I think that we are all rooting for @Moriarty
Correct, but the OP should keep his negative emotions in check. And you’re right, the OP isn’t acting this way. But… still… keep this in mind. 
When I watched her video I imagined that it was @Moriarty she was with. Don’t just chase the car, catch the car!
If you can get over her past and she can get by what’s been described up thread as your “coyness” in asking her about it (though I am impressed by your sleuthing), there will almost inevitably be friends or relatives who may say to you, “Dude, your GF was a porn star” and you’ll need to defend yourself and her with something along the lines of “Yes, years ago and what of it?”
Here’s also hoping it works out for the best for you both.
This board isn’t penthouse. Let’s not get too graphic about how we imagine our fellow posters.
Update before bed:
We went out tonight. We went to dinner then went to a bar and had a few drinks. We held hands as we walked, and at the bar we sat on a couch where we “canoodled”, but it never got past PG (although she truly has the most incredible figure)
One thing I found notable was that I didn’t really feel my hang ups when I was with her (ironically, the most pangs of jealousy i felt was when she told me about Will, some guy she had been dating that she broke up with just 3 weeks ago; that, of course, is normal dating stuff).
We did discuss the subject of her prior career. I essentially told her 3 things:
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I need you to not use your life experience to hurt me. When I explained how my ex had treated me, she replied with “She sounds really insecure”. She also assured me that she wouldn’t tell me details about her exploits (“if I’m in a room with somebody I once dated, I’ll tell you that, because I think that’s fair”)
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I’m going to feel jealous of every man who has ever met her, but that’s my hang up. It’s also the “cost” of dating a beautiful woman: men are going to constantly be trying to seduce her. I’ll get past that, because it’s absurd to want an affectionate woman who is good in bed who has never had any prior experience.
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When I’m with her, I am with her, not her porn name.
Other details: She hasn’t made content since she was 21 (a decade ago), she’s had offers but isn’t looking to do it again (in part concern for her sons, and what they’d find), her family knows (and was shocked when they found out, but she “does what I want”) but doesn’t discuss it. And she isn’t offended that people watch it (“well, I made it”)
Fortunately, that was really only a small portion of the night. She had written out some questions for me (all the way from “would you ever remarry” to “what’s your favorite number”). Some of our conversation was sexual - she knows I can’t wait to be intimate with her (“when can I have you over?” “Our 4th date”); she asked about my kinks (and got kind of wide eyed and smiled when I told her) - but it was mainly dating banter.
At our 2nd place, she knew the server (a gay man) so he kept coming by and made small talk with us.
All in all, a pleasant evening. I’ve asked her when I can see her again: maybe Friday (although a friend did make tentative plans, and she gets priority), or Monday.
I can’t wait to spend more time together.
Congratulations to you both Moriarty on your prosperous life. Among many here I’m thrilled for you!
Very well done
It looks like you both handled the situation very well. Honestly, this look promising.
My ex went to ridiculous lengths to hide her past from me.
She never did porn, but she had been married at some point. I found out very quickly but made the mistake of not asking her to tell me about. I did drop many hints however, so she must have suspected that I knew. But she still acted as if it had never happened. And that’s how our relationship, which had been extremely intense and natural at first, entered a death-spiral. I grew resentful of her for hiding this from me for years, while she was clearly more and more desperate to patch the holes in her tales. If she’d told me that she’d been married before, it would have posed absolutely no problem to me. But she chose to lie about it, and I chose not to ask. 5 years after our relationship began I’m still convinced that we came so close to having something truly amazing, and completely fumbled it because of a lack of honest communication. A tragic, self-inflicted wound.
If you accept that her past is her past, and you both open up totally honestly about how you feel, then you’re handling this much better than we did.
I sincerely hope this works out.
Look dude, my point is that if you want to judge someone for having a past in adult-film acting, you’re also liable to be judged for masturbating to porn as a free-rider while judging the people you’re masturbating to.
“I’m allowed to do that” is a legal defense against infringement, it’s not a defense against being a hypocritical little creep about sex work.
Err…did you read any of my posts here except that one? Guessing you did not. I’m thinking that makes you the hypocritical little creep.
Thinking someone is a terrible disdain-worthy person for being in a porn while you’re watching the porn is hypocritical.
Thinking someone is a perfectly lovely person but you simply don’t want to subject yourself to the potential knock-on effects of dating someone from the porn industry is completely reasonable. Just like not wanting to date an emergency responder due to the extra emotional and family burdens or not wanting to date a Hollywood celebrity because it sounds like a huge hassle despite still watching movies and calling the fire department when needed.
yes, this was really well said. You don’t have to be negatively judging someone to understand you may not be relationally compatible with them. Sometimes, through no fault of either, it’s just not a good match, and the fact that one of them worked in porn might be a legitimate reason for that.
Moderating:
You know better than to engage in personal attacks such as this. This is a Warning for so blatantly violating rules despite knowing better.
I want to thank those of you who were sympathetic to my dilemma. I must say I am feeling much more at ease today.
I’m not nearly so anxious, and I’m back to feeling positive feelings about this new woman that I’m getting to know. Admittedly, a lot of it is undoubtedly lust at this point, but she has a very upbeat disposition, and she likes to be goofy and laugh. And she has expressed genuine interest in moi.
I’ve put the brakes on getting too far into a planned future, but instead am more thinking along the lines of this sage advice
Incidentally
This has actually never crossed my mind! Maybe it’s a little bit of cockiness on my part (ok, let’s pretend that pun was intended), but I’m confident in my skills. Besides, I don’t think of a female performer really getting the best sexual experience in those movies.
(I did find this interesting: she didn’t get into her filming, other than to say that it was really good money, and she was chauffeured around everywhere and put up in the nicest hotels. I’m sure they do pamper these women, since their consent is the only thing making those movies possible)
I doubt that. Hollywood doesn’t even do that.
But I’m willing to admit being wrong.
I think the porn industry is very diverse, and includes everything from amateurs who post stuff because they get off on the idea of people watching them to kids who are basically abused slaves. In between there are people with “only fans” accounts, and various commercial porn producers, from ethical and respectful of their actors to pretty sleazy. I’d believe almost any story a moderately reliable witness told me about their experience as a porn actor.
Totally agree and I know a few people people who have been involved in the industry.
Nicest hotels and chauffeured around are pretty broad statements and relative to what she may have previously experienced, she was only 21 at the time. I believe that she may have thought she was in nice hotels when they booked rooms at a Marriot and they drove her around in those old style limo sedans. That stuff isn’t hard to do and is really impressive, especially if a party is going on and you are the center of attention. I knew one guy that traveled around with a white Siberian tiger while he pimped out girls in Dayton Ohio, they thought he was classy (for a pimp).
That might be a potential yellow Flag … you are dating here what? … 2 - 3 weeks? - so she basically jumped ship.
I knew Girls who were always after the Great kick (butterflies in belly) you get from a New relationship/dating … (with all that goes with it - the wining and dining) but never followed through with it.
IIWY I’d like to get a feeling if this was just happenstance or if There is a pattern … if There is a pattern, prepare for a rollercoaster ride …