. We’d sit there listening to Steve blather on about his latest ho and the moment he got up and walked away everyone would roll their eyes. After a few years I and everyone who knew him just got sick of him. I didn’t know a single guy who was impressed by his antics or his bullshit.
Anyway, a few years into this we were at work (Steve and I also worked in the same place back then) and it had gotten around that I was dating a young lady and that it was a serious relationship, a big deal. (It wasn’t Mrs. RickJay.) Steve was peppering me with questions and said at one point, “Wow, a long term girlfriend… that’s really cool, Rick… it must be great.” I realized after a few more questions how lonely he was. It was pathetic and sad and repulsive.
Eventually he had no friends left, male or female. He ended up moving to B.C. with a girl who he was serious about, which I think is really great and I hope they’re happy, but he is an absolute Grade A example of how man-whores don’t impress other men.
I think I respected and envied that kind of behavior back in high school. Then I went to college and actually engaged in it. Now, like many others here, I just don’t care how many people any of my friends(male or female) are sleeping with.
The so-called double standard of calling sexually promiscuous men “studs” and sexually promiscuous women “sluts”, with positive connotations associated with the former, and negative connotations associated with the latter, is not, in fact, a double standard. There is a significant skill differential between the two groups.
Being a stud requires good looks, a solid sense of fashion, an active imagination, a compelling sense of humor, excellent verbal communication skills, the ability to read and use body language effectively, the ability to accurately estimate a woman’s character and modify one’s approach in accordance therewith, self-confidence, the ability to take countless rejections in stride, and most importantly, the willingness and ability to improvise and act out a seduction attempt correctly and immediately on hot prospects. The required skillset, precision, and fortitude of character is immense – a single wrong move or phrase can ruin a seduction attempt and waste hours, days, sometimes weeks of effort.
Being a slut requires the willingness to sleep with lots of men. That’s it. Men will do the rest.
Being a stud is the path of highest resistance. Like any path of high resistance, choice thereof deserves respect.
Being a slut is the path of lowest resistance. Like any path of low resistance, choice thereof deserves no respect.
Dunno really.
I used to live with someone who had a different girl hanging about every few weeks. I guess I was kinda envious of his confidence and ability to get on so well with these girls when compared to my overpowering shyness. But then I wouldn’t exactly call it respect because it just didn’t seem to be something I really wanted to do myself.
I also envied friends who had long term relationships, same feeling different reasons. If they could go out with a girl and the girl felt that she wanted to stay with them then that was just one more thing I couldn’t get right, that would have been respect. Hell, I even envy my Dad for getting married and having a partner for life :rolleyes:
OK, I have to say I disagree with you. It is a double standard. I’ll be the first to say I’ve done some pretty slutty stuff, but, I’ll also say that I have an ex who, after I broke up with him like 5 months ago has slept with 6 new girls. However, he didn’t start this until June. (The 6 girls). He told me about this in the end of
July. So that’s 6 in 2 months. That’s about how many guys I’ve slept with period. (well… 8, but…)
So, I feel that if I’m slutty, so is he, but if I’m not, he’s not.
Guys are not exempt. Having promiscuous sex is slutty no matter who does it. You said studs are charming, intelligent, attractive and all that. What if a girl is intelligent, pretty, nice, etc? I know I am. So maybe I’m a female stud.
You don’t get it – or you do, but you’re in denial. Being a stud is hard. It is not something every guy can do, in fact, very few guys can do it. It takes good looks, predisposition to certain behaviors, lots of preparation, and lots of practice. It is a challenge. That’s why it is deserving of respect.
In stark contrast to this, being a slut is easy. You don’t have to work for it. You just drop hints that you’re willing to put out, and it just happens. It is a cakewalk. That’s why it is deserving of no respect.
If anything, it’s easier for a pretty girl to be slutty than an ugly girl. I have more respect for an ugly slut than a pretty slut; at least the ugly slut has to expend a minimal amount of effort dressing right and going to the right places.
Ummm… I guess I would admire his skill at picking up women and there might be a tad of envy there too as I am somewhat shy about pressing myself on ladies I don’t know, but admire him personally, not really. While I might envy the action he gets, the personal/moral choice of going after lots of sex with relatively little intimacy is simply not one I would make, and quite frankly most grown responsible men I do admire, even if single, handsome and available, are not going after serial humps at every opportunity.
Being skilled as a pickup artist is not necessarily going to make me admire you as a man. There is a distinction there and while man whores man be desired by women, hound dogging after ever skirt is bit juvenile and lacks gravitas IMO.