It it was me, I’d rather hear today than after the holidays. If my wife is in distress, nothing would be more important than starting the road back immediately.
Yes, I understand why you want to wait until after Christmas, but all that is going to do is make you want to have one last good bender, and you might go too far. If you need help, you need help. Doesn’t matter what time of year it is.
I am sure my husband will stand by me on this. We’ve been through a lot together and he seems to have an endless supply of patience and love for me.
He knows about the drinking, just not the extent and frequency of it. He has no idea about the codeine. That’s going to be tough one to come clean with. When all the lies and deception come out, I know he will stand by me in the end but he will be hurt and upset and emotional. I don’t want to do that to my family during the holidays.
I was searching on my previous posts, and I found a post very similar to my OP back from 5 years ago. It’s probably close to 10 years that I’ve been abusing alcohol. No wonder my liver is begging for mercy.
Please take care of yourself over the holidays. And be careful if you decide to try and back off on the alcohol and codiene on your own - you could get the DT’s. Holidays a tough for alcoholics and you might be tempted to overindulge, so please be careful.
If you ever need support or advice, you can PM me.
First, no matter what you do, check in with us everyday.
It’s a long way to Christmas, and the best present you could give your family is to take the steps to end this problem. But if you’re doing anything to limit your use of alcohol and codeine then there is some small improvement. But that won’t really mean anything if you don’t take the big step.
I’m sure it’s scary, but it looks way worse to you than it is. You can make that big jump, and you will make it to the other side, and it is so much better there.
Congratulations on not drinking last night! It sounds like you’re starting to make good decisions. I would, however, echo the thought that telling your husband now rather than later is a good idea, particularly if you’re going to stop drinking now. You will likely experience withdrawal symptoms, and it would help him to know that.
Not to steer you away from SDMB, but just to offer up an additional source of on-line support, the forums at Cracked.com have what looks to be a really good, and very long, thread for recovering alcoholics. (It’s here.) I’m not an alcoholic, but I still follow the thread and find it to be very uplifting and inspiring- a lot of good people trying to make their lives better, with help and encouragement from others traveling the same road.
Wishing you the best for your recovery.
Show your husband the letter you wrote to us. You seem to know in your heart that he is aware of your ‘problem’, so show him the letter. Next, ask him to help you beat your alcohol problem. Tell him you need his strength and support and you are willing, with his help, to enter a rehabilitation program. Lastly, get professional help together - this is going to be a battle shared. I don’t know much about Canada but I would think a good starting point would an appointment with your family doctor. You can beat this together. You will beat it. Good luck.
If you can, get your doctor or psychologist to send a referral to CAMH (Center for Addiction and Mental Health).
I did my outpatient treatment through AADAC, and CAMH seems similar. They have a ton of resources and it looks to be provincially funded.
Thanks everyone 
You know, it was nice waking up this morning and not feeling like crap. It was nice giving my husband a kiss when he came in the door yesterday and not having to avoid it so he wouldn’t smell the alcohol on my breath. It was nice tucking my daughter into bed and rocking my son to sleep with a clear mind. It was nice to get into bed and listen to some podcasts as I fell asleep instead of falling asleep on the couch while my family was still awake.
I can see that there can be life without alcohol. It’s going to take a lot of support to remind me of this every day however.
I too recommend telling your husband immediately rather than waiting. My uncle went into treatment on Christmas Day ~30 years ago, and while that Christmas was hard, the following Christmases were his sobriety anniversaries, which gave us all an extra reason to celebrate. Please don’t delay, it only gives your addiction time to make more excuses.
AA may or may not be the best choice for you, but their “One day at a time” saying may help. You don’t have to focus on Quitting Forever all at once, just focus on not drinking today. If that seems too long, focus on not drinking this morning. After that, this afternoon, then this evening.
Frankly, telling your husband that you want to get better sounds like a good Christmas gift to me. Another vote for doing it now and not delaying.
Get yourself some hard candy, and suck on them regularly.
Keep a lot of them around; I’ve heard (from attending Al-Anon years ago) recovering alcoholics unknowingly crave for sugar, and the candies help.
Telling your husband everything immediately is extremely important, here. People almost never recover from this on their own. I highly doubt an entire Christmas Season is going to be ruined because you are finally being honest. And guess what? There’s another one next year. I’ve heard rumours that they’re planning on having Christmas every single year for the foreseeable future.
Stop with the excuses, take a deep breath, and be brave. Being a coward and finding lame reasons to not be honest with yourself and everyone important in your life is exactly why you are where you are.
Congratulations on the steps you’re taking to try to turn things around. I can’t imagine how difficult that must be, and I’m impressed with your courage.
That said, two things:
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Don’t let your current momentum and positivity convince you that you can simply stop. If you could have stopped by willpower alone, you would have already. You have a serious condition and it needs treatment.
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Don’t find reasons to wait. You aren’t going to ruin Christmas for your family by facing this now, you’re going to give them the first holiday in forever where they don’t have to wonder how and when your drinking / opiate abuse is going to surface.
Use the positivity you’re feeling to do that hardest of all things: break out of your comfort zone. Talk to your husband today. Go to an AA meeting today. Ask for their advice about what your next steps should be.
Bolding mine.
I 100% agree. The biggest benefit to treatment - be it via AA, outpatient or inpatient, etc. - was identifying *why *I drink and working on that as well. My ‘root cause’ comes from control issues. If I feel like I lack control over some aspect of my life, I tend to go towards behaviors that allow me to either not feel the emotions associated with the lack of control, or allow me some way of releasing my need for control. I have also stuggled with anorexia and bulimia (again, control issues), I’m compulsive, and I take on a lot (for example, I work full time, am doing a Masters full time, am doing a ton of volunteer work, etc.) and need to be reminded to slow down and relax. Now that I’m recovering, I can focus on these control issues and work through them rather then just try to drown out the emotions associated with my lack of, or perceived lack of, control.
Again, I understand why you want to wait, but the advice to speak up now is valid. You will not ‘ruin’ Christmas. You will save yourself. Which is more important?
I agree, it’s better for both of you if you tell him as soon as possible. I mean, if I were him, I’d be *dreading *the holidays right about now: all the parties and opportunities to drink, all the stress and pressure to be happy and get along with everyone all the time, and - especially with kids - the desire to make this The! Best! Christmas! Evar!!!, sanity and bank accounts be damned. In his shoes, I’d be on pins and needles, fearing you were having a drink every time my back was turned, and just be hoping for you to make it through the holidays with as few fights, embarrassments, and injuries as possible. And I’d probably be thinking wistfully (or resentfully) of the happy times we *could *be having if you weren’t drinking. Don’t put yourselves through that. Coming clean right now is the best gift you can give your whole family.
My husband doesn’t view alcoholism as a disease. He views it as a weakness and as selfish behavior.
It’s not just my immediate family that would be affected. What about my brother, my husbands brother’s and sisters and parents, my parents, my friends etc? I don’t want them to know about this. They can’t know about this.
Ultimately, whatever works for you is the best way. But don’t assume you have to do this on your own. Most people find it much easier to quit an addiction with support from other people.
First, you’ll have the advice and encouragement of other people who’ve gone through what you’re going through.
Second, you can quit out in the open. You already know how much effort it takes to conceal an addiction. But it also takes a lot of effort to conceal quitting an addiction. Quitting the addiction itself takes a lot of work. There’s no sense in giving yourself the extra burden of doing it in secret.
Just remember, it may seem impossible at times but quitting an addiction can be done and many people have successfully quit.