A lot of people have a quarter-life crisis in their 20s…There’s a post from me on the SDMB from 5 years ago when I was complaining about how many days I had left to work (like 8000) in my life and how depressing that was. Eventually post-college life will catch up with you though (bills, obligations, kids) and you won’t have any time at all to reflect on how sad your life is. Enjoy it now while you still have time to sulk.
I’m with most of the other posters in here. If you feel like your life is over, then go out and do something (aka GET A LIFE!).
Thailand. Much cheaper. A visit to Angkor Wat next door in Cambodia always helps put things in perspective, too.
Let’s see. When I was 22 (which would be 1994), I was:
- Single – I’d like to say it was by choice, but I’d be talking out my ass
- Living with my parents. (Father, really; mother split when I was about 3 or 4)
- Unemployed
- Spending 9 months working on an art program for the Atari ST (which, to my credit, I did eventually release independently, though I only ever made about $250 selling it), and 5 of those months was spent doing sweet bugger all because I burned myself out coding 6-8 hour a day when I was about 3/4 the way done
- Tinkering away at writing 4-track digital MOD music files because I had no other musical instruments to play
- Still trying to write a book (yes, I had too many hobbies)
- Going nowhere, with plenty of aspirations and no plans to make them a reality
I worked joe jobs for years, usually making $8-9/hr, and – shockingly – the majority of management in those jobs had no respect for their employees. It took me years to realize that this was pretty much status quo, and that I’d better learn to deal and play the game if I wanted to go anywhere.
So now it’s 2007. I’m still working relatively unskilled labour, but I’m making rather decent money doing it, and my employers are great, as is the work environment. I’m married, live on my own, have plenty of hobbies (still) and toys to keep me busy, and even if our life has gotten a little stale and repetitive, it is at least stable. Until I hit that midlife crisis, anyway.
You may feel rather aimless and in a rut right now, but given enough time, it’ll all work itself out – unexpectedly, as such things seem to go. Just do what you need to do and, when possible, try and steer things generally in the direction you want them to do, a little at a time.
This is MPSIMS, Sunrazor, not the Pit. Telling someone to “shut the fuck up” and implying they aren’t “man enough” to do something is inappopriate for this forum. Please do not do it again.
Here’s are my suggestions. These are based on my own experiences and on those of some relatives and friends. Obviously I can’t guarantee that all of these will work, or even that any of them will. It’s more intended to get you thinking about your situation from new angles, which might let you find your own way out of your rut.
- Religion. Not a terribly popular suggestion on the SDMB, but I couldn’t in good conscience leave it out.
Many people around your age confront serious existential questions for the first time: “What am I here for?” “What will make me happy?” “What should I do with my life?” While in school, you always had the assumption that the most important part of your life lay ahead. Now that you’ve tried working and found your first job unsatisfactory, you don’t see any guarantee of fulfillment in life. The prospect of an entire life spent on unpleasant or meaningless work is quite scary.
Religion is all about confronting these existential questions. Try asking for a personal meeting with your priest (or minister, or rabbi). If you aren’t currently a member of a church, look for one that you might join. Ask the people who you know are religious. Minsters, besides being generally amazing people, are trained to help people confront precisely the issues that you’re dealing with them. I think if you talk with one, you’ll find that he or she has considerable intelligence, is willing to help, and can speak more directly than many other people.
A religious community also serves double-duty as an excellent place to meet people, join teams and clubs, and learn what’s happening in your city.
2. Recognize the problem.
Everything you’ve said so far suggests a mild case of depression. Depression is an illness with well-defined symptoms. You cannot “snap out it” any more than you can snap out of cancer. But you can act to avoid causes of depression and to cure yourself.
First of all, as a means of diagnosis, you’re probably depressed if you’ve experienced several of the following:
-Feelings of sadness and/or irritability.
-Loss of interest or pleasure in activities once enjoyed.
-Changes in weight or appetite.
-Changes in sleeping pattern.
-Feeling guilty.
-Inability to concentrate, remember things, or make decisions.
-Fatigue or loss of energy.
-Restlessness or decreased activity noticed by others.
-Feeling hopeless, or worthless.
-Bizarre, unexplained physical symptoms.
-Thoughts of suicide or death.
You’ve probably heard the theory that depression is anger turned inward. In other words, when a person feels angry about their situation in life but doesn’t see any means to change it, they start feeling depressed. That theory matches quite closely with what I’ve seen in myself and others, and I believe in it quite strongly.
(I should note that the definite feeling that things will never get better, or as you put it that “my life is over”, is a common feature of depression.)
3. Get out there and do something.
Depression tends to get you caught in a cycle. You feel hopeless and lethargic, so you skip normal activities, which makes you feel more hopeless and lethargic, and so on. Breaking the cycle takes an act of willpower. You have to get out there and do something–attend a concert, have a special dinner with your SO, see a baseball game–even if you don’t feel like doing it. Being alone for long periods is the worst thing you can do, because then you start brooding on everything that’s wrong, which makes the problem worse.
On a larger scale, your goal is to take charge of your life, so you won’t feel that you’re powerless. Other people in the thread have already mentioned it. Look into a new career, or a long-distance move, or a year of volunteer work, or maybe something you’ve never even considered before. But make it something big.
And be aware that the opportunity won’t come to you; you have to go out and get it. For instance, if you want a career in music, get out there and make it happen. Attend events and conventions. Look for advertisements in relevant magazines. Look online. Talk to people. Ask them if they know anyone who’s looking for a band member. Ask them if they have any advice for a young musician.
I realize that’s a lot to put on your plate in one post, but I hope that you find it helpful. If you’d like to talk about some of this more in-depth, you can use this address: noone5445@yahoo.com
Dude your 22 your life isn’t over and if it is I guess that means mine is too because I am now 22. :eek: You are in a rut and bored, and possibly suffering from depression but don’t worry most likely things will get better. It would be good to get a job of some kind if you aren’t working right now as a little structure is a good thing. I’m kind of in a rut too right now, I’ve been looking for a job with little success so far but it isn’t the end of the world. At least you have a SO, so let me ask you is your relationship going well? Have there been any problems on that front?
I was in the same place when I was 22. I was about to graduate college, I had no plans, no job, no goals, no life, and was living in a place that actually sucked pretty hard. I was very depressed, I had just been rejected from all the grad schools I applied for, and I was freaking the hell out. I didn’t understand how I could have done everything “right” and was still in such an awful place.
But I ended up taking a year off after I graduated, working part-time jobs so I could make ends meet, and dedicated myself full time to my hobby, and secret love, writing. Now 2.5 years later, I’m half way through my MA program, I’ve got some publishing credits, I’m living in a place that I actually like quite a bit, and I’m happy, in general. And I didn’t get to this slightly better place by giving into my depression. I worked really damn hard to begin what I hope is a sustainable career as a writer. For one thing, I treated my writing like it was a full time, 60 hours/week career. I think if you want to be a musician, you need to treat it like a full time job, every single day. Otherwise, it’s always going to be that one thing you always wanted to do, but never quite got around to.
WTF? 22 and you feel like your life is over.
Listen son, I am 65, I retired some years back and my life is just beginning.
There’s loads of things to do out there, fuckin’ loads man.
Don’t sit on your arse whining, get out and do it.
Like I allus said, Youth is wasted on the young
Your SO is a med student, so medical school will almost certainly be in a different location, and probably the residency in yet another location. At least that part of your life will be changing within a few years or less.
Hey! I used to live in Nederland! I thought I was the only person who ever heard of it!
So, what’s an FF? Does asking mean I’m not man enough to join the military?
If you’ve seen the moderator’s warning, you know I’m unable to answer that here.
There isn’t. It just gets worse, except with more money. We all manage to make a go of it though.
You could try experimenting with hallucinogens. That might liven things up…
All I saw of that was directed at your conjecture that I’m Ron Burgundy? wasn’t man enough and your suggestion that he shut the fuck up. Nothing about revealing the nature of FF. But hey, if you don’t want to tell I guess my life will have to be that much poorer.
Make a difference in someones life.
Volunteer somewhere.
I’d go with get thee to any third world country for a visit. You will come back with a different perspective entirely. Your world view will change and you’ll see yourself and your little world with new eyes.
But you have an SO in med school so I’m thinking you’re probably not up for that. So find a way to make someone in your community happy, even joyous.
Organized volunteering not for you? Think different, get creative. Start doing good deeds anonymously. Fix someones bike secretly. Buy someone groceries, on the sly. Buy some new clothes for a needy family. Mow someones lawn without being ask. Wake up and look around, there is need all around you.
You are not wrong to seek happiness, but it’s a mistake to think is lies outside, it comes from with in. Don’t focus on consuming happiness, focus on producing it for other and true joy shall be yours, I promise.
There’s your problem.
Move.
Honestly, you’re a kid. You haven’t done anything yet. If you’re bored, you’re boring. Move somewhere more interesting and start doing things.
Small towns can be suffocating and boring because they’re, you know, small. Get your ass in gear and so somewhere new.
My guess: “farewell f” … well, you get the picture.
As I said, I’m 65.
That said I’m still pretty nimble on my feet and have no invisible handicaps, or visible ones come to that. 
So what I’ve done is adopt a granny, an elderly lady of 86 who cannot get around so well and she has no-one else
I do her shopping, bit of cleaning, read to her, chat, take her for a drive, anything to get her out of her house and into the world.
2-3 times a week I visit her, she’s a grand old dear with all her wits about her and I enjoy being with her because she’s smart and plays a mean game of chess.
Her life isn’t ended, nor should yours be.